It’s a terrible feeling when someone we love doesn’t like who we’re dating.
But it’s strange when their reasons make little to no sense, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor WeekendOriginal4876 was at her wit’s end when her younger sister demanded that she break up with yet another boyfriend with little explanation as to why.
But after seeing her family’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was being selfish for not wanting to fulfill her younger sister’s wishes.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for putting my boyfriend over my sister?”
The OP did her best to support her sister.
“So I (23 [female]) have had 4 boyfriends and I have dropped every single one because my sister (15 [female]) says they ‘made her uncomfortable’.”
“Of course, I have had no ‘proof’ that supports these accusations, but out of respect for my sister and the unknown, I would break up with these guys.”
But the OP finally had enough.
“Fast-forward to now – I met an awesome dude and he makes me so happy.”
“We haven’t been able to travel, but we facetime.”
“A few days ago I posted a picture of us both and my sister texted me and said he ‘makes her uncomfortable’.”
“I was like, ‘What?? You haven’t met him yet.'”
“She got flustered and said it’s something about him.”
The OP set a new boundary that wasn’t received well.
“Here’s where I may be the a**hole: I told my sister that I am not dumping this guy and that she has no right to complain about someone she hasn’t even met.”
“She got really upset, and I got a text from my mum, calling me an a**hole for ‘putting this guy over your sister’.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some tried to give the younger sister the benefit of the doubt.
“My first thought was wondering if the sister had been abused, and was either uncomfortable around ALL men, all men she didn’t know, or all men with the same characteristics as her abuser. Like if OP only dated guys with dark hair. It’s possible she’s just being an annoying 15-year-old, but I’d want to make sure this wasn’t a sign of something else before jumping down her throat.” – SnipesCC
“I feel like there’s a decent chance that the sister has been the target of ‘uncomfortable’ behavior from someone, even if not from any of OP’s boyfriends.”
“It’s not that uncommon for victims of sexual abuse to accuse random other people of abusing them, as a sort of subconscious cry for help.”
“Maybe the sister is just being an a**hole teenager, but maybe she is a confused child dealing with a bad situation. OP should ask some questions to figure out if there’s anything else going on before they leap straight to accusations.” – Last1OutOfBeachCity
“If OP’s first boyfriend/a male friend did something genuinely creepy, and now she associates ‘guys OP brings over’ as threats. Or if she’s not around men much at all, and something happened in the past, the thought of any guy coming into the picture could make her panic.”
“I feel like this is something deeper, but even if it’s not, if the sister can’t see a pic of a guy without getting freaked out, she needs therapy.” – AliceInWeirdoland
“Or it could ‘just’ be the sister is scared a boyfriend will ‘take her big sister” away from her. Could be this simple.”
“My little sister totally freaked out when my brother and I both moved out from home within 6 months, because we both started university. (Lil sis is 5 years younger than me and 7 years younger than our big brother). She hated being ‘left alone’ and felt like we abandoned her. (We made special days for her where we would go to the cinema with her and spend time with her).”
“Another example: When my sister (then 26) married her husband, his sister (then 22) threw a temper tantrum at the wedding with a full-on nervous breakdown that she ‘lost her brother’ now. To my sister. Maid of honor and I took her away early enough, so my sister and her husband did not notice, but it took more than one hour to calm her down and get her ‘back in line.’ It was ridiculous.”
“Point is: I think the fear of losing a (mostly elder) sibling’s love and attention and bond, when they start having relationships is more common than one thinks. I even get it – if it’s a teenager.”
“This needs to be explored. Did something happen to the little sister or does she just need ‘reassurance’ that she will not lose her big sister, just because she has a boyfriend/partner now?” – MadameMimmm
Others disagreed and said the younger sister had too much power.
“My guess is that the sister is the favorite child and she is exerting superiority with this, ‘Uh I feel uncomfortable, if you don’t break up with him, I’ll tell mom!’-nonsense.”
“And sadly OP is the doormat who has given in to that three (four) times already.” – DocSternau
“This whole situation is very confusing to me, but definitely NTA. I don’t understand why your younger sister would have no-questions-asked veto power over your significant other.” – PennDOT67
“NTA. Seeing a picture of someone and saying they make you uncomfortable is absolutely ridiculous. Unless there is something she isn’t sharing with you, but given the past, it seems like she just doesn’t want you to have a boyfriend.” – Swampbrewja
Some agreed with this and said to keep the boyfriend away from the younger sister.
“OP should not enable her and tbh I’d say she needs to tell the boyfriend and keep him away from the sister considering her history.” – BlessedBySaintLauren
“Keep him away. For his own good, OP should tell him he must not EVER be alone with the sister because (given the sister’s history of sabotaging OP’s relationships), I would be worried about a false accusation of some type happening.”
“If family members ask why they’re not allowed to be alone together, OP could claim it was out of consideration for the sister’s discomfort.” – schrodingers_cat42
“NTA. Keep him away from her, though, OP. She sounds like she has some kind of mental health issues, and I wouldn’t put it past her to falsely accuse him of something to get him out of your life.”
“If you live at home, start the process of moving out. If you don’t, make sure to spend time with her AWAY from your boyfriend. And warn him about her.” – usernaym44
The OP was conflicted about whether or not she had acted selfishly, but the subReddit insisted she did not.
Her teen sister had an unusual amount of power over her relationships, and rather than break up with another guy, it might serve the OP better to figure out why her sister demanded she break up with so many guys.