It's a terrible feeling when someone we love doesn't like who we're dating.
But it's strange when their reasons make little to no sense, pointed out the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor WeekendOriginal4876 was at her wit's end when her younger sister demanded that she break up with yet another boyfriend with little explanation as to why.
But after seeing her family's reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was being selfish for not wanting to fulfill her younger sister's wishes.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for putting my boyfriend over my sister?"
The OP did her best to support her sister.
"So I (23 [female]) have had 4 boyfriends and I have dropped every single one because my sister (15 [female]) says they 'made her uncomfortable'."
"Of course, I have had no 'proof' that supports these accusations, but out of respect for my sister and the unknown, I would break up with these guys."
But the OP finally had enough.
"Fast-forward to now - I met an awesome dude and he makes me so happy."
"We haven't been able to travel, but we facetime."
"A few days ago I posted a picture of us both and my sister texted me and said he 'makes her uncomfortable'."
"I was like, 'What?? You haven't met him yet.'"
"She got flustered and said it's something about him."
The OP set a new boundary that wasn't received well.
"Here's where I may be the a**hole: I told my sister that I am not dumping this guy and that she has no right to complain about someone she hasn't even met."
"She got really upset, and I got a text from my mum, calling me an a**hole for 'putting this guy over your sister'."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some tried to give the younger sister the benefit of the doubt.
"My first thought was wondering if the sister had been abused, and was either uncomfortable around ALL men, all men she didn't know, or all men with the same characteristics as her abuser. Like if OP only dated guys with dark hair. It's possible she's just being an annoying 15-year-old, but I'd want to make sure this wasn't a sign of something else before jumping down her throat." - SnipesCC
"I feel like there's a decent chance that the sister has been the target of 'uncomfortable' behavior from someone, even if not from any of OP's boyfriends."
"It's not that uncommon for victims of sexual abuse to accuse random other people of abusing them, as a sort of subconscious cry for help."
"Maybe the sister is just being an a**hole teenager, but maybe she is a confused child dealing with a bad situation. OP should ask some questions to figure out if there's anything else going on before they leap straight to accusations." - Last1OutOfBeachCity
"If OP's first boyfriend/a male friend did something genuinely creepy, and now she associates 'guys OP brings over' as threats. Or if she's not around men much at all, and something happened in the past, the thought of any guy coming into the picture could make her panic."
"I feel like this is something deeper, but even if it's not, if the sister can't see a pic of a guy without getting freaked out, she needs therapy." - AliceInWeirdoland
"Or it could 'just' be the sister is scared a boyfriend will 'take her big sister'' away from her. Could be this simple."
"My little sister totally freaked out when my brother and I both moved out from home within 6 months, because we both started university. (Lil sis is 5 years younger than me and 7 years younger than our big brother). She hated being 'left alone' and felt like we abandoned her. (We made special days for her where we would go to the cinema with her and spend time with her)."
"Another example: When my sister (then 26) married her husband, his sister (then 22) threw a temper tantrum at the wedding with a full-on nervous breakdown that she 'lost her brother' now. To my sister. Maid of honor and I took her away early enough, so my sister and her husband did not notice, but it took more than one hour to calm her down and get her 'back in line.' It was ridiculous."
"Point is: I think the fear of losing a (mostly elder) sibling's love and attention and bond, when they start having relationships is more common than one thinks. I even get it - if it's a teenager."
"This needs to be explored. Did something happen to the little sister or does she just need 'reassurance' that she will not lose her big sister, just because she has a boyfriend/partner now?" - MadameMimmm
Others disagreed and said the younger sister had too much power.
"My guess is that the sister is the favorite child and she is exerting superiority with this, 'Uh I feel uncomfortable, if you don't break up with him, I'll tell mom!'-nonsense."
"And sadly OP is the doormat who has given in to that three (four) times already." - DocSternau
"This whole situation is very confusing to me, but definitely NTA. I don't understand why your younger sister would have no-questions-asked veto power over your significant other." - PennDOT67
"NTA. Seeing a picture of someone and saying they make you uncomfortable is absolutely ridiculous. Unless there is something she isn't sharing with you, but given the past, it seems like she just doesn't want you to have a boyfriend." - Swampbrewja
Some agreed with this and said to keep the boyfriend away from the younger sister.
"OP should not enable her and tbh I'd say she needs to tell the boyfriend and keep him away from the sister considering her history." - BlessedBySaintLauren
"Keep him away. For his own good, OP should tell him he must not EVER be alone with the sister because (given the sister's history of sabotaging OP's relationships), I would be worried about a false accusation of some type happening."
"If family members ask why they're not allowed to be alone together, OP could claim it was out of consideration for the sister's discomfort." - schrodingers_cat42
"NTA. Keep him away from her, though, OP. She sounds like she has some kind of mental health issues, and I wouldn't put it past her to falsely accuse him of something to get him out of your life."
"If you live at home, start the process of moving out. If you don't, make sure to spend time with her AWAY from your boyfriend. And warn him about her." - usernaym44
The OP was conflicted about whether or not she had acted selfishly, but the subReddit insisted she did not.
Her teen sister had an unusual amount of power over her relationships, and rather than break up with another guy, it might serve the OP better to figure out why her sister demanded she break up with so many guys.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.