Babysitting isn’t always an easy gig.
Some kids are uncontrollable.
And parents are blind to their kids’ behavioral issues.
When it comes to babysitting kids in the family, the family often is expected to help each other.
These are the times when DNA can be put to the test.
Redditor Wonderful-Act-198 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to care for sister’s kid during surgery?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My sister (34 F[emale]) has a kid (6 M[ale]) who has always been rude to me (36 F).”
“He has called me names cause I’m overweight, and whenever he’s been at my house, he has just made a mess, screamed, left the fridge door open, and he threw food on the floor once.”
“He just seems to have some kind of behavioural issue.”
“I told my sister I don’t want to look after him again cause I can’t control him, I’m not a parent, and I just don’t know what the right tactics are.”
“She was okay with it as she has other friends who can take care of him.”
“The thing is, she is now about to go into the hospital for a surgery which will have her out for a few days, and she’s telling me there is nobody who can look after my nephew for that time.”
“Now I don’t know what to do because, while of course I would take vacation time for family, but I don’t have much left, and to be honest, I don’t want to be spending it dealing with a kid who just won’t give me any respect.”
“I told my sister I’m not happy to do it and said I’d be OK to pay for a babysitter, but she just called me a selfish cow.”
“Others in the family have since texted with various stances, asking me to please reconsider or asking why I am being like this.”
“As if I’m meant to magically figure out how to stop him from destroying my house or just put up with it.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for just not wanting to deal with it even though it’s to help my sister with a medical issue?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. If she called you a ‘cow,’ I can see where her son’s bad treatment of you comes from.”
“THAT retort, alone, solidifies my opinion that caring for her child should remain her problem.” ~ Individual_Ad_9213
“That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
“The moment I saw the insult, it clicked in my brain where the child was learning this behavior.” ~ SweetDumplin7
“I agree.”
“I bet sister s**t talks OP, and that’s where the kid hears it.”
“OP should tell her sister the truth – the kid is mean and out of control, and OP will not take care of him.”
“I bet those other friends’ sisters won’t keep him either because he’s awful.” ~ Glum_Airline4017
“Every single person telling you that you should do it should be told that you have no P[ersonal] T[ime] O[ff] to use and cannot and will not do it.”
“That since it is so important to them, they can do it. If they live far away, then they can fly in, stay at her house, and take care of her little terror.”
“They could also stay and take care of sis for a few days, too. NTA.” ~ Liu1845
“Absolutely this.”
“Her willingness to call you a ‘selfish cow’ for OFFERING TO HELP HER PAY FOR A BABYSITTER should tell most people all they need to know about why her child is disrespectful and disruptive.”
“Holy entitlement, Batman.”
“In your place, OP, I’d own it. For the rest of forever, any time she asks a favor, tell her the ‘selfish cow’ is being true to form and she should ask someone else.” ~ PsilosirenRose
“This!!! The apple didn’t fall far from the tree, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to manage other people’s problems.”
“And to all the relatives in your life, saying you should change your stance, well, wonderful, you should let them know you will tell sis they are volunteering as tribute!” ~ Hot-Chicken-5594
“Exactly this.”
“There was a kid like this I got stuck with.”
“I found out she wasn’t allowed in anyone else’s house later on.”
“She was a little monster (still is at 16) and no one could stand being around her starting at age 5 or so (before I met the family).”
“That’s why the relatives are slinging insults and not stepping up.”
“They don’t want this kid in their homes.” ~ MelissaRC2018
“NTA, I was leaning towards NAH up until the point where she called you a selfish cow.”
“Don’t even spend another second feeling bad about not watching her kid.”
“You offered to pay for a babysitter, which was more than generous, and she essentially spat on your offer.”
Now it’s up to her to deal with her unruly offspring. She’s not entitled to your time, your PTO, or even your money.” ~ Spare-Shirt24
“NTA. Your nephew likely gets that behavior from somewhere, and that ‘selfish cow’ comment from your sister gives me some suspicions as to the source.”
“She is in no way entitled to your time or sanity.”
“Especially since you’ll likely have to host the kid and not get any compensation for the damages.”
“Medical issues or no, there has to be a modicum of respect, and she isn’t showing it.”
“Don’t sacrifice your scant vacation time putting yourself through hell.” ~ Start_over_dude
“That kid would come in an animal and leave a saint.”
“Ain’t no child gonna have an attitude with me in my house.”
“I’d tell her yes, but my house, my rules.”
“That little f**ker would never disrespect me again.” ~ rudeness21
“NTA. As a mom, if my kid acted like this, then they’d get instant punishment from me the moment I found out about their behavior.”
“I’m assuming OP has told the sister what her kid’s doing, and the sister doesn’t care.”
“Neither would be welcome at my house.” ~ Eestineiu
“There’s nobody who can look after my nephew for that time.”
“That is because her friends and the rest of your family FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT THE KID!”
“One time, long ago, I agreed to watch the son of an acquaintance for two days and nights when she had surgery.”
“He was the same age as my kid.”
“The initial night, he punched my kid at bedtime.”
“I called the mom (who had not yet gone into the hospital), explained what had happened, and she asked if I could deal with him overnight, and she’d come up with other arrangements for the rest of the time.”
“I stopped wondering why her husband or her sisters hadn’t been her first choices.”
“Do not give in to pressure.”
“Tell your family members THEY can look after the hellion.” ~ Nenoshka
“Your sister calling you a ‘Cow’ is telling where her son got his rudeness and disrespect from.”
“I wouldn’t do any kind of favor for anyone calling me names.”
“Let the opinionated family members watch him.” ~ AdysGrandma321
“You were vindicated the minute she called you a cow.”
“Was that supposed to make you want to take care of the little terror?”
“These others with opinions, are they offering to help your sister?”
“And where is this child’s other parent?”
“There are many other options. NTA.” ~ LottieOD
“NTA. Let the family members who think that they have all the answers step in to help.” ~ CandylandCanada
“Did your sister call you a selfish cow?”
“So the problem was never the child.”
“Your sister is the one who teaches the child to be rude.”
“Basically, because no one is going to want to deal with your wild little beast.”
“This is your signal to tell your sister to go to hell.”
“You’re not his babysitter.”
“You don’t have to put up with that lack of respect either.”
“Tell him for me that he is a shameful mother who is teaching her son to be rude and that because of him no one is going to love the child.”
“He will be one of those children who make people say, ‘Oh man, that annoying child is coming to my house, I hope he goes away soon.'” ~ SocietyNo7720
“NTA. The way your sister responded to your offer to PAY for a babysitter tells me everything I need to know about where the kid’s behavior comes from.”
“It’s learned, and I’d be willing to bet, certain things were taught to be done specifically to you.”
“I wouldn’t do it, either, and I love kids and babysitting, but we all have to have boundaries.”
“You set yours when you said you wouldn’t look after him anymore.”
“She is trying to push and break your boundaries because she’s in a tough spot.”
“I’d guess, not because no one else is truly available, but because no one is willing, as they got to the same breaking point you did.”
“Do let her push you on this; she’ll railroad you on everything moving forward, if you do.” ~ Ok-Upstairs8850
“NTA. You just found out where the kid’s behavioral problems come from.”
“She’s teaching them to him, and I’d cut contact totally if it were me.” ~ Your_Daddy_1972
“NTA. Good for you for not caving in to your sister’s demands, but you also need to lay down the law when it comes to your nephew if you should happen to be around him.”
“You’re 36 years old, and it’s past time to stop being a doormat for everyone to wipe their feet on.” ~ Criseyde2112
“NTA. He treats you with the lack of respect his mother shows you.”
“She called you a cow, Sis.”
“Don’t you dare watch that child.”
“Let her figure it out.” ~ queenafrodite
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your sister is probably out of options because of her son’s behavior.
You are not obligated to give your time just because they’re family.
You offered to pay for a sitter, which is already more than generous.
Stay strong, good luck.