Relationships are already tricky enough, but second or subsequent marriages that involve children from previous marriages are certainly all the more complicated.
It’s hard to imagine the marriage lasting forever if the new partner doesn’t get along with the pre-existing children, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor jessieebu was not a fan of their mother’s future husband and was actively against the wedding.
When they won tickets to see a concert the same day, it couldn’t have been more of a no-brainer for the Original Poster (OP) to skip the wedding.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for going to a concert over my mother’s wedding?”
The OP took advantage of an opportunity to not attend their mother’s second wedding.
“My mom is getting remarried (my birth father passed away a while ago).”
“A few weeks ago I won Taylor Swift tickets on the radio for the same day as her wedding. I made the decision to go to the concert over the wedding.”
“I told her this, and she is very upset. She has not spoken to me since.”
The OP actively did not support the wedding.
“I love my mother and feel bad for missing her wedding, but I thought she would understand due to the circumstances.”
“I do not like my soon-to-be stepfather. He’s a hardnose, no-nonsense, military-esque disciplinarian. He yells at my mother and is mean to me.”
“I also feel like seeing Taylor Swift is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I do not want to miss. And I cannot sell or repurpose the tickets; I can only forfeit them.”
They debated whether or not to follow through with the RSVP.
“Also, I have made it very clear to my mom over the past few months that I am not okay with the marriage, but still planned to be at the wedding. But then I won the tickets, and things changed.”
“The RSVP date is later this week, and I didn’t officially RSVP.”
“So, AITA for choosing the concert over the wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was right to not attend a wedding they didn’t support.
“Not everyone gets lucky in the parent lotto, and the fact that OP is considering Taylor Swift over their mom’s wedding says more than a thousand Reddit posts.”
“OP, as long as you make a decision that feels right for you, that you can live with (because you will have to live with whatever decision you make), then you are NTA. When you make your decision, consider how you might feel about it in five to ten years’ time.” – ScubaSuze
“Your child’s first wedding? Yes, attend. Your parent’s remarriage with which you have zero connection and possibly even major issues? Come on, that’s apples to oranges.” – DrBDDS
“I agree with this actually. NTA.”
“I read this post before I clicked and was like, ‘Only if it’s Taylor Swift,’ because those tickets get insanely expensive.”
“OP shouldn’t go to a wedding they’ll be miserable at. Mom deserves better than a miserable daughter at the wedding. Everyone is happy.” – user_friendly_socks
“She is NTA and it’s reasonable not to want to go to a wedding if you don’t support the relationship. I wouldn’t support my mum marrying a shouty military guy either, and I 100% would prefer to go see a concert, lol (laughing out loud).” – Pellellell
“It’s not even about looking for an excuse not to go to the wedding (I believe it was a coincidence that the concert fell on the same day), but the fact that the wedding wasn’t a high enough priority for OP to consider trying to go to a different concert.”
“There’s something she wanted to go to and something she didn’t, so she obviously chose the former.” – fmlhaveagooddaytho
“She isn’t going to the concert because she needs to. She is using the concert tickets as a reason to not go to a wedding that she does not approve of.”
“For example, if my brother was going to marry someone I didn’t approve of, I would just find a reason to not go. As much as this sub has a hard-on for always supporting someone no matter what you think, that’s not how the real world works. People don’t support people who make decisions that they don’t agree with.”
“I don’t. and everyone who commented in this thread has at one time or another has done the same thing. And there is nothing wrong with that. NTA.” – Lacyra
“Unpopular opinion, but I’m gonna say NTA.”
“The concert isn’t the issue. From my perspective, it’s more of an excuse not to go to the wedding (and do something else that occupies your mind and feels personally purposeful).”
“I’ve lived through my mother getting married to a man I intensely disliked (it was mutual). Luckily (?) I wasn’t even invited, even though I had still been living with her at the time, and she even tried to avoid telling me about the wedding at all, ‘so I wouldn’t get upset.'”
“This whole period of my life is obviously one of the reasons I regularly attend therapy.”
“I hope you will, at least one day, have a sincere conversation with your mother about all this. And perhaps, that she will realize, in time, that a husband your children have a big issue with usually isn’t the right choice.”
“My mom is a serial marriage addict, so I can at least say that husband number 3 is great, we get along really well, and I have a great relationship with his daughters.”
“I know yours is a very complicated issue, but I think that not all people on Reddit know the pain this kind of relationship can inflict on you.”
“I’m still traumatized by having to play along even when I really wanted to do the opposite, just because I had no choice at the time. Do what’s best for your mental health. We do not need to always accommodate everyone around us, especially if it isn’t a mutual thing.” – this-just-sucks
Others were critical of the OP’s choice to choose Taylor Swift over their mother.
“OP says nothing against their mother and barely mentions why they dislike their future stepfather. Maybe the mother wasn’t the greatest parent and the OP isn’t willing to sacrifice much to support her, maybe the stepfather is genuinely horrible and the OP doesn’t want to support the marriage, or maybe the OP is a selfish brat that dislikes this guy for no valid reason and doesn’t like that the mother is moving on with her life.”
“Personally, I say YTA because the OP made this Reddit post. They decided to cancel on their mother after having already agreed to go to her wedding, because they got a rare opportunity to go to an expensive concert. They chose to have fun over supporting their mother at an important event.”
“The mother is understandably hurt upset, which is a very reasonable and expected consequence of the OP’s action that they will need to accept; what is the point of asking internet strangers if they are an a**hole? Will that make their mother less hurt?” – Consistent_Dress_228
“Did Taylor Swift birth her? Did Taylor Swift raise her? Does Taylor Swift love her unconditionally? Does Taylor Swift even know who she is?”
“No, but her mother did and does. This is such an incredibly s**tty thing for OP to do. Offering support and snatching it away over tickets to see someone who doesn’t even know she exists.”
“If your parents stuck around and raised you, clothed you, loved and fed you, and weren’t abusive towards you… You absolutely owe your parents respect at the very least. Holy f**k.”
“Also, OP was given the opportunity to not attend the wedding and told her mother she would still be there. She even made a point to say, ‘Regardless of how I feel, I will be there for you.’ OP had zero problem attending the wedding so we can stop acting like it was ever an issue.”
“Her issue with her mother’s fiancé and her attendance at the wedding are not intertwined in this instance. Per OP herself.”
“Based on OP’s post, her and her mother had a conversation about her attendance at the wedding and OP reassured her mother she would be there to support her regardless of her feelings about him. OP had plenty of opportunity to be honest to her mom about not going and yet she doubled down on attending.”
“It’s that last part, the doubling down and reassuring her mother she would be there that makes her an AH.” – StatementElectronic7
“This isn’t some principled stand against mom’s new spouse. OP was all set to go to the wedding until they got Taylor Swift tickets. This is 100% about choosing a concert over their mom’s wedding.” – JohnnyFootballStar
“For me, it’s that she kept telling her mom she was attending the wedding and only after she received the tickets did that change. If she had said in the beginning she wouldn’t be attending, I would completely agree she is N T A, but doing it this way just seems a little hurtful, and I understand how this can be upsetting to her mom.” – Mistica44
“I don’t love my dad’s wife and really didn’t want to go to the wedding, but I did it because I am an adult, and it meant the world to him. My stepmom is not evil, we just have nothing in common except him.”
“My mom sat through so many childhood events of mine I am sure she wished she could have skipped, but she did it because she loved me. If she asked me to attend an event for her, I would if I was able to be there.” – hope1083
The subReddit could understand not wanting to go to the wedding, but they were divided on whether the OP should follow through with the concert or try to be the bigger person.
While some felt the OP should do something they enjoyed, especially if they didn’t think they could be supportive on the wedding day, others found the OP to be totally selfish for even considering not attending their mother’s wedding, even to someone they didn’t particularly like.
Sometimes we have to put our own comforts on the backburner to show support for someone we love. The question is simply whether that responsibility falls on the mother or the OP.