Halloween brings out a mischievous side to many people. Children especially can get really into the spirit.
Redditor halloweenthrowaway9's son was no exception as the child seemed really excited for candy. However, his greed may have gotten the better of him, as the original poster (OP) had to teach him a lesson.
This caused a little division between OP and their husband, who thought OP was too harsh. OP decided to ask the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit if they went too far.
Was their punishment too much trick over some treats?
"AITA for making my son pass out the candy he got from trick or treating because he was being rude?"
Maybe he was little too in spirit of the season.
"My son is 9 years old. We went trick or treating like we usually do and the night was going well except when we got to a house that had a bowl of candy sitting on the porch It said 'Take 2 please'."
"He puts his whole hand in there and grabs about 6 pieces."
"Of course I corrected him, and made him put 4 of them back, explaining be needed to leave some for the others. From then on he had an attitude, and the last straw was when I told him to stop grabbing so much candy from people and he screamed 'No!'."
"We had only been out for about an hour so I took him right on home. Took his candy bag, dumped it in a bowl and told him to come sit outside on the porch with me."
"He objected of course, as kids came by and took handfuls of his candy. He complained they were taking too much and I told him that he shouldn't have done the same then."
"His father came home from work, asked why he was in his room crying, to which I explained why. He said it was really cruel to give away the kids candy just because he was taking a little too much."
"I said he needs to learn to not be so greedy to which my husband said that 'Its ok, it's Halloween'."
"He said I was being a jerk, and that I should cut some slack for the one holiday that kids get to pig out. I don't agree, although I figured I could've done this differently. AITA?"
OP provided a little more information about how much candy was given away.
"Edit: No, I did not give away the entire bowl. And even if I had, I would have had no problem providing him more once he learned his lesson and apologized."
OP's husband definitely felt they could have handled things differently. But how bad was OP's punishment really?
Other Redditors judged OP by including one of the following in their comments:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP's punishment didn't have their son give away all the candy. And there should be some repercussion if he kept trying to take too much candy after being told not to.
The comments agreed that OP was NTA for her punishment.
"NTA. The outbursts are what get me. When he screamed no, more specifically."
"It sounds to me like a test of boundaries, as if he knew perfectly well what was expected of him and purposefully crossed the line in order to see if his behavior would be corrected. And you did that."
"He learned a lesson when he became resentful that other kids were taking too much, that's what his behavior looks like but from the view of others." – whothefisrachell
"NTA, although I hope you did save some candy for your son. He's past the age where he should know how his greed affects others, and seeing it in action was probably a lesson he'll remember."
"Temper that lesson with a few treats later and a discussion, and I think it's a good parenting moment overall." - grecianviolet
"NTA. Way to be a good parent and teach your kid to be considerate of others and respect rules."
"He's not going to be scarred from this, in the end of the day it's just free candy in a world of overabundance and it's not like he'll never get candy again, it's a hard lesson but hopefully a lesson learned." – novanugs
"NTA I pass out king size candy but unless it's the end of the night, everyone only gets one."
"Conversation with one of the kids: Me: Pick any 1 you like. Kid: 2? Me: I said 1. Kid: So 2? Me: Nope 1. Kid: Well I want 2. Me: And that's why now you get zero. Get off my porch."
"I gave his portion to his sister. Some kids need more boundary lessons than others." - DerbyDogMom
Other commenters had a debate about the efficacy of OP's punishment. Some felt it was too harsh, while others felt it was fine.
The comments continued this discussion long after judgement was rendered.
"Some of these comments are very strange. Cruel? Cut contact over candy? This was an entirely proportionate consequence for poor behaviour."
"Missing out on candy on one occasion is not a significant punishment, it is related to the poor behaviour and completed immediately (i.e. no ongoing punishment). This is entirely within the parameters suggested by child behaviourists."
"Too many children don't have parents or guardians who care about them enough set reasonable boundaries with proportionate consequences like this. Definitely NTA." - ExistentialistTeapot
"YTA. I was completely on board with you making your son put back the extra candy and ending trick or treating early. However I think making him give away all of his candy to other kids is crossing the line."
"A lot of people on here are forgetting that this child is 9 years old. Yes he's not a toddler but that's still a very very young age and sometimes they are being unreasonable that's cause he's a kid."
"I would've taken away his candy and made him earn it back with good behavior. I think the lesson you were trying to teach your son is a valid one but the execution towards the end was bad." - packerbacker2828
"I disagree with you. I wouldn't have been as strict as OP, but she's not an AH for it."
"Unless there are beatings or clear-cut emotional abuse, I'm not going to tell a parent how to discipline their kids." – kmfdmretro
OP's son hopefully understood the message behind the punishment. If not, this would just seem like a waste.
Maybe OP's husband can have a talk, both with OP about their position on parenting, and with his son about why you shouldn't take more candy than you're supposed to.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.