Every parent needs help when a newborn arrives.
And in many families there are tons of people willing to dive in and be a part of the process.
But before you dive in, there often needs to be boundaries set.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwa676899 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my son l was disappointed after he and his wife lied about my grandson’s birthdate?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son (23) and his wife just had a baby boy.”
“Everyone is overjoyed and excited but there have been some issues that has risen recently.”
“When my D[aughter] I[n] L[aw] was pregnant, I suggested that I host a welcoming party for my grandson right after she get discharged from the hospital.”
“I’ve made arrangements and even emptied a room for them to stay but for some reason, she was against it and said she’d rather spend the first few weeks at home with her newborn.”
“Not only that but she said no to the welcoming party.”
“My husband and I talked to my son and he said ‘we’ll see’.”
“But just a couple a days ago, we found out that my daughter in law had given birth 2 weeks ago and no one knew about it.”
“My nephew told me and I immediately called my son, he confirmed it.”
“He and his wife lied, then hid the date of birth from the family.”
“I told him this was not acceptable, lying just because they didn’t want a welcoming party and love and support being given from family.”
“I told him I was disappointed because for one… he ruined our welcoming for our grandbaby.”
“And also, I invited family members and they’re all rightfully disappointed as well.”
“He said it was his last resort after I kept pushing and made his wife uncomfortable but that was not appreciated because… we were just trying to celebrate the new family member in a proper manner.”
“We had an argument and he ended the call upon saying I ruined his joy for his newborn.”
“My husband started texting him since he stopped replying to our phonecalls and now is threatening to block my nephew for tattling.”
“But I think that my nephew was decent enough to inform the family.”
“Otherwise God knows how long my son and his wife were going to hide their son just to keep us at arm’s length.”
“We’ve always been kind and welcoming to my daughter in law and her family.”
“I don’t why she would do this and disrespect the family like that.”
“On the other hand, some family members see it as a justified action because we insisted on the party.”
“PS: Some folks, I’d appreciate it if you leave my nephew (m[ale] 24) out of this conflict because he’s not part of it.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“‘Welcoming party’ is a nice way of saying ‘exposing a new born to all sorts of diseases during a pandemic’.”
“YTA. Always and forever. You are NOT entitled to put this child in danger.”
“The people talking about the danger to (and exhaustion of) the mother are 1000000% right. I’m sorry for not including it.” ~ Impossible-Pause3788
“I’m in the U.S. and sometimes we do ‘sip and sees’ in my family.”
“You know we all get together, have a drink and see the new baby.”
‘However, this is usually done after the parents have their own bonding time, like two weeks alone.”
“Also the biggest part of the sip and see is that everyone is working and doing a chore.”
“You show up with food, you do dishes, you do laundry, clean up a little while you’re visiting.”
“My mom always made it clear, the parents are not hosts.”
“They’re not there to take care of the guests, the guests are there to take care of them.”
“The last one I went to was for my cousin and his girlfriend.”
“I remember her handing my mom the baby and then going to take her first shower in days.” ~ tsh87
“YTA big time.”
“I have a feeling you don’t want to hear it though.”
“But I hope you do take it to heart because you are dangerously close to losing contact with your son and grandson (and DIL but I’d be surprised if you’d mind).”
“Please read this thread with an open mind, reflect on what you did and how incredibly selfish and rude and disrespectful it was and turn your attitude around if you want to keep them in your life.”
“A profound and heartfelt apology is needed here.”
“One where you can explain exactly all the ways you were wrong (you’ll find plenty of inspiration in the comments) and how you learned from it.”
“That you hope they will come to forgive you for it and will want to continue to have a relationship with you in the future that you will let them define on their terms.”
“Hope you’ll see the light OP it’s not too late but it’s close.” ~ lavavaga
“She won’t listen.”
“She’ll be back in six months or a year screaming about how she has noooooOoooOOOOOOOoo idea whyyyyyyyyy her evil manipulative DIL turned her precious son against her.”
“And manipulated him into not letting her see her grandchild.”
“This does not at all read like a person who can see her own flaws.”
“No matter how glaring they are or how blatantly she is told what’s wrong.” ~ ScroochDown
“When my siblings were born our ‘welcome home party’ was my father and I holding up a sign saying'”welcome home, mommy and ((name of baby))’ with some balloons.”
“No one else came over until they were invited. (We’re in the US).”
“YTA OP.”
“You did ruin your son’s joy of having a new baby. It’s not about YOU, it’s about father, mother and baby.” ~ SarcastiMel
“Besides the germs – the mom’s body just pushed out a human!”
“Not only is she crying every time she goes to the bathroom, swollen, exhausted, the last thing she wants is to have to put on a show for people.”
“YOUR DIL DOES NOT NEED TO BE A PART of Your CIRCUS FREAK show! “
“Obviously this is about you OP needing center stage as Grandma.”
“And now you get to take center stage as the victim of your DIL who has a whole lot more to worry about than her MIL not getting the spotlight she wants.”
“Push this further and you will never meet your grandchild.” ~ kissiemoose
“As an old grandma myself, I say exactly this! YTA OP.”
“Your DIL needs time to rest, heal, and bond.”
“The last thing new parents need is a bunch of people around expecting to be entertained and play pass the baby.”
“Think about their needs and not your own. Your son is right to be upset.”
“I had out of state family visiting us before and after the births of both our kids.”
“It was not fun.”
“It was just more people to cook for, feel obligated to talk to, and just deal with.”
“I felt obligated to cook meals they would like instead of something simple, felt like my house had to be cleaner than my husband and I cared about.”
“I was even more exhausted than I was already from dealing with a new baby, little sleep, and sore body.”
“And, there was no global pandemic then!” ~ This-Ad-2281
“I have found that a lot of older women have a difficult time accepting that they have to cede their place as the center of their families to the next generation.”
“They are no longer in need of family support or attention and they don’t like it so they try and grab the next generation’s attention and support for themselves.”
“It’s really sad that they can’t seem to figure out how to be happy without being the center of attention.”
“YTA, OP. Get some hobbies, maybe a job if you don’t have one.” ~ Zealousideal-Tap-201
“I rolled my eyes so hard at ‘he ruined our welcoming for our grandbaby’ and ‘we were just trying to celebrate the new family member in a proper manner.'”
“I swear I could count the wrinkles in my brain.”
“The ‘big welcome’ doesn’t have to be immediately after they leave the hospital, have some damn courtesy.”
“Your DIL just pushed an entire human out of her body and they’re getting used to being parents.”
“Have the celebration a couple of weeks after they get home, when she’s had a chance to physically recover from the physical exhaustion of pushing a damn watermelon through her vagina.”
“Or have a chance to heal some if she had a C-section.”
“Give your son a chance to absorb the fact that he’s now a dad and there’s a tiny being that he’s responsible for and has to take care of.”
“What’s with people feeling entitled to invade the homes of family with brand new babies because ‘omgitsababyineedtoseeitrightnaow?’”
“And not giving the new parents time to get used to their new routine?”
“Even when my nephews were born I never went to see them until they were a couple of weeks old.”
“The baby isn’t going anywhere, keep your pants on.” ~ Witchywomun
“YTA – I can see why they didn’t tell you.” ~ Alternative-Echo-994
Well Reddit had no problem telling OP exactly how they felt on this situation.
Though this is a joyous time, it’s also a stressful time.
Hopefully OP can take it less personally and let things cool off.
Congratulations on the baby though.