People break promises because circumstances change. You might have thought you wanted something, and later on you find that’s not what’s best for you.
But, you have to communicate that with the people you had a commitment with.
Redditor JJEZRS encountered this very issue with his mom. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for kicking my mother out of the house for disrespecting my husband after I put my house in his name instead of her name?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (41M) and my husband (31M) have been married for 5 years now.”
“To give some context, my parents are very wealthy and conservative but thankfully they were never homophobic. When I first started dating my husband he was around 26, my parents never approved him.”
“I thought they didn’t accept him because he was a man or because he’s younger, but I realized they don’t like him because he grew up in a middle class family. My husband is a nice man, he works hard and makes almost the same money as me.”
“After marrying him everything cooled down and my husband and mother got more along.”
“My mother is obsessed with the house my grandfather inherited me, I always told her that I wasn’t interested in the house, I barely go to that house anymore because it’s 4 hours away from where me and my husband live.”
OP didn’t place as much value in the house as his mom.
“I promised my mother to put the house in her name because I don’t want any more properties.”
“I promised her that house 7 years ago, but we never brought it up again. Turns out she discovered the house is in my husband’s name and she got upset with us, insulted my husband and called him a parasite.”
“After that I kicked her out of my house.”
“Obviously my husband was confused and upset with her attitude. She called me today to tell me that I’m a bad son because I kicked her out of my house…. Am I the a**hole?”
“Update: My husband and mother are mad at me now, my husband wants me to transfer the house under my mother’s name…”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed everyone sucked in this scenario.
“ESH-‘I promised her that house 7 years ago,’ and ‘I promised my mother to put the house in her name because I don’t want any more properties.’ Then ‘she discovered the house is in my husband’s name.'”
“And”
“‘she got upset with us, insulted my husband and called him a parasite.'”
“What more is left to say?” ~ LoveToBold
“I’m sitting on the fence here. Why did you promise her the house? And then not discuss with her that you’ve put it in his name?”
“If I were you, I wouldn’t have offered the house to anyone and would keep it as an investment property – regardless of whether or not you’re interested in it.”
“And I’m sorry that you mother has been struggling to accept your husband.” ~ DiamondHeist1970
“I promised her the house because my brother didn’t want the house. My siblings and I don’t have good memories of that house, it gave me more problems than benefits.”
“However, I don’t want to sell it because it’s still meaningful to me. She never brought it up again, I thought she wasn’t interested anymore since she owns 3 other houses. Also, I was afraid of her selling the house.”
“I don’t want any more investment properties, more things to worry about that I don’t need.” ~ JJEZRS
This whole situation could’ve been avoided.
“So why did you put it in your husbands name at all though? And when you went to the trouble of doing that, why didn’t you reach out to your mom about if she still wants the house?”
“Sounds like you have her the house then changed your mind and gave it to your husband but didn’t bother to ever tell the first person you promised the house to. That makes you an a**hole.”
“YTA. Of course she was upset, it has sentimental value and you promised it to her then did the opposite of that promise and never even told her.” ~ Screecheecheechee
“ESH. YTA for promising her a home she had a deep sentimental attachment to and then going back on your word without informing her. You flat out lied to her about something important- of course she’s mad.”
“She’s the a** for taking this out on your husband. This is your screw up not his.” ~ starchy2ber
“We don’t even know which Grandfather left OP the house. For all you know it was his Paternal Grandfather who left OP the house because he didn’t want his Daughter-in-Law to get her hands on it.” ~ Eira_Bliss
“My mother is not my grandfather’s daughter… My grandfather was afraid of my parents ruining the house or selling it. Unfortunately I have bad memories from that house and I don’t want it in my name.” ~ JJEZRS
“She doesn’t have attachment for the house, and my grandfather wasn’t her father, he was her father in law. She wants the house to modify it or sell it, which I don’t approve…” ~ JJEZRS
“Why did you promise this to her at all? – there was no reason for this. You are a grown man – you can say no to your mom. Or if you changed your mind about the house later, you should have told her right away. Then you would have been 100% in the right.”
“You screwed up and so did you mom, this info does not change the judgement.” ~ starchy2ber
“My husband is my husband first, that house was her father in law’s house. Technically it doesn’t belong to her, not even a little.”
“The house doesn’t even belong to my own father. My grandfather hated my father and he promised me to not let them sell the house, or modify it. I didn’t want my mother to ruin his house.”
“I consider it safe with my husband, but I don’t want the house in my name. I have very bad memories of that house.” ~ JJEZRS
This is a mess.