New relationships can be fraught with challenges. For one guy on Reddit, drama ensued with his new girlfriend when she noticed he spent more money on his female cousin’s Christmas gift than he did on hers.
He wasn’t sure about what to do about this situation, so went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
The Original Poster, who goes by Ta_MoneyMoney on the site, asked:
“AITA for spending more money on another woman than my gf?”
He explained:
“I(37m[ale]) took over running a construction company my family started a few years back. I do fairly well for myself, am not married with no children so while I invest and what not I also enjoy buying toys for myself and also treating those close to me.”
“I have been seeing my gf(Kelly34) exclusively for about 3 months. I really like her, she is a wonderful woman, but I like to take things slow.”
“I have run into issues in past relationships where the women either saw me as some “rich guy” and want to be a trophy wife, or they see me as extremely stable and “husband and father” material, I felt like they saw a provider vs a partner.”
“Anyways, Kelly’s birthday was last weekend. I made her breakfast, we spent the day together in the city, I bought her a few things and we had a nice dinner on the water front. I also got us tickets to see a show this weekend in the city.”
“I thought it was a nice day, and I spent a reasonable amount on it.”
“Since then she has been a bit distant and when I asked why she said she had noticed that for Christmas I spent a huge amount on my friends, especially Tory(33), and she felt like it was insulting that we are in a relationship and I am spending more on other women.”
“Now, I’ve known Tory since she was about 14, so about 20 years.”
“She was my aunt and uncles foster daughter. She actually lived with them after she aged out of the system until she was 20. She is essentially my cousin.”
“When I asked if she thought I should have spent more on her she said no, that I should have spent less on Tory since she isn’t actually family and I have a gf now.”
“I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Tory has had a hard life and has fought tooth and nail to overcome a lot, and I feel like she deserves nice things, and it’s not a huge deal for me to do it.”
“So AITA?”
“I probably spent 500 for her birthday and I got Tory a new MacBook for Christmas because her laptop was ancient and she had been wanting one forever.”
Redditors were then asked to judge who would be in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And there was virtually no debate on this one–everyone was Team OP.
“NTA AT ALL.”
“Tory is essentially family and it seems that’s how you treat her. So your girlfriend is just jealous.”
“You need to tell your GF that the true value of a gift is not in how much it costs.”–RealTexasJake
“NTA!”
“‘she isn’t actually family’. Oh yes she is. And even of she wasn’t, and was “just” a friend, so what? You’ve known her 20 years and have been dating GF for 12 Weeks.”
“I’d be happy if I had a great birthday with a BF and found out he was also even more generous to his friends. Means he’s not trying to buy me.” –meghanshadow
“The actual gifts given are also relevant. OP treated GF to a romantic dinner, day in the city and a show etc-the kind of things you do with your partner. He gave his cousin (and she is his cousin regardless of actual blood) a MacBook. That is not a romantic gift.”
“The cost is irrelevant-it’s what the gift symbolizes. GF got romantic, cousin got practical (not that you can only get cousins practical or you can’t give your partner practical- I’m saying this to show that there is no grounds for GF to be jealous)”
“NTA”–wearealreadyhere
“This chick got five bills for a birthday after 3 months and wanted more? She needs to exit stage right. She’s trying for the trophy job. Unless that’s what you want too, get out. Tory is your cousin. Family is not made by blood, it’s love. You’re a good guy. A good cousin. NTA” –Maleficent-Ear3571
“YTA if you stay…Bro this is a HUGE read flag if a chick is worried about where you spend your money after 3 months then its time to cut and run. You didnt even need to tell us why you spent money on someone else as its not are concern..” –DallasWolf21
“NTA – Tory is your family, blood or not. Your GF sounds like she has some jealousy issues. And seeing as how you’ve only been dating for a few months, that’s a pretty big red flag 🚩” –Janus270
“You’ve been dating for 3 months…. you’ve known the other person for most of your teenage and adult life….”
“Even if she wasn’t basically family, you should never stop caring for friends to make your partner happy. More red flags here then a soccer game. Use those flags to fly the hell away from her, she sounds toxic” –tired-and-pregnant
“NTA This is a sign for you to be cautious. Your relatively new girlfriend is comparing what you spent on other people and thinks she deserves more from you. Spending $500 on a thoughtful birthday is a lovely thing. You should be wary as it sounds like she may be another woman that feels entitled to your money because she’s with you.” –Aunty_Fascist
“NTA”
“And honestly her behaviour is a red flag 🚩”
“It would be different if you would be with your gf for a long time and you regularly spend excessively on your friends but don’t treat her aswell. But you’ve been dating for only 3 months. And she’s already showing her motivation behind it …”
“Also another 🚩 For the ‘but you have a gf now!'”
“This most likely shows she will not respect your friendships with other women.” –SaikaTheCasual
Hopefully OP can figure out what to do about this problem in his relationship.