Some people are more thoughtful than others. They like to put a lot of effort on presents and celebrating all their accomplishments.
Others can’t even remember a big life event.
Redditor The_Pickle_Thieves encountered this very issue with her family. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for being passive aggressive around my friends and family after they all forgot my birthday?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Throwaway bc my friends know my Reddit account and on mobile so bad formatting.”
“A few days ago was my (19F) birthday. I woke up not expecting a lot, but at least a simple ‘happy birthday’ or some sort of acknowledgement would’ve been enough to make me happy.”
“I never asked for anything or mentioned it prior because I don’t really need anything at the moment. All I wanted was a simple greeting.”
“However, this never came.”
“I went through my day as usual and nobody said anything. I live with my mom and sister, and neither of them mentioned it. I also have my birthday set up on my snapchat, where my friends text me and they can see that it’s my birthday, plus they get a notification. Nobody texted me or called.”
OP makes it a point to celebrate her friends and family.
“I always make sure to remember my friends and families’ birthdays.”
“For my mom, who never wants anything, I always give her a card and a cake and she’s delighted. I’ll give my sister a game for her switch or some coloring tools. I give my friends candy and gift personalized for them, hell I even made one of my best friends a scrapbook of all of us one year.”
“I do all of this with a good heart and expect virtually nothing in return but acknowledgment for my gifts.”
“But this year, no one said a thing to me. I’m fine with not receiving presents, but no one even attempted to speak to me.”
“I was really puzzled at first, my mom nor my friends never plan surprise parties, it’s always upfront. As the day passed, I realized that everyone had forgot.”
“This was a soul crushing discovery.”
“I understand that tons of people go without hearing ‘happy birthday’ for years at a time, but I literally live with my family and keep close contact with my friends. At least 1 person should’ve said something.”
OP was really upset.
“I was pissed. I remember everyone’s special day but no one remembers mine. So I was passive aggressive.”
“I have been refusing to speak to anyone. My friends have texted me and asked why I’m avoiding them, but I refuse to reply. When my mom asked what was wrong, I asked her what she thought it was.”
“After she badgered me for an answer, I told her she forgot my birthday, almost in tears.”
“She then laughed and said ‘you should’ve told me if you wanted me to say something.'”
“Naturally, I blew up and said that I was her kid and that she should’ve remembered, and that I always remember hers. She retaliated by saying it’s not that big of a deal and I didn’t ask for anything, so I obviously didn’t care.”
“We fought for a long time, in which she called me a spoiled brat and a petty a**hole for making such a big deal out of this and I ended up crying and storming out.”
“My friends also realized this and have tried getting ahold of me, but I’m still furious and my mom hasn’t made the situation any better.”
“Now she won’t talk to me and my friends have reached the ‘you should’ve told us and not been such a drama queen’ stage.”
“So Reddit, am I just being petty? AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“I hate when people forget and then retaliate with, ‘But you should have said something!’ If you have to remind someone to be thoughtful it feels like they’re saying/doing something out of obligation, and not because they actually care about you—and the last person you should have to remind is the one who went through labour to have you.”
“I can understand being passive-aggressive on the day (I’d probably do a bit of that, too), but you have to be careful about stopping at a certain point. It would be a shame to push everyone away and damage your relationships long-term because they forgot your birthday.”
“If I were you, next year I’d make a fuss of myself on my birthday. Buy a cake, get myself something nice for a present, maybe order in my favorite food (for one!) and leave them out of it.” ~ Ellebee458
“That sounds like a great idea. I’ve mostly cooled down by now. I just feel really numb and shitty, but I can acknowledge that what I’ve done isn’t helping anyone. I’ll probably do that next year, so incase it is forgotten again, I’ll be able to focus on something else. Thank you.” ~ The_Pickle_Thieves
“As someone who stopped trying to be noticed by those I cared about years ago, I get it. It can hurt, A LOT when those you care for and are thoughtful of forget about you and then blame you for not mentioning it.”
“Like, if you don’t care for me, why should I have to.”
“It isn’t my job to REMIND you to be thoughtful…and it would come across as conceited. As for your friends who do seem contrite but have had enough of you being slightly childish for dragging it out for so long with NC, make it funny.”
“Something like, ‘since you all seem genuinely sorry for forgetting my birthday, I accept your apologies! I will be accepting very expensive I’m sorry/happy bday gifts by the end of the week. Her Majesty has spoken’ or whatever works for your friendship dynamic. Being silly and funny may help diffuse the tension that has built up. And I love the ‘celebrate yourself’ idea.” ~ familyofnone
OP’s family and friends should try and make it up to her.