Social media can be a lot, especially for those who are around influencers and those trying to become influencers.
One Redditor, Throwawayname872, is married to someone who loves showing off her baby bump.
The Original Poster (OP) got so annoyed that they asked her to stop with the pictures, and took to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) for feedback on their request.
They asked,
"AITA for telling my wife to stop excessively posting pictures of her belly to Instagram?"
The OP went on to explain themselves.
"My wife [Female age 34] is currently pregnant and basically she's been really "marketing" it on her Instagram, almost every story she has or post involves showing off a photo of her belly and I'm really fed up with it."
"I've had to work a lot more, some weeks I'm not home for a good chunk of the week, I used to feel pretty happy checking her Instagram stories, what she's up to?, what's she doing with our girls? etc."
"However, it's just boring and the same."
"Even her friends are starting to get fed up with it, she recently posted a picture that was just her smiling and one of her friends commented,'You look lovely, glad it's not another belly pic.'"
"I decided to talk to her about it and told her I would really prefer to tone down posting photos of her belly, everyone knows she's pregnant and I would really prefer if she would go back to what she did before on Instagram."
"We got into an argument, her saying it's her personal Instagram, "don't watch if you don't like it," "I don't understand what it feels like," etc."
"Now she's kinda in a little huff and not really communicating with me."
"I can understand she's very excited and happy being pregnant and is pretty bored being out of work, however, I really felt I needed to tell her to tone it down. I don't [sic] her posting our child's face all over social media either."
"AITA?"
Redditors gave their opinions on the matter by saying:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA.
"YTA"
"Not your belly. Not your Instagram." - SalmonOfNoKnowledge
"Piggybacking to say; my dude, that's your child. And you're not home for long stretches."
"Your wife is probably lonely and feeling like she's doing all of this pregnancy herself, so she's trying to make herself feel better by posting and getting love and assurance from friends and loved ones."
"YTA so badly." - Sad-Raise-754
"I was on the YTA train when I read the title, but when he says near the end that she's 'in a little huff,' the a**hole meter was going off the charts."
"Such a condescending way to say, 'I asked my wife to just post the stuff I like on her Instagram, and she got mad about it, them wimminz and their emotions amirite?'" - Moravandra
"Yta, she's enjoying posting about her pregnancy, and she's not hurting anyone" - shoxford
"I mean, unfollow her if it bothers you and your friends that much. Her body, her choice."
"Unless it's you or your kids are in the pictures, you don't get to say what she can post on her Instagram. YTA." - pizzagirl701
"YTA"
"You should ask yourself why it bothers you that she's happy to be carrying your child and wants to show it off, so much so that you're willing to crush her happiness over something this harmless."
"Really dig deep and get to the bottom of that before this character failing damages your relationship irrevocably. As it stands, she's never going to forget this."
"How this should have gone-"
"Friend: too many belly shots"
"Appropriate loving husband: that beautiful belly is carrying my baby. More belly shots!"
"Then you go home and tell your wife how happy you are that she is cherishing carrying your child this much." - Choice_Mongoose2427
"YTA. A huge a**hole. Your wife is absolutely correct that she can post whatever she wants on her personal Instagram."
"She is your wife, not your infant child. The level of control you are trying to exert over her is disturbing." - NewCanadianMTurker
"YTA she's happy and excited about the little being she's growing. You're getting annoyed at her IG? So don't fkn look at it." - joeswastedtime
"YTA"
"I'm sorry, is her Instagram something she's supposed to do to please you or to please herself?" - madelinegumbo
"I'm also 34, like OP's wife, so I know a decent amount of women who've had babies in recent years or are currently pregnant."
"They all post like this. It's a belly pic like every other day at the least."
"They're excited. Let them be excited. OP, YTA" - ChikaDeeJay
"YTA - it's her IG, her body, her pregnancy, and if you don't like it, don't watch it. You have eyes don't use them...." - ReviewOk929
"YTA. What's your problem?? Stop policing her Instagram."
"If you don't want to look at photos of her pregnant belly, then don't look at her page. This is a you problem." - Pepper-90210
"I'm confused... Is the only real reason you have against it is that you and maybe some of her friends find it boring?"
"It's her space to do what she wants, it's harmless, and people with an issue can either stop watching or unfollow. Yourself included..."
"YTA." - LemonRoll_Rabbit
"YTA"
"What she posts on her personal Instagram is none of your business."
"If you don't like the pictures, just don't look at them."
"And if you want to know what she has been doing - how about calling or texting and actually asking her?" - cave-felem
"YTA, anyone who doesn't want to see what she posts shouldn't look."
"You have a valid point at the end about your children's faces being online, but it doesn't sound like that's was your main concern at all, and in your post, you say that you like seeing what she's up to with your girls…"
"If you go back to this topic, apologize and focus on making sure your children are not the focus of any publicly accessible content." - Sea-Sky3177
"YTA. Leave your wife be. She's excited, and you have no right to tell her to stop posting photos of herself."
"Let her enjoy her pregnancy. It won't last forever." - Alive-Armadillo-126
"YTA"
"Pick your battles. This is very low stakes and says far more about you than it does about her." - Hapnhopeless
"YTA and take her advice - stop looking if it bugs you. East fix to your problem." - banksyswife
"YTA for sure. Might wanna take some time and figure out why it bothers you so much." - white_choco_latte
"I mean YTA. She was right it IS her social media, and you should be proud and happy she's posting preggo pics versus @ss and tit pics which is the norm on IG. 🤷🏽♀️" - AsimpsonsPrediction
"YTA. Being pregnant and being home alone and/or just with the kids most of the time can be incredibly isolating, especially since you are admittedly not there most of the time."
"She's pregnant, she's only getting more pregnant, and Instagram is probably an outlet for her. So what is the actual problem here, and who is she hurting?" - breadburn
"1.YTA. Solely because it is her Instagram account, and she gets to decide what she posts there."
"2. I understand your concerns. But I have a question for you here. Was she like this during her earlier pregnancies as well?"
"If not, why now? Is it possible that there is something going on here that you are missing?"
"Is she feeling unloved or neglected during this pregnancy that she is turning to social media to get some validation?"
"Usually people make a lot of fuss during a woman's first pregnancy while with subsequent pregnancies, the mom is pretty much on her own."
"I would suggest that you find out if something is really bothering her and what exactly that is so that you can help her out in the right way." - HannahPoppyMommy
"YTA. You haven't articulated a single reason for her to change her posting habits, other than 'I'm getting sick of seeing those posts.'"
"And that's not a good reason because, as your wife said, it's her social media page and nobody is forcing you to read it." - BrockVelocity
"YTA, your wife is right; if you don't like it don't watch it, and it's her Instagram, not yours."
"Also there's a very big difference between her posting pictures of her belly and your later comment of 'posting our child's face all over social media which she hasn't done." - MaryJaneFury
"YTA if she's not posting anything that is harmful to you or the kids you can be put off by her belly posts but not your place to tell her to stop posting."
"Not the hill to die on my friend." - Jolly_Cycle_5597
"YTA. You are not entitled to content from anyone, even your wife."
"What you can do is have a conversation with her about how you feel like you're missing out from working so hard, and would she mind sending you updates or pictures of the kids?" - EmpressJainaSolo
Hopefully, these expectant parents can get on the same page before the baby is born.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp