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Guy Livid After Spouse Refuses To Lie To His Friends’ Wives About Going To A Strip Club

Men at strip club
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Redditor Cold-Succotash2120 is in an argument with their husband regarding confidentiality around going to a strip club.

The Original Poster (OP) is privy to the fact that their husband and his friends had plans to attend one such establishment.

However, the OP’s husband wants the OP to swear not to tell the wives.

This drove the OP to subReddit, “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

They asked:

“AITA for refusing to lie about my husbands friends going to a strip club?”

They went on to explain:

“My husband went out with 2 friends, both of whom I know well and consider their wives friends as well. They are people I care about.”

“I do not care if my husband goes to a strip club. I’m not upset he went although I was upset I wasn’t given notice so I could adjust mentally.”

“My husband swears it was a last-minute decision which I can accept and get over. I knew about it the night of.”

“He texted me and told me not to tell the wives. This is where I became upset. I had no intentions of running off to say anything to them, but now knowing they’d both be upset is different.” “

I knew 1 likely wouldn’t approve but wasn’t going to inquire to find out for sure.”

“I was surprised about the other wife as I know her husband has gone to strip clubs in the past and once we had all planned to go to a strip club together with another friend but plans didn’t work out.”

“I initially refused altogether but attempted to compromise with my husband that unless I’m asked specifically I won’t say anything.”

“I can’t actually imagine a scenario where they’d ask me specifically. My husband stated that unless I agree to lie he cannot have me around them at all and won’t invite them over or go over with me.”

“While I consider them friends, they’re all through my husband and aren’t people I usually hang out with without my husband.”

“1 lives a few hours away. The local one we have hung out a few times without our husbands but it’s rare. It’s almost always a family event with all our kids. Situations I’d be sad to lose.”

“My husband’s concern is they’ll never want to hang out with him if he causes problems in their relationship and now regrets telling me.”

“Which is a new argument for us because finding out later would be a betrayal to me.”

“So AITA if I don’t agree to lie if they ask me specifically?”

“Edited because I think it might be important after a comment. I said friend to stay in word count.. 1 is a cousin, and 1 is a friend of my husband since boot camp.”

“My husband is no longer on active duty, but this is a very close friend.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“I would be pissed that he is essentially saying that these friends are more important than having an open an honest relationship with his own wife.”

“Why does your husband want friends who lie to their wives? Is he that hard up for guy friends?”

“There would be a major row in my house over the fact that he is asking you to lie and then blackballing you if you won’t.”

“I don’t know if I would want my husband hanging out with these guys sins this is how he behaves as a result of it.” – Patient_Meaning_2751

“Maybe you should ask your husband why he wants to associate with people like that.”

“For some reason, he chose to make their problem your problem. A problem that really shouldn’t exist if his friends were decent people.” – Reddit


“‘If your wife isn’t willing to lie to my wife, I don’t think I can hang out with you anymore…’”

“NGL I’d be ok if that dude didn’t come around anymore.” – DaveWpgC

“NTA All of it feels yucky to me and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty or gross for what they did. They should be talking to their wives like you and your husband talked.” – Top-Yam1151

“So your husband is demanding you compromise your own morals or he will treat you with dishonesty? which means he is comfortable with the idea of lying to you.”

“I don’t know about you, but I’d be wondering if he’s actually been as honest with me as I thought he was. NTA” – AethericOwl

“NTA. If you’re not doing anything wrong, you shouldn’t need to lie. They know they’re doing some sleazy sh*t, which is why they want you complicit in their lie.”

“A strip club is not an innocent fun time with the boys. There are only two things to do at a strip club: buy sex or debase the staff.”

“The first is cheating, and the second is sociopathic. Neither is a good look.”

“If my partner were going to a strip club regularly with friends, I would wonder what they were looking for there that I was not providing.” – t3hnosp0on

“This to me sounds like paying attention to action, not words. I’ve read some of OP’s comments, and it feels like sandpaper on my skin.”

“I’m not saying she’s irritating but based off life, it’s giving me pings of this isn’t right. Like just bc someone is good-looking doesn’t mean they won’t cheat w a stripper.”

“The fact that he’s ok with men who outright lie to their wives, shows that he’s ok with it too. Plain and simple.”

“I bet if you and the wives sat down and laid every thing out, you’d find out MANY things that you all were lied to about. Because you trust him, you trust in what he’s telling you.”

“I understand, but good liars use truth in their lies & that’s what makes them believable. Your response to be like well, I wasn’t gonna say anything to them, but now it’s weird so I feel I should.”

“It’s valid. Because they probably don’t like it, and you know it, but you want to keep the peace. That’s a situation those men put you all under.”

“If your partner is doing something w sexual undertones that you don’t approve of, you have the right to know and to be able to make decisions based off of fact.”

“Stripper sh*t seems so 20yr old bs. Like you are going to see real ppl get naked and perform suggestively and don’t see how a partner in a relationship wouldn’t like it.”

“It’s not fake, it’s not porn, it’s not entertainment in the sense of like a ballet bc of dancing. It’s to get horny or I indulge in a raunchy atmosphere.”

“If you’re in a monogamous relationship, it’s easy to see where you wouldn’t like your partner ALONE, IN SECRET going there.”

“(I will say I don’t see anything wrong with going to a strip club or being a stripper, but I don’t want my person sexualizing another woman and seeing them naked.”

“It’s not porn where they are actors in a movie you don’t interact with.)”

“I just suggest you take a beat, and if you haven’t really thought boundaries through besides cheating, I would delve into that a bit.”

“The way you have to mentally prepare, just suggests you don’t really like it but trust in him and don’t want to rock the boat.”

“Also BS on him saying he doesn’t like it. Please girl no.”

“There are other alternatives to a strip bar, and he’s saying he doesn’t want to come off as lame or whatever by not going with them…”

“…& for saying he regrets telling you the truth bc of how they see him. What?!?!?!!! Their opinion matters more to him than YOUR feelings and opinion of him.”

“Yikes. Just…. Take a few steps back and look at this as if it’s a stranger and just observe.” – PassageSignificant28

“Umm. Just a thought: maybe he’s afraid that if you rat out his friends to their wives, the friends will rat him out to you. Sounds like they all hold each other’s secrets.” – gklangdon72

“Everything else aside, are you okay with knowing your husband is absolutely willing to lie and ask others to do so in order to pull the wool over the wives eyes??”

“And then telling you that YOU won’t be invited to hang out in their company if you don’t lie for them. Ouch.”

“NTA but please don’t agree to lie.” – No-Chicken-7122

“Am I [36-year-old Male] in the minority to think that going to a strip club alone while being in a relationship is wrong on so many levels?”

“How is strip club so normalized on the other side if the pond? Is is beyond me.”

“You are NTA, they are. Since they knew some partners were (rightfully imo) against it.” – CarrotOne

The OP went on to post an update:

Update: we haven’t come to a consensus, but we do regular marriage counseling and have agreed to table this discussion and schedule a session to discuss this further.”

“So right now, we’re good because it’s tabled.”

This relationship seems to be veering into dangerous territory.

Do you have any thoughts? Let us know in the comments below.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)