If everyone had complete and utter control of their emotions, the world would be a much happier place.
Yet, as we all know, no matter how hard some people may try, no one has absolute control over their emotions.
There are some people who, despite their best efforts, have little to no control.
Often resulting in them causing scenes or saying things they deeply regret.
Having recently suffered a painful loss, Redditor gfyourselfaita was less than inclined to attend a party being held by their sister-in-law (SIL).
However, at the urging of their wife, the original poster (OP) reluctantly attended.
A decision they rather quickly regretted, as they found themselves saying a few choice words to their SIL after she made remarks they did not appreciate.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For telling my SIL to go f*ck herself at her baby’s sip and see?”
The OP explained why they found they felt the need to put their SIL in her place at her “sip and see’ party:
“My wife’s sister, Jen (33 F[emale]) and her husband, Matt (35 M[ale]) welcomed their first child about 4 months ago.”
“Jen didn’t want a baby shower but decided on doing a ‘sip & see’ for close relatives to meet the baby.”
“This happened last Saturday.”
“My wife has met the baby before this, but it was my first time seeing them since the birth.”
“About 2 months ago, my dad passed away unexpectedly in his sleep.”
“It’s been a really difficult time for me.”
“But I’m in therapy and on anti-depressants, both of which are helping.”
“I wasn’t really looking forward to attending the sip & see, but it meant a lot to my wife that I come with her and she kind of pressured me to come since I hadn’t seen the baby yet.”
“The event was just close family, about 15 of us total, and very informal.”
“About an hour into the event, Jen asked me if I wanted to hold the baby.”
“I told her I didn’t really want to, but she pretty much shoved the baby into my arms.”
“She then sat next to me and told me that she was sorry about my dad and that they regretted not being able to attend the funeral because of the baby.”
“I thanked her and told her not to worry about the funeral, I understand.”
“She then went on this weird tangent about a new life springing from death and renewal of energy.”
“I had no idea what she was talking about, and just kind of nodded along.”
“Then she said that she hopes seeing and holding a beautiful baby will help me get over my loss.”
“It was a weird comment, and I looked at her and told her, ‘No, this is not helping me get over the death of my dad’.”
“She got defensive and told me that it was supposed to be a joyous day to celebrate a new life and that I should be happy and not dwell on my dad’s death.”
“I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of everyone, but I was pissed.”
“I handed Jen her baby back and leaned in close to her and whispered, ‘Go f*ck yourself, Jen’.”
“I then got up and walked over to my wife and told her that I needed to leave.”
“I told her she can stay if she wants, but I need to get out of there ASAP.”
“She asked me why, and I told her I would talk to her about it on the drive home or later if she wanted to stick around.”
“By that time, Jen had gotten up and was on a warpath.”
“She came up to me, still holding the baby, and poked her finger at me, telling me I have no right to talk to her like that.”
“That got everyone’s attention, and now everyone was looking at us.”
“Matt came over to ask what was going on, my wife was confused, Jen was basically yelling, the baby was starting to cry.”
“It was a mess.”
“I told my wife I need to leave and she needs to make a decision right then.”
“She ended up coming home with me.”
“I explained what happened on the drive home, and she said she understood why I was upset by Jen’s comments and agreed she was out of line, but I shouldn’t have said that to her.”
“My wife has been getting a lot of grief from Jen and her parents, basically calling me the biggest AH they’ve ever met.”
“I don’t even know if an apology will help.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for snapping at Jen over her comments about their late father.
While some felt that the OP could have chosen their words a little more carefully, most agreed that they were in a fragile state. Jen was being incredibly insensitive towards the OP, and she had no one to blame but herself for the subsequent scene that was caused.
“NTA.”
“Jen made your father’s death about her and her baby, which is weird.”
“There are some people who need to make everything about themselves, and Jen is definitely that person.”- Infinite_Singer5750
“NTA.”
“My condolences to you for your loss. Jen behaved inappropriately — first, handing you her baby when you already said you didn’t want to hold the baby.”
“That’s odd; who does that?”
“Secondly, she tried to spout some pseudospiritual, poetic BS when you didn’t ask and clearly weren’t interested.”
“Many people dont like cussing, but I think she brought it upon herself.”
“You’re also grieving, and she kept pushing and became defensive even after you said it wasn’t helping.”
“She could’ve simply apologized, gathered her child and moved to another guest.”- chaenukyun
“You over-reacted.”
“Your SIL’s remarks went off the rails and you lost control.”
“I don’t think you should apologize.”
“SIL should be willing to accept that she struck the wrong nerve with her over-solicitous comments about death, etc.”
“Her baby is not some vehicle of healing.”
“She’s just one of those mothers who can’t think beyond her own pride of being a mother.”
“NTA If SIL and ILs want to make this a forever conflict, not your problem.”
“They should have the maturity to realize that SIL just went too far.”- hadMcDofordinner
“NTA.”
“She’s the one who brought up your dad’s death ffs!”
“She made you hold the baby against your wishes, and it didn’t immediately give you amnesia about the death of your father.”
“I’m sorry about your dad.”- TemptingPenguin369
“NTA.”
“Is your sister-in-law under the impression she’s given birth to the next lord and savior?”
“She’s sure putting a lot of responsibilities on its shoulders.”
“Simply holding him cures one of all their anguish in life.”
“Sheesh, she’s delusional.”- BluePopple
“Your SIL is an a**hat.”
“I don’t understand how people assume of the birth of someone new gets you over the person whom passed.”
“I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad I hope you have the most amazing memories of your dad.”
“NTA.”- Bitter_Animator2514
There were a few who while they agreed Jen was being insensitive, felt the way the OP handled things was equally out of line and immature, and they should consider apologizing to Jen for what they said:
“ESH.”
“I’ve lost a parent, and nobody says the right thing, and it gets annoying and makes you sad, and all that anger you feel over the loss is brimming at the surface.”
“However, you told your wife’s sister to f*ck herself.”
“How is that okay?”
“Yes, she sucks, but you made an even bigger scene.”
“I’ll probably get downvoted, but must we always one up the AH?”
“Like if someone is being an AH do we have to ourselves the bigger one?”- Fun-Barber3932
“ESH.”
“She was meddling where she didn’t belong even if her intentions were good.”
“Your grief isn’t an excuse to tell your SIL to go f*ck herself at her party to celebrate her baby, and her behavior did not rise to that level.”
“Use your words.”
“You should practice this before you have your own kids.”
“A simple, ‘Jen, I know your trying to help but please stop I would rather just…’.”
“Even just handing her the baby and walking away would be fine.”
“You wanted to light that fuse so you could leave, and now you are asking the internet for forgiveness.”- maybe-an-ai
Telling someone to f*ck themself isn’t a particularly nice thing to say.
But the way Jen was trying to use her baby to tell the OP to get over their grief was bizarre to the point of cruelty.
While it’s not hard to imagine that Jen will hold off on speaking to the OP again until they offer an apology, one hopes she will also think about everything she said to them and maybe offer an apology first.