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Mom Insists Spouse Stop Talking To FIL After He Gifted Grandson A Car For His 16th Birthday

A young man holds up keys to a car
Tetra Images/Getty Images

Getting your driver’s license is meant to be an exciting time.

It’s a huge step towards independence.

But not all parents are thrilled with the transition.

Case in point…

Redditor RoadTrip6 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for telling my wife not to talk to my dad, but I will continue to?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“A month ago, my oldest turned sixteen.”

“For his sixteenth birthday, the plan was to let him skip school, get to the D[epartment] of M[otor] V[ehicles] when it opens, take the driving test, go on a small road trip, be back around when school gets out and then all go out for a family dinner.”

“Over the weekend would be his celebration with his friends.”

“Skipping school for the DMV test was planned in advance, but the road trip was a surprise.”

“A few days before the road trip, my wife asked me to take our three-year-old with me that day.”

“I said I wasn’t taking a toddler to the DMV; that place is a cesspit.”

“Also, the road trip is for additional driving practice before he’s able to drive unsupervised.”

“A toddler distracting him is not a good idea.”

“My wife said she wanted the day to herself, and if I wasn’t willing to take our toddler, the birthday stuff needs to be moved to the weekend so I can.”

“I said I would take our toddler to work with me the next day, but our oldest’s birthday is his day, so he’s the priority.”

“She got angry and said she’s made a hundred sacrifices for our kids, and saying she isn’t a priority (not what I said) is disgusting.”

“It was a big fight.”

“On my son’s birthday, she texted me that I’m an a**hole multiple times.”

“At the dinner, she was in a bad mood.”

“After everyone ate, my dad asked us all to go out to the parking lot.”

“He handed the keys to his car to my son, saying he was getting a new one.”

“He also said he would continue to pay the insurance for a year.”

“My wife asked me if I knew about this, and I didn’t.”

“She didn’t believe me.”

“My wife has called and texted my dad multiple times asking if he is going to do this for all of our kids, saying he shouldn’t have done this without asking us first.”

“And telling him if he can’t do this for all the kids, he needs to take the car back.”

“Eventually, he told her to shut up and stop bothering him.”

“My wife told me I need to stop talking to my dad.”

“She said he used offensive language (he texted ‘stop bothering me woman,’ which she says is sexist) towards her, and I need to support her.”

“I said she needs to stop talking to my dad, not me.”

“I’ll support her not talking to him.”

“My wife said I am disrespecting her, that I won’t listen when she says she needs help and let my family treat her poorly.”

“I think she is creating these situations herself.”

“She looks for offense and then finds it.”

“Am I the a**hole?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. I can’t believe anyone would think that taking the three-year-old to your older son’s driving test and road trip on his birthday would be the time for a break.”

“That’s a punishment for your older child.”

“This whole thing smells of something bigger.”

“Is your older son hers biologically?”

“This is bizarre to me.”

“I have four kids ranging from 10-1.”

“I wouldn’t think to send out three year old somewhere like the DMV.”

“That’s hell for everyone involved, even the toddler.”

“If you’re trying to make this situation right as far as the break, I’d probably offer a hotel room one weekend.”

“Let her have a day and full night’s break.”

“That’s always the dream for me when I am overwhelmed.”

“She sounds like she’s really, really needing a break.”

“As far as the car, I’d try to say let’s be glad we can save the money we were going to spend on son’s car for the next kid’s car.”  ~ Tdm85129

“Honestly, your wife sounds like a narcissist.”

“She’s not happy unless she’s the center of attention or has managed to sabotage or upset someone/everyone around her.”

“At which point she can play the victim/be the center of attention because people are mad at her.”

“She’s creating drama on purpose and sounds toxic.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised to hear this was a regular routine for her.” ~ PSA-Warrior

“I was looking for this comment because that was my gut instinct too.”

“My mother used to pull this crap all the time.”

“One birthday, I planned on just getting lunch with my brothers.”

“My mother threw a fit and demanded that she needed to go shopping, and my brothers and dad HAD to go with her (gotta get those sales!).”

“No one called or let me know, I was stood up on my 25th birthday.”

“NTA… but I’m going to guess this isn’t the first time your wife has needed to be the center of attention, good or bad, and messed up plans for her needs.”

“Your son is getting more independence and privileges as he gets older, and narcissists frequently feel the need to exert control or punish in this kind of scenario.”

“As for the car, my grandmother also gave me her old car.”

“My mother then sold it to another relative.”

“Never saw the money from that. I bought another car, she then stole it.”

“She was always petty and jealous if something wasn’t about her or if she didn’t get something, especially if she didn’t get the best of something.”

“I didn’t bother again until I was in college and had internships lined up.”

“Keep an eye on your wife and provide some support to your son… I’m guessing this has been going on longer than you realize.” ~ vinegargirl757

“OP, you’re not seeing it, but she IS fighting with HIM, only she is dragging you and your dad into it.”

“She’s tried to make his birthday unpleasant, was in a mood at his birthday dinner, and tried to take the car he was given away from him because it’s ‘unfair’ on a future possibility of the younger kids may be potentially not getting a car from granddad?”

“She’s being either ridiculous, she thrives on drama, or she’s a gigantic AH.”

“Or all 3.”  ~ MamanBear79

“Sounds like she’s doing everything she can to ruin your son’s birthday out of bitterness and spite.”

“To suddenly want to have your son’s birthday or his celebratory weekend to herself by making the 3-year-old go with him is so vindictive.”

“What’s even worse is she tried to get his present taken from him AND tell you to go no contact with your dad for not bending to her will.”

“They have six biological kids together, all boys except the 2nd born is an 11 girl.”

“She is disabled, and OP says she may not be able to drive ever, but things can change as OP says.”

“16 M[ale] is the 1st born and unplanned, but OP says that that doesn’t make the wife not like 16 M.”

“With this extra information, I still think OP NTA and the wife are TA for basically demanding other family members to promise to buy all kids cars, which is a valid concern of favoritism.”

“But to take the kid’s big day away shows she likely doesn’t like her firstborn, which may have influenced the ‘car anger.'” ~ Tastygyal

“NTA. You offered a solution for her to have a day off the next day your wife’s being unreasonable.” ~ annoyingusername99

“Is this behavior from her completely from out of left field, or is her personality just like this in general and this is the latest nonsense?”

“Could she be in the early stages of pregnancy and really emotional/irrational?”

“Possible mental health issues, diagnosed or not?”

“Is the relationship between you in a rut, and is she lashing out to express frustration?”

“Anyway, you are NTA, whatever the cause.”

“DMV/Road test/bday road trip isn’t the place for a toddler, and it’s completely unreasonable of her to demand it and throw a fit.”

“As is her reasoning in regards to your father.” ~ intruda1

“NTA- take the toddler to the DMV and road trip?”

“And why does her time to herself have to be that day specifically?”

“Couldn’t she get another day to herself?”

“Yes, your son’s birthday is the priority. Agree.”

“I’m a mom, by the way, if that matters.”

“The thing about the car- I can understand about the other kids, BUT she shouldn’t have handled it the way she did.”

“I honestly would’ve just been grateful.”

“Seems like she likes to look for or create issues.”

“Ok, the dad called her woman, geez, everyone saying he’s sexist now… well, she was an AH… so. It was a generous gift, and she was disrespectful.” ~ TiredxUnderpaid

“If this story is true, your wife sounds exhausting.”

“No one is going to stop talking to their dad because he referred to someone as ‘woman’ (especially after being badgered with relentless calls and texts). NTA.” ~ FormulaZR

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

Not talking to your own parent feels extreme to everyone who commented.

It sounds like you and your wife may need to have a discussion about deeper issues than the car.

Good luck.