Are minor children ever responsible for financially supporting their parents’ or stepparent’s wants or needs?
A teen being told to give his mother and stepfather money he received from his late father’s family turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
LanSolswo asked:
“AITAH because I won’t let my mom and stepdad use my money to pay for a different kind of skin graft for my stepsister?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Before my mom met my stepdad, my stepsister (12, female)—we’re not biologically related—was badly burned and ended up needing skin grafts. Her face, chest and belly were burned.”
“Her chest and belly weren’t as bad, but her face was and she needed a few skin grafts. You could always tell she had skin grafts and burns and she’s been bullied in school on and off because of it.”
“Two years ago, my stepdad found out about some different type of skin graft or treatment that can make it look better. But it was expensive.”
“My mom and him started saving up for that because insurance doesn’t cover it, but then she needed emergency surgery for her appendix and they had to use that money to cover some of the medical bills. They didn’t have a lot saved to begin with.”
“I (17, male) spent the summer out of state with my dad’s family like I do every ear. My dad died when I was 5 and most of my summer’s are spent with them.”
“This year they sent me home with a lot of money. It’s in an account they made for me that I can access at any time.”
“In mid-September my mom found out about the account because she saw me access it and saw how much I had in it. She asked where it came from and I told her.”
“Then she asked me why I never mentioned it and I told her I didn’t see why I’d have to. She told my stepdad and the two of them told me the money in the account would help pay a large % of the new skin graft they want my stepsister to have.”
“They told me they could find a way to make up the rest. I told them I wasn’t giving them the money for that though.”
“My stepdad asked me why the hell not and I said because it’s not for her, it’s for me. My mom tried over the next few weeks to bring me around, but she couldn’t.”
“By now she’s told me about three times that she’s disappointed in me and she doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t want my stepsister’s life to get better. My stepdad told me I shouldn’t spend Thanksgiving with them if I won’t help my stepsister.”
“He said Thanksgiving is for families and I’m not acting much like a brother. I told him that’s because I’m a stepbrother, not a brother.”
“We’ve never been close—there’s no bond between us. If my mother divorced him tomorrow, I’d never see her again and my mother probably wouldn’t either.”
“So I won’t be spending Thanksgiving with them.”
“But AITAH for not using the money for my stepsister?”
The OP later added:
“My grandparents gave me the money now because they knew I had stuff I needed for school (high school) like certain things upgraded. They also wanted me to be able to move out and rent somewhere at 18 if I chose to do that because I had talked about it.”
“So they wanted me to have the money now and not when it was too late or if something happened.”
“Only my grandparents or I can make changes or withdraw money from the account. My grandparents already covered that for me. They wanted to keep the money safe.”
“They mentioned they wanted me to be able to pay for stuff I need for school or if I want to move out at any point, I can do that without struggling with bills at first.”
“They said there’s more money after I turn 19 that dad left me. Not a huge amount, but I know dad made sure I would have something before he died and his family wants to make sure I can transition into independence easier (their words).”
My mom and stepdad can’t access the account. They don’t know all the account details and their names aren’t connected to it. Only me and my grandparents can access it.”
“I can’t move in with my dad’s family right now. I still have to finish high school and my dad’s family lives in another state.”
“I know I would never get the money back. They never offered or even mentioned any plan to pay it back.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not responsible for his stepfather’s child (NTA).
“OP, any money you receive from your dad (or his side) is yours and yours alone; therefore, you are NOT the AH. Your mom and stepdad have no right to put their hands in YOUR cookie jar!”
“Your mom betrayed you. YOUR inheritance is none of your stepdad’s business! In both disclosing its existence and in pressuring you to donate it, your mom is betraying you.”
“Your mom and stepdad are pressuring you, a minor in their custody, to use your wealth for purposes that do NOT benefit you, but them. Your paternal grandparents need to know about this ASAP.”
“Your grandparents need to know that your mom and stepdad were pressuring you to give them that money. There are ways to set up their estate so that it goes to you, only you, and nobody can take it from you.”
“If they have considerable assets, they should consider consulting with an estate-planning attorney. S/he can set up their estate to ensure that your mom and stepdad never get their hands on their assets.” ~ TinkerbellRockNRolls
“Please get your grandparents to help you go online and lock your credit. Make sure they haven’t already opened anything in your name. If your mom and stepdad truly wanted to help his daughter, they would work extra jobs or get loans. Any parent would.”
“They are trying to take the easy way out. They should be ashamed of themselves. Your dad’s family is probably doing what he asked them to. He’d want you to have that money for your future.” ~ Dapper-Platform-6520
“NTA. That’s the money your dad would have left for you to secure your future. It’s wrong for them to try to force you to give it up. Sorry about your stepsister, but your mum and stepdad should just find another way.” ~ Agitated-Mistake-415
“I’m going out on a limb and assuming there’s a reason the dad’s family set it all up for OP with his mom out of the loop.” ~ RockAtlasCanus
“Asking a kid to bankroll their lives is wild when they’re fully capable of working more themselves. That’s not support, that’s straight-up financial guilt-tripping.” ~ LowWritingsss
“Stepfather, mother, and the stepsister’s biological mother can get the money together for this operation. OP is already donating money, in a way, since any money their mom is saving for this operation isn’t going toward OP’s needs.” ~ Dry_Prompt3182
“NTA, because the money is in no way meant for your stepfather, his daughter, or even your mother for that matter. Them banishing you from Thanksgiving only proves that they are now willing to marginalize you to get their hands on it and it won’t stop there.”
“Make certain you keep your funds safely tucked away and you may even have to let your dad’s family know that any future money passed along to you needs to be safeguarded because your mother and her husband feel entitled to it.” ~ roxywalker
“Confirm that your mom also is uninviting you from Thanksgiving, so that later down the road she is not able to say that SHE didn’t do that.” ~ soihavetosay
“Did they contact Shriner’s Hospitals or set up a GoFundMe or do fundraisers? If not, then they don’t need your money, it’s just easier for them to take yours instead of trying to get it themselves.”
“They essentially kicked you out, even if it’s just for one day. That’s excellent grounds, combined with them pressuring you to financially support them, for emancipation so you can move out before you’re 18 and live with friends until graduation or in your own place.” ~ MohawMais
“I feel for your stepsister but NTA, this money is for you and for your future. The responsibility of making your stepsister’s life better is on her parents, not you.” ~ vortexaoth
“NTA. So if anything happens to your stepdad, instead of leaving his daughter an inheritance, he’d be perfectly fine with your mother using that money to support her future spouse/stepchildren?”
“Money is a poor consolation for losing your dad. You have already lost a lot, how dare they try and deprive you of even more, especially because in his absence the only way your dad could realistically help you & secure your future is financially.”
“It is an insult to suggest that the money a parent has left to their only child be taken away to be used for another person’s child.” ~ Last-Butterscotch-68
“As a burns nurse, none of this sounds legit to me. Once the skin is healed you wouldn’t do new skin grafts.”
“There are other treatments like laser to help improve the look of grafts, but why would they create a whole new wound to repair with more grafting?”
“Maybe this is something offered in other countries but I’ve never come across this before.”
“Either way, dont let them guilt you into giving them the money. They are her father and stepmother, so it’s their job to provide for her needs.”
“This money is what your dad provided for you. They are being incredibly manipulative to use the language they have and threats to not include you to try to get your money.” ~ bitofapuzzler
OP has the right to use his money for his needs.
He’s not obligated to use his inheritance to financially support his mother and stepfather.