With the pandemic upending so many planned weddings last year, there are surely all kinds of difficulties faced by countless people rescheduling the big day a year later.
One post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit outlined some of those difficulties.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Enchanting_Bee, had some trouble accommodating a key family member:
“AITA for refusing to change my wedding date so my SO’s father can attend?”
OP began with the harsh, logistical truths that led to this point.
“My SO [31-year-old male] and I [33-year-old female] had our wedding planned for earlier this year. We had to postpone the festivities due to Covid.”
“We DID get married, on our original date, in a virtual ceremony (legal where we live during Covid), with all of our family and friends attending virtually.”
But OP and her SO adjusted.
“In November of last year, prior to postponing, we pushed the date out and notified the important parties of what our new anticipated date was.”
“Due to Covid, all of our contracts had a clause that allowed us to shift the date up to 365 days from the original date without forfeiting our deposits.”
“We opted to move our date to a year later (minus a day), with the intention of renewing our vows and celebrating our marriage with our closest family and friends.”
But then they hit a roadblock.
“About 6 weeks ago we sent out our Save The Dates, excited to get everything back on track.
“Except, my SO’s stepmom flipped out. She has a cruise booked for that same weekend, and she refuses to cancel because she ‘deserves a vacation after dealing with Covid,’ and she got a really good deal on it.”
“(She’s not a frontline employee or anything, she actually was unemployed since March of last year.)”
And the stepmom had a wide reach.
“She told my FIL that if he comes to our wedding, he needs to move out, that she comes before his kids, and threatens to kick him out every time we come up.”
“She told him that he has to come on the cruise with her, or else.”
“She has told us that we are horrible and inconsiderate people for refusing to change the date, and that’s what contracts are for. She told us that she’s never speaking to us again.”
At this point, OP felt like everything was against her.
“If that drama wasn’t enough, she also canceled the contract for our DJ because we found the DJ through her, and my [father-in-law] was going to split the cost with us.”
“So now I’m also out my deposit on the DJ and We have to find a new one.”
“My FIL is the family member that my husband is closest to, along with his sister. He doesn’t get along as well with his mother or brother, and his dad is the most important he wants to attend.”
Despite the drama, OP felt certain about a few things.
“I cannot change the date again without losing all of our money. My SO and I have paid thousands of dollars so far, and we have no wiggle room.”
“My FIL’s wife hasn’t even paid for the cruise yet. I know that he is heartbroken that his father won’t be there, but we don’t have the finances to forfeit all of our deposits.”
“My SO understands and knows our limitations, and he’s more mad at them than me.”
“My FIL’s wife is also the type of person who would find an excuse to not come even if we did change the date (since they have to drive a few hours to get here).”
“So, AITA for refusing to change the date?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors assured OP that she wasn’t being an a**hole. In fact, they were also shocked by the stepmom’s behavior.
“This is some serious entitled BS to put up with. I’d consider suing the MIL for the deposit on the DJ. And why is the DJ accepting the cancelation from the MIL? That is not the person who signed the contract or paid the deposit, from the sound of things.”
“I feel sorry for you, being stuck in the middle of this crap. From what I read, you are in a no-win situation anyways, so I would tell the MIL to pound sand.” — lapsteelguitar
“NTA. In fact, she’s the only inconsiderate person in this story. She hasn’t even paid for this trip yet and therefore she could change the dates if she wanted to.”
“The fact of the matter is she wants to alienate FIL from his kids. Isolating partners from their families is a textbook example of an abusive situation.”
“Nowhere on here did you write out what FIL thinks or what he’s planning to do. Is he really going to disown his kids because of a cruise?” — liluyvene
“NTA Unfortunately you’re future stepMIL is a gigantic one. Personally, if I was the FIL she would be kicked to the curb the moment she said she comes before my children.”
“Sorry you guys are stuck in a bad situation and your SO won’t have their key person available on that day.” — MB1428
Others offered some snarkier takes.
“Losing your deposit on the DJ is the best money you’ll ever spent in your life! I hope for you that she’s keeping her word of never talking to you ever again”
“And as a parting gift i would gift her a box of matches and swimming lessons. Yes i’m that petty.”
“I wish you a beautiful wedding and an even more happy marriage. NTA” — Iwaveatseals
” ‘She told us that she’s never speaking to us again.’ “
“If you change the date to accommodate her, you’d be throwing away this truly fantastic wedding gift. NTA” — punkrockcockblock
If the Reddit commentary is any indication, OP and her SO’s wedding date isn’t going anywhere.
The only question is if OP’s father-in-law goes on that cruise.