Sentimental items are important for reasons that far outweigh money. They keep us connected to important people from our lives, even when they’ve passed, and they keep beautiful memories alive.
Some people refuse to accept the power of sentimental objects and either want to sell them or have them for themselves, side-eyed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” subReddit.
Redditor auroradahlia99 had always been close to her grandmother, and when she passed away, her grandmother left her one of her bracelets, which she remembered her grandmother wearing on countless occasions when they’d been together.
Despite how important it was to her, the Original Poster (OP)’s stepdaughter would not stop asking if she could have it, simply because she thought it was pretty.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not letting my stepdaughter have my late grandmother’s jewelry?”
The OP had a cherished bracelet from her late grandmother.
“My grandmother left me a bracelet when she passed. It’s not super expensive, but it has a lot of sentimental value to me.”
“I wore it at my wedding, and I’ve kept it safe ever since.”
Her stepdaughter had her eye on the piece ever since she first spotted it.
“My stepdaughter (16) saw it in my jewelry box a while back and said it was ‘so pretty.'”
“I told her it belonged to my grandma, and she asked if she could have it when she turns 18.”
“I kind of laughed it off and said, ‘We’ll see.’ That was months ago.”
“Well, last week, she brought it up again, but this time, she told me she already considers it hers.”
“I told her I never said I would give it to her, and it was important to me.”
“She got upset and said I should want to pass it down to her because she’s ‘basically my daughter.'”
“I told her I love her, but this is one of the few things I have left of my grandmother, and I don’t want to give it away.”
The OP was surprised when her husband sided with her stepdaughter.
“She stormed off and later told my husband I was treating her like she wasn’t family, and now he’s on her side too.”
“He says it wouldn’t hurt me to let her have it and that it would mean a lot to her.”
“I told him it means a lot to ME, and I don’t understand why she feels entitled to it.”
“Now they’re both giving me the cold shoulder, and I feel like I’m going crazy.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to hold onto the bracelet and to make other plans for it.
“Even if she was your biological daughter, why would you give it to her when she turns 18? Wouldn’t you wait and leave it to her when you die, just like your grandmother did?” – Thistime232
“Frankly, now I’m hoping OP has a will that calls out the fate of certain belongings and that the bracelet goes to a favorite niece instead of this irritating girl.”
“My other piece of advice would be a safe deposit box. For real, get that out of your house, or either of your ‘housemates’ will pinch it.” – Organized_Khaos
“NTA! This is a family memento. And the first thing you have to do now is hide it, because they will try and steal it from you.”
“Show this to your husband and stepdaughter: Folks, why are you so selfish in your demands that your wife/stepmother give up an item that means a lot to her? It means nothing to you. You are being incredibly entitled and cold-hearted.”
“And OP, sorry you’re stuck with these people. I guess you now know your husband doesn’t think of you as ‘family,’ either.” – stroppo
“OP, you don’t say if you have children of your own who you might want to pass this too. If not, maybe you leave it to her in your will. Or whenever you don’t wear it anymore. Or for her wedding. But your husband can’t be acting this way towards you or she won’t be your stepdaughter anymore and problem solved.” – Equal-Jicama-5989
“This is what I would say to the stepdaughter:”
“‘Sweetie, you are my daughter, and I love you very much, but that doesn’t mean you get to try to force me to give up a family momento from someone you didn’t even know, and then try to manipulate me into it when you found out it wasn’t working.'”
“‘I will be very happy to pass it down to you, when I am finished using it. That will likely not be until you are much, much older than 18, because it’s a very important thing my grandmother left me, and I miss her and love her very much.'”
“‘Don’t be a greedy a**hole, and also don’t manipulate people to get your way, because that makes you a double a**hole. Now, please go away, I’m going to need some time before I can forgive you for the way you acted, and to be honest, I don’t like you very much at the moment.'”
“Feel free to edit it to make it nicer. NTA.” – funkylittledeathomen
Others didn’t understand the pressure the stepdaughter and dad were putting on 18.
“Why would you gift it?! Even if you do consider her your daughter. You’re not on your deathbed yet.”
“Seriously. My parents between them have some treasured sentimental items that I also have some attachment to.”
“I am their actual literal child and I have never asked for anything unless they specifically asked ME while they were doing will stuff.”
“My father died last month. As far as I know their wills left everything to each other and only involve other people when they’re both gone, so I still haven’t touched the subject with my mother. She recently gave me one of those items anyway.”
“(It’s a very fancy 1968 edition of Lord of the Rings that belonged to my dad.) It is now precious to me.” – Emergency-Twist7136
“Please hide the bracelet. We’ve seen too many posts where someone stole jewelry from a family member here. Also, the SD wants it because it’s ‘pretty:’ it has ZERO meaning to her and couldn’t care less that the OP’s grandmother gave it to her.”
“I will say the OP should’ve immediately shut her down and said, ‘This is the only piece of jewelry I have from my grandmother, and I wouldn’t part with it for the world.'”
“Her husband is now the problem. Who do these spouses think they are demanding their new spouse just give into demands from their kids. UGH!” – TaylorMade2566
“You can’t be serious, OP!? The entitlement of step daughter ( brat) and husband are unacceptable. I’d put all my heirlooms/jewelry/money in a safe since neither can be trusted. And then plan my permanent exit. Sleep with one eye open.” – 60moonchild
“Giving the stepdaughter total benefit of the doubt, it is completely possible she’s genuinely jumping to conclusions about why OP is not wanting to give her the bracelet.”
“That said, even IF she really believes what she said and she’s not trying to be manipulative, she’s WRONG. Her dad needs to listen and hear OP’s aside of things, and if he doesn’t set his daughter straight that she’s wrong about OP’s motivations and that OP is totally allowed to decide to keep something that literally belongs to her, then he doesn’t trust and support OP enough to have a good partnership, to be honest.”
“This isn’t even choosing between daughter and partner, in which case it makes sense to prioritize the daughter. This is just choosing between listening to both parties and being logical versus completely disregarding his partner and assuming the worst of her and disrespecting her right to her own belongings.” – Puzzled_Medium7041
“You don’t have to have a motive to say NO to giving away something that belongs to you. It’s OPs bracelet and she is allowed to keep it without some a**hole and his brat trying to pressure her into giving it away. The inability to take NO for an answer would be a deal breaker for me.” – Competitive-Use1360
The subReddit was deeply alarmed not just by the stepdaughter’s insistence about having the bracelet, but also her insistence about having the bracelet at the age of 18 rather than at the end of the OP’s life, and also the OP’s husband’s encouragement of these poor behaviors.
The most reasonable route was for the OP to save the bracelet for her stepdaughter and to give it to her at the end of her life, just like her grandmother had done. But that would only remain an option if the stepdaughter changed her attitude about this and saw the worth in the bracelet, rather than just wanting the next pretty thing for herself.
Unfortunately, the way that she was blaming the OP for the whole situation, she didn’t seem like the type of person to change her ways and apologize. Maybe the OP had a nice niece she could gift the bracelet to instead, at the end of her life, that is.