Sentimental items are important for reasons that far outweigh money. They keep us connected to important people from our lives, even when they've passed, and they keep beautiful memories alive.
Some people refuse to accept the power of sentimental objects and either want to sell them or have them for themselves, side-eyed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" subReddit.
Redditor auroradahlia99 had always been close to her grandmother, and when she passed away, her grandmother left her one of her bracelets, which she remembered her grandmother wearing on countless occasions when they'd been together.
Despite how important it was to her, the Original Poster (OP)'s stepdaughter would not stop asking if she could have it, simply because she thought it was pretty.
She asked the sub:
"AITAH for not letting my stepdaughter have my late grandmother's jewelry?"
The OP had a cherished bracelet from her late grandmother.
"My grandmother left me a bracelet when she passed. It's not super expensive, but it has a lot of sentimental value to me."
"I wore it at my wedding, and I've kept it safe ever since."
Her stepdaughter had her eye on the piece ever since she first spotted it.
"My stepdaughter (16) saw it in my jewelry box a while back and said it was 'so pretty.'"
"I told her it belonged to my grandma, and she asked if she could have it when she turns 18."
"I kind of laughed it off and said, 'We'll see.' That was months ago."
"Well, last week, she brought it up again, but this time, she told me she already considers it hers."
"I told her I never said I would give it to her, and it was important to me."
"She got upset and said I should want to pass it down to her because she's 'basically my daughter.'"
"I told her I love her, but this is one of the few things I have left of my grandmother, and I don't want to give it away."
The OP was surprised when her husband sided with her stepdaughter.
"She stormed off and later told my husband I was treating her like she wasn't family, and now he's on her side too."
"He says it wouldn't hurt me to let her have it and that it would mean a lot to her."
"I told him it means a lot to ME, and I don't understand why she feels entitled to it."
"Now they're both giving me the cold shoulder, and I feel like I'm going crazy."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to hold onto the bracelet and to make other plans for it.
"Even if she was your biological daughter, why would you give it to her when she turns 18? Wouldn't you wait and leave it to her when you die, just like your grandmother did?" - Thistime232
"Frankly, now I'm hoping OP has a will that calls out the fate of certain belongings and that the bracelet goes to a favorite niece instead of this irritating girl."
"My other piece of advice would be a safe deposit box. For real, get that out of your house, or either of your 'housemates' will pinch it." - Organized_Khaos
"NTA! This is a family memento. And the first thing you have to do now is hide it, because they will try and steal it from you."
"Show this to your husband and stepdaughter: Folks, why are you so selfish in your demands that your wife/stepmother give up an item that means a lot to her? It means nothing to you. You are being incredibly entitled and cold-hearted."
"And OP, sorry you're stuck with these people. I guess you now know your husband doesn't think of you as 'family,' either." - stroppo
"OP, you don't say if you have children of your own who you might want to pass this too. If not, maybe you leave it to her in your will. Or whenever you don't wear it anymore. Or for her wedding. But your husband can't be acting this way towards you or she won't be your stepdaughter anymore and problem solved." - Equal-Jicama-5989
"This is what I would say to the stepdaughter:"
"'Sweetie, you are my daughter, and I love you very much, but that doesn't mean you get to try to force me to give up a family momento from someone you didn't even know, and then try to manipulate me into it when you found out it wasn't working.'"
"'I will be very happy to pass it down to you, when I am finished using it. That will likely not be until you are much, much older than 18, because it's a very important thing my grandmother left me, and I miss her and love her very much.'"
"'Don't be a greedy a**hole, and also don't manipulate people to get your way, because that makes you a double a**hole. Now, please go away, I'm going to need some time before I can forgive you for the way you acted, and to be honest, I don't like you very much at the moment.'"
"Feel free to edit it to make it nicer. NTA." - funkylittledeathomen
Others didn't understand the pressure the stepdaughter and dad were putting on 18.
"Why would you gift it?! Even if you do consider her your daughter. You're not on your deathbed yet."
"Seriously. My parents between them have some treasured sentimental items that I also have some attachment to."
"I am their actual literal child and I have never asked for anything unless they specifically asked ME while they were doing will stuff."
"My father died last month. As far as I know their wills left everything to each other and only involve other people when they're both gone, so I still haven't touched the subject with my mother. She recently gave me one of those items anyway."
"(It's a very fancy 1968 edition of Lord of the Rings that belonged to my dad.) It is now precious to me." - Emergency-Twist7136
"Please hide the bracelet. We've seen too many posts where someone stole jewelry from a family member here. Also, the SD wants it because it's 'pretty:' it has ZERO meaning to her and couldn't care less that the OP's grandmother gave it to her."
"I will say the OP should've immediately shut her down and said, 'This is the only piece of jewelry I have from my grandmother, and I wouldn't part with it for the world.'"
"Her husband is now the problem. Who do these spouses think they are demanding their new spouse just give into demands from their kids. UGH!" - TaylorMade2566
"You can't be serious, OP!? The entitlement of step daughter ( brat) and husband are unacceptable. I'd put all my heirlooms/jewelry/money in a safe since neither can be trusted. And then plan my permanent exit. Sleep with one eye open." - 60moonchild
"Giving the stepdaughter total benefit of the doubt, it is completely possible she's genuinely jumping to conclusions about why OP is not wanting to give her the bracelet."
"That said, even IF she really believes what she said and she's not trying to be manipulative, she's WRONG. Her dad needs to listen and hear OP's aside of things, and if he doesn't set his daughter straight that she's wrong about OP's motivations and that OP is totally allowed to decide to keep something that literally belongs to her, then he doesn't trust and support OP enough to have a good partnership, to be honest."
"This isn't even choosing between daughter and partner, in which case it makes sense to prioritize the daughter. This is just choosing between listening to both parties and being logical versus completely disregarding his partner and assuming the worst of her and disrespecting her right to her own belongings." - Puzzled_Medium7041
"You don't have to have a motive to say NO to giving away something that belongs to you. It's OPs bracelet and she is allowed to keep it without some a**hole and his brat trying to pressure her into giving it away. The inability to take NO for an answer would be a deal breaker for me." - Competitive-Use1360
The subReddit was deeply alarmed not just by the stepdaughter's insistence about having the bracelet, but also her insistence about having the bracelet at the age of 18 rather than at the end of the OP's life, and also the OP's husband's encouragement of these poor behaviors.
The most reasonable route was for the OP to save the bracelet for her stepdaughter and to give it to her at the end of her life, just like her grandmother had done. But that would only remain an option if the stepdaughter changed her attitude about this and saw the worth in the bracelet, rather than just wanting the next pretty thing for herself.
Unfortunately, the way that she was blaming the OP for the whole situation, she didn't seem like the type of person to change her ways and apologize. Maybe the OP had a nice niece she could gift the bracelet to instead, at the end of her life, that is.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp