Redditor Puzzled-Medicine-641 recently found themselves stuck between a rock and a hard place.
The Original Poster (OP) was asked by her stepmother to share her college fund with her step-siblings.
This fund was specifically set aside by the OP’s late mother before her passing.
This request drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for Refusing to Share My College Fund with Step-Siblings?”
She went on to explain:
“Throwaway so they don’t find this post.”
“I [19-year-old Female] recently found out that my stepmom [40-year-old Female] wants me to split my college fund with my step-siblings [17-year-old Male and 15-year-old Female].”
“My bio mom set up the fund for me before she passed away, and it was meant for my education.”
“I love my family, and they are important to me, but I’ve been saving every penny and working part-time to contribute.”
“My step-siblings have their own funds set up by their bio dad and I never expected to share mine.”
“My stepmom insists it’s about being a ‘blended family’ and treating everyone equally.”
“I’m torn because I want to be fair and don’t want to start drama in my family but I feel like this fund is my lifeline for college.”
“AITA if I stand my ground and keep the money for myself?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“Your college fund is yours alone, but, just out of curiosity, where is your father in this?”
“He should have warned your step-mother that her request was highly inappropriate – not leave to fend off her guilt-tripping on your own.” – Ok_Bookkeeper_3481
“NTA Your mother started that fund for you. Your stepmother did not contribute a dime to it. The money is to be used for your education.”
“Your stepmother can go touch grass with her blended family crap.”
“‘My stepmom insists it’s about being a ‘blended family’ and treating everyone equally.”
“Her children meant nothing to your mother. Honor your mother’s memory and use those funds as she intended for your education.” – Heloise_Morris
“NTA”
“Ask her what proportion of the money her kids are saving now will go to your education.”
“You’ve got college expenses now. They don’t for a few years. You taking on debt, now, when they might get scholarships or grants and not need your money, makes no sense.”
“But do try to save the money your mother saved for you. Get scholarships and grants if you can. A nest egg when you graduate will be welcome.”
“Also differentiate between money your mother saved, money you saved, money their bio-dad saved, and money they saved.”
“Do you get a proportion of what they and their bio-dad saved, in return for them getting a proportion of what you and your mom saved?” – Jazzlike_Humor3340
“NTA”
“Your stepmother has no right to tell you how to spend that money. It’s from your mother, and stepmothers opinion is of no concern to this.”
“I bet she didn’t expect her bio children to split theirs with you.”
“Don’t do it.” – HeirOfRavenclaw
“NTA.”
“Your stepmother is being selfish–or at least entitled. If her kids already have college funds set up for them, then there’s no reason why she should be going after yours.”
“Even if they didn’t have the funds, you’re not obligated to share yours with them. College is hella expensive; you’re probably going to need everything you were given.”
“And I wonder how eager your stepmother would be to share her kids’ college funds if they had them and you didn’t.” – WolfGoddess77
“NTA. You’re an adult and legally can’t be made to share that money. Don’t do it.”
“She could care less about you feeling like a true blended family and cares more about how much money wouldn’t have to come out of her pocket for her bio kids college.”
“She would never do the reverse for you if you’d had no fund in place.”
“Your mom put that money aside for YOU. She’d want you to keep it for you. Keep your money and work hard and get a college degree to get you further in life.”
“You’ve got this!” – Equivalent_Juice2395
“NTA, this is what your mom left for you. She wanted you to have money for education and you’ve built it up further.”
“You have no obligation to share and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it because it’s yours!”
“It’s admirable that you are even questioning this.”
“I’m a mother and the fact you’ve talked about loving your family and wondering if you’re doing the right thing makes me certain your mom would be super proud of you.” – whatsername235
“NTA”
“How dare she! I am livid on your behalf.”
“Your dead mother set you up with a college fund – and she wants you to share it with your step-siblings because of fairness?!??”
“The only conceivable way that would be fair would be if stepmom or her former partner died and your step-siblings shared their funds with you.”
“I don’t know which is worse – your stepmother’s entitlement, her utter lack of respect for the memory of your mother, or her heartlessness towards you.”
“Hard no.”
“Are your mother’s parents still alive? Or anyone from that side of your family still in your life?”
“Because I’m thinking they would be the right people to righteously read your stepmother the riot act.”
“Take care of yourself. The family you live with, it seems, will not.” – Some-Selection1811
“Ask step-mom if you will be receiving an equal share of your step siblings’ funds or if only her kids get to rob college accounts?”
“If her kids don’t have to share the money from the parent outside the marriage, then why should you? Their money is from their dad. Yours is from your mom.”
“All things are fair as they are. NTA” – StacyB125
“NTA – Don’t even give it a second thought. Your birth mom started this for you so you will remember her the rest of your life, what she sacrificed for you to get here.”
“Share nothing and become the BEST person you can be… Go to the ends of the earth.” – Beneficial-Nimitz68
“NTA.”
“All the parents involved had the same opportunity to provide for their kids. The opportunity was equal.”
“Your mom isn’t here to defend you and make sure that you get the fund that is yours. She meant this for you, not for other kids that might live in your home.”
“It would most certainly not be fair for your money, from her and your own work, to be taken for other people’s kids.”
“That’s not blending a family, it’s taking something from your mother, meant for you, provided for you, and handing it to someone else. That’s not blending, it’s theft.”
“When you blend a family, you respect the differences, you don’t try to erase them. When you blend a family, you don’t erase the past, the history, the other people involved.”
“That’s disrespectful to your mother, to pretend what she intended for you should be taken away from you. Very wrong.”
“NTA. I hope your stepmother apologizes for even suggesting this because it’s very not right of her.” – blueberryyogurtcup
“NTA. Effff that. Your late mother did not set aside her money so that future unrelated children could share in her daughter’s college fund.”
“It’s up to your step mom to have saved. Oh wait, she didn’t for whatever reason… but your college fund is not the saviour.”
“Do you get to pick from your stepmom’s prized jewelry and wardrobe, so that’s fair too?”
“Blended family be d*mned.” – Snackinpengui
The OP went on to post an edit:
“EDIT: Thank you for your kind responses, although I think a lot of people are assuming things about my stepmother and dad.”
“She has been in my family for about four years now and has been almost like a second mom to me the whole time.”
“(although obviously, she won’t ever replace my bio mom) I genuinely don’t think that she has any malicious intent.”
“I will be talking with her and my dad about it tomorrow to tell them I definitely don’t want to share the fund. I will put the update on my profile so as not to flood this sub.”
The OP then went on to update everyone:
“I talked to my stepmother and father this morning. Both my dad and my stepmother understood my point of view and said that if I don’t want to I don’t have to share.”
“It turns out that my stepsiblings bio father has been pressuring my stepmother and father into sharing the college fund…”
“…as he is not as well off as my mom was or as my dad currently is and so doesn’t have the money to contribute as much.”
“I think I will try to compromise with him: after all, I do have a lot in my college fund and I currently am on a partial scholarship.”
“However, I am interested in pursuing a master’s degree and possibly even a doctorate, but if I can get on scholarship for my master’s, I am willing to share the leftover funds with my siblings.”
“I hope he will accept this.”
Glad they could come to a resolution.