We’ve all been taught at some point that it is in poor taste to draw attention away from a big event with the announcement of another big event.
That’s why proposals at weddings are considered to be so tacky, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
And one Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was certain that her sister intentionally and maliciously took over her engagement party with her pregnancy announcement.
But when everyone started saying she was a jealous bridezilla, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was somehow wrong for wanting her engagement to be about her and her future husband.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for getting mad at my stepsister for revealing her pregnancy during my engagement party, even though she ‘didn’t mean to’?”
The OP didn’t get along well with her stepsister, Taylor.
“I have a stepsister ‘Taylor’ who is 2 years older than me. We were 12 and 14 when our parents married, and Taylor hated my mom and me from day 1.”
“She can be a mean girl, and she definitely thinks she is better than everyone. She was also jealous and possessive of her dad.”
“I wasn’t thrilled about the new blended family, but I wanted my mom to be happy. Taylor was nothing but rude to my mom.”
The OP hoped things would be different at her engagement party.
“Growing up, I always felt like I was in her shadow. I recently got engaged and my mom and stepdad threw me a beautiful engagement party.”
“Taylor was there with her husband, and a couple of people were making jokes about how she will probably try to wear white to the wedding.”
“My stepdad made a joke about how he doesn’t care if she is his daughter, he is going to pay multiple people to be there with red paint water balloons because Taylor doesn’t get to get away with her s**t at the wedding.”
“The people teasing her in the beginning were closer to her than me, and that group always teases each other.”
“She is very proud of her flaws, and her husband has openly said he likes b***hy and difficult women and thinks it is cute.”
“I do think what her dad said hurt her, but she was not being bullied.”
Taylor then had a surprising reaction.
“Suddenly Taylor began crying, which is so out of character that everyone was shocked.”
“She said she was just p**sed at her dad for picking me over her, but her husband was trying so hard not to smile.”
“Taylor told us all to shut up and not look at her, because she can’t help it.”
“My stepdad was trying to explain that she needs to learn a lesson, but he still loves her.”
“Taylor finally blurted out that it isn’t that serious, but she is pregnant and she just has been crying about everything.”
The OP was furious.
“I was in shock that she would say that. Her grandmother heard and made a big deal of it to everyone, so by the end of the night, everyone had congratulated her.”
“My mom was telling my stepdad how awful Taylor was for doing that and he said she didn’t mean to.”
“I replied that no one interrogated her, so she is still accountable for her actions.”
“Taylor’s husband was a bit tipsy at this point (doing celebratory shots like this party was to celebrate his baby) and called us a**holes and jealous.”
“I said that she has no manners because deep down, she is an insecure little girl.”
“Her husband was p**sed.”
“My mom told my stepdad that we don’t want her at any more of my events, and he got upset and felt we were too hard on her.”
“Now people are calling me jealous and a bridezilla.”
The OP also clarified several points in the comments.
The OP further explained about the family mocking her stepsister.
“The people mocking her were closer to her than me. Even her husband made a joke about her wearing white.”
“Taylor is the type of person who says she is proud of her b***hiness, and her husband seems to like it, so they were mocking her, but not even in a mean way.”
“She is very sarcastic with people she likes, so that was a normal conversation for them.”
The OP didn’t think Taylor was faking about being pregnant but that she had horrible timing.
“I have no doubt she is pregnant. There is no way she would cry if she wasn’t.”
“She desperately wants us to believe she can’t feel anything, to the point she can’t even be honest about being in physical pain, and when she is upset, she just laughs.”
“She could have made any excuse outside of being pregnant, though.”
The OP also clarified that she didn’t want to go no-contact with her stepdad.
“I have no desire to go no contact with my stepdad. That is such a nuclear option when he is doing his best, and I do believe her crying was real.”
“She would never ever do the thing she hates the most, be vulnerable, if she could help it.”
“I have seen way worse things than this happen to her, and she always laughs and smiles and wants us to know she doesn’t care.”
“This is the only time I have ever seen her cry after knowing her for over a decade, and there have definitely been times she was trying to manipulate everyone, but even then couldn’t bring herself to do tears.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought Taylor was simply stealing attention away from the OP.
“It sounds like stepsis is the type of person who would probably walk around with a huge banner on during the wedding proclaiming, ‘I AM PREGNANT, ASK ME ABOUT MY PREGNANCY’ while complaining about how she can’t do as much because her pregnant belly.”
“Or if she has had the child, I can see her holding the kid above her head like it’s Simba and she’s Rafiki during the ceremony and reception.”
“Then she’ll have a banner going, ‘I HAVE A BABY, ASK ME ABOUT MY BABY, ISN’T MY BABY GREAT, THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE… for my stepsister’s wedding.'”
“Either way, $20 in hypothetical money says she tries to have some sort of spotlight dance or do something to make herself the center of attention.” – SquirrelGirlVA
“Having been pregnant five times I’m sorry, but sometimes you literally just can’t help bursting into tears.”
“That being said, it’s not like you can’t feel it coming on. So she 100% could have excused herself until she got it together, and she is definitely an AH for announcing her pregnancy to everyone at the sisters engagement.” – Disastrous-Virus-486
“NTA, she did it on purpose to hijack the party since it seems it wasn’t about her. The way her husband was smiling meant they planned ahead of time to do it.” – whitewer
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she wasn’t even pregnant.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if during the next bridal event she ‘suddenly has/just had’ a miscarriage.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s now actively trying to get pregnant with a due date around the same date as your wedding.”
“Her jealousy is exhausting. Explain to your mom that since you and her were never close, of course stepsis is not part of the wedding, and of course stepsis won’t be invited. Ensure your mom understands.”
“Then you and fiance go about your business without stepsister in your world. If stepdad or stepfamily question this, keep repeating that the two of you have never been close, and her nasty jealous behavior over the years have made it clear that she will not be part of your life going forward.” – oldaccount
“If she can’t even be honest about being in pain, how do you know she can be honest with not being in pain?”
“Everything about her is an act, yes, even. the. crying. She’s set it up such that she’s so ‘stoic’ by trying to make everyone believe, using your words, ‘she can’t feel any thing’ that when she does show some sense of emotion, it’s that much more of a Big Deal and everyone around her draws the natural conclusion that her crying MUST be real because she’s not normally like this.”
“Don’t fall for that b.s. OP. She was faking the crying for the attention.”
“Go no contact with her AND your stepdad AND his family. They don’t deserve to be in your personal sphere.”
“NTA.” – hdmx539
Others agreed and suggested not inviting her to the wedding or going no-contact.
“NTA. Don’t invite Taylor or her husband to your wedding. Don’t let her steal your big day from you again. You know the saying; fool me once…” – Nyankitty666
“Go NC (no-contact) and don’t invite her to the wedding and get ask some of your or your fiance’s strongest friends yo act as bouncer if she or her husband shows up at the wedding. (Alternately hire an actual bouncer who will kick her out if she appears.)” – SnooDrawings1480
“She sounds like a peach.”
“I’d definitely ban her from all of your future events, because she will find away each time to high jack the attention all on her. But your step-dad will probably always choose her events over yours unfortunately.” – Emmiburr
“NTA. While everyone was making good natured jokes about her habit of trying to overshadow others, she made it clear that she intended to do just that and was upset that she couldn’t get away with it.”
“As soon as people attitudes turned towards sympathy for her she saw her opening to do what she always does and announced her pregnancy.”
“OP, just calmly cut her out. Don’t say she is ‘uninvited’ from the wedding, or you are trying to punish her. Others, her dad in particular, will see that as something that can be ‘fixed.'”
“Just say, ‘We have never been close, I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt more times than I can count at this point in order to keep the peace for all of you, but I’m done. I’m not comfortable around her, I don’t trust her behavior, and I don’t want to spend my wedding day anxious about what might happen. At best, our relationship has been that of acquaintances when she hasn’t been outright antagonistic, and that isn’t someone I want at a major event in my life.'” – TogarSucks
“OP honey, you are sacrificing YOUR peace right now to keep the peace for your family.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“Either way someone ‘suffers,’ why does that someone need to be you? You’ve given her enough chances, choose to prioritize yourself from now on. Things will only get worse, especially with her golden child baby around the corner now.” – Personal_Regular_569
But some thought there was more at play than Taylor making a scene.
“Seriously. The OP sounds like they might actually be the s**tty one here, and hiding behind the veil of being ~the nice one~. At best, ESH.” – papercrash
“Sheesh, ESH, and it took a bit of scrolling to see others saying it too. I cried over White Castle cheeseburgers when I was pregnant.”
“They were teasing her, she started crying (which OP even said was out of character), she blamed it on being pregnant. You don’t think my husband tried to hide his laughter when I was in tears over those d**n cheeseburgers? Pregnancy hormones suck.” – MarLuella
“This sounds like an awful situation. Her father joined in with other people to pick on her about a made up scenario, made her cry, and instead of just dropping the subject, especially after basically being told to leave her alone, they just… kept doing it?”
“What lesson is being taught here? I really want to say the a**hole here is your stepfather because this lifelong insecurity about having lost her father’s affection has to come from somewhere.” – jobrummy
“I know people like this, who are terrified of emotions and showing them in front of people. Doesn’t excuse shitty behaviour towards others, but she seems like someone who really could use therapy.”
“I don’t think you’re the AH for being upset with her reveal, especially given the context that you’ve been mistreated by her in the past. But if what you’re saying is accurate, I think she’s probably really freaked out and bothered by suddenly not being able to hide her emotions, and likely panicked when everyone was staring at her.”
“Most people know that pregnancy hormones can cause bigger emotional responses so it’s her saying ‘it’s not me, it’s the pregnancy!’ I’m not sure it would have been easy to come up with another excuse that would tell people ‘I’m still not someone who normally cries’.”
“It also could have been a way for her to shift the attention off of her crying and onto something else. Which was s**tty and not appropriate given the setting, but not necessarily malicious. I don’t know if this makes her not an a**hole, but maybe less of an a**hole in this specific situation?” – distractonaut
“Honestly, there’s an alternate story here where Taylor was teased about something she hadn’t even done until she (uncharacteristically) started to cry, then felt embarrassed that everyone was staring at her for crying, and then blurted out something she wasn’t intending to share because she didn’t want everyone to think that she was the sort of person to cry.”
“I feel really uncomfortable calling Taylor the a**hole when she wasn’t the one who instigated things here.” – snorkellingfish
While everyone could agree that drawing attention away from the engagement with a pregnancy announcement was in poor form, the subReddit was more divided on who was actually at fault.
Taylor seemed like the obvious choice, given her history of stealing attention, but given the OP’s quick and harsh reaction, there may have been a greater complexity to this relationship than the OP was willing to let on.