Redditor Ok-Course-5710 is dating a father of two girls.
The Original Poster (OP) is understandably protective of her boyfriend, so when she found out one of his daughter’s called her stepfather “dad,” trouble ensued.
The OP sat the girl down, establishing the rule she cannot call her stepdad “dad.”
However the mom of the kids did not like the OP’s actions, driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA For setting boundaries with my boyfriend’s daughter?”
She went on to explain:
“I [39-year-old female] have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years, and I’ve known his children for about 6 months. He has 2 daughters with his ex-wife who are 16 and 10.”
“Their mother is married and they both seem very close to their stepdad, which I’m happy for them for.”
“However as I’ve gotten to know them it’s become really obvious that they view him as more of a parental figure than me and even their actual father at times.”
“Their stepdad has been in their life for years so I never expected to be treated the same as him, I knew going in they wouldn’t. But calling him dad undermines their father’s role in their life.”
“That’s why it bothered me.”
“They call both of them—my boyfriend and their stepfather—dad.”
“His older daughter even took her driving test in her stepdads’s car”
“They both call their stepfather dad, and while they both seem to respect and appreciate him more, his older daughter is over-the-top with it.”
“Eventually I asked both of them to stop calling him dad (to their credit, they did both seem like they were trying not to in front of my boyfriend) and for a few weeks everything seemed fine.”
“However I found out later from his younger daughter that his older daughter still does it when we aren’t around.”
“The next time I saw her was about 2 weeks ago, and I sat her down to talk to her about it, which she didn’t want to but I was firm.”
“I told him that if she was old enough to drive, she was old enough to understand that the household rules apply even outside of the house.”
“She just rolled her eyes at me and told me to mind my business.”
“I was frustrated but didn’t think it was that big of a deal. My boyfriend told me that he agrees with me, but I should have let it go and I told him that wouldn’t teach her anything.”
“It was actually her mother who was the most upset about it.”
“She called me after my boyfriend dropped his daughters off at her house the next day and told me that I had no business telling her daughter what to call her husband and that I was way out of line.”
“She went on and on about how if I actually cared about them, I’d be happy that they have a father figure since my boyfriend ‘wasn’t going to do it’.”
“I told her that was enough and that my boyfriend was a good father and she hung up.”
“His older daughter isn’t speaking to either of us now and skipped their last visit with us.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“People can have more than one dad and some people have none. So calling the man who actually parents this child ‘Dad’ should only bother your boyfriend if he’s insecure and/or guilty because he hasn’t been a dad to his kids.”
“You’re no one in this 16-year-old’s life. She only met you 6 months ago and you’re probably just the latest girlfriend of her father from her perspective. You have no business telling her to do anything after not being around for the first 15 1/2 years of her life. You’re not her stepmother.”
“And in a two household situation, no, the rules of her father’s latest bed buddy don’t supercede anything nor do they apply anytime they’re outside your physical domicile.”
“But great job at damaging your boyfriend’s relationship with his kids and ex and destroying any chance you had of a good relationship with either.” ~ LakotaGrl
“You have to be f*cking kidding me here.”
“YTA in every way possible.”
“You have no authority to think you get to tell another persons children who they can and can not call ‘dad’. You don’t get to police their relationships.”
“You’re just bitter they view their stepfather as a parental figure and they don’t do the same for you. Perhaps it’s because you’re terrible?”
‘Household rules apply even outside the house’
“hahahaha f*ck. You made this ‘rule’ but it’s based on your own insecurity and you have no right to think this ‘rule’ you’ve established has any merit and must be enforced.”
“It’s laughable that you think you have any amount of authority in this matter. You are a third party standing by the sidelines.”
“All you’ve done is ensure they don’t respect you, will never view you as a parent, and have shown you are unfit to act as one for them.”
“F*ck, wake up lady. You’ve only done damage here.”
“Some f*cking stranger enters their lives and six months later she’s telling them how to view their stepfather who they have an actual relationship with…”
“…and you think that’s reasonable.” – BulbasaurRanch
“YTA.”
“Who the hell do you think you are ?” – Primary-Criticism929
“YTA. It’s up to the children what they call their stepfather. Not you, not your boyfriend, not their mother.”
“Frankly? Their mother did the right thing by defending her daughter’s right to call the stepfather ‘dad’ if she wants to.”
“Fact is? When it comes to a ‘blended’ family? Everyone should have the children’s best interests at heart and if they feel comfortable with calling their step-father ‘dad’? So be it.”
“You and your boyfriend seem to see it as a slight against him instead of celebrating that those children are lucky enough to have two people they see as ‘dad’ in their life.” – lynfaix
“YTA”
“You have known these girls for 6 months. It is so far beyond your business to dictate what they can and cannot call their stepfather. You expect to be treated the same as him? They don’t know you!”
“It’s a beautiful thing they have this man they can look up to and who loves them. It’s a bonus Dad. They obviously have your BF too, so they are flush with good father figures.”
“You sound almost jealous of how they feel about the stepfather.”
“This isn’t any of your business. YTA.” – vegetable-trainer23
“So you tried to parent the two kids you only know for 6 months and it blow up in your hands. You’ll probably won’t see oldest much and probably never if she can help it.”
“Even your partner -you know their real parent- told you to stop it. “
“As for good father comment, if he was a good father he would not let his partner who only knows his kids for 6 months try to parent them and would break up over this.”
“So yes, I agree with his ex and I hope they started to talk to a lawyer.”
“YTA “ – professionaldrama-
“YTA. You are their father’s girlfriend, you had no authority to step into their personal lives, especially without their father’s permission.”
“You especially have no right to be establishing rules for how they live their lives in their mother’s household.”
“You need to think about the implications of this: if ‘household rules apply outside the house’ this means that the kids’ mother and stepfather can establish rules that apply in their father’s house…”
“…any time they want by making a rule for their own home. Do you really want to go down that road?”
“In the end, the daughter was right to tell you to mind your own business, because your meddling has the potential to cause a real mess for this whole family.”
“And you need to realize that you laying down the law like this is only going to alienate the girls against their father.”
“So, when the girls go LC or NC with their father, just look in the mirror when you want to know why.” – bamf1701
“YTA. This is none of your business and you have no place telling them how they can or cannot refer to people.”
“They live the majority of the time with the man they call Dad while they visit your husband. They know how they feel and you don’t get to change that.”
“Would you be having this much of an issue if they called you mom?” – Less_Jello_2489
“This is one of those posts that’s so obtuse I can’t believe it’s real.”
“YTA. What the kids call their stepdad is none of your business. Maybe take a look at the reason they call him and not their birth father ‘dad.’
“And your made-up rule applies when they’re not in your house? GET. BENT.”
“Anyway, if you think your arguments and attitude are legit I don’t think there’s anything that can help you, at least not without serious self reflection.”
“ETA: You suck, even if it makes me the AH, too.” – evadhud
“‘household rules apply even outside of the house.'”
“A) Since when do rules at one parent’s house automatically apply at the other parent’s house without consulting the other parent?”
“B) In what world does knowing these children 6 months give you the authority to decide who they call dad?”
“C) You are driving a big ol’ wedge between you and these girls AND between them and their father. If you really care about his relationship with them, you will back the F off.”
“…the audacity biggest eye roll ever“ – Living-Highlight7777
“YTA for sure. I think the way you’re looking at this entire situation is very skewed and immature.. you should both be so happy that his kids have multiple parental figures and good ones at that.”
“Do you know how many kids dont have any? Or any that care? You’re trying to deprive your step kids for what?.. this whole situation is crazy to me.”
“Be happy that the kiddos have a large support system and stop acting like a child.” – BoysenberryOk4699
Reddit seemed to have huge issues with how the OP handled this situation and gave a firm YTA rating.
Knowing your boundaries is an important lesson.
Let us know what you think in the comments.