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Teen Balks After Dad Demands She Bail On Nanny Duties To Take A Surprise Family Vacation

A young woman pushes a little girl in a swing
SDI Productions/Getty Images

Making plans with more than one other person at a time can be a nightmare.

Everyone is always busy.

That’s while the further in advance, the better.

And just because one is planning with family doesn’t automatically make it easier

Case in point…

Redditor happy_watermelon7228 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for asking my daughter to cancel a work commitment?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I am a proud father of three (24 F[emale], 18 M[ale] and 16 F).”

“I planned for everyone in the family to go out of town as a surprise, especially because things have been tough on us lately.

“I called my oldest daughter, Emma and she said she couldn’t make it because she had to babysit that weekend.”

“Emma is a professional nanny and she now works full-time for a family of two moms with two kids.”

“I asked her if she could please cancel the weekend and spend the day with us.”

“But she said that she had promised the family she’d care for their kids and that they were going out of town for a getaway without kids.”

“I’m kind of sad because they’re very understanding, and Emma could cancel and they’d be okay, but she doesn’t want to.”

“She’d rather give them a vacation than spend time with us, and I told her this.”

“She said she loved her job, and I was being an AH for pushing this.”

The OP was left to wonder…

“Does it make me an AH to want to spend time with my daughter?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“YTA. I get the appeal of a surprise, but your daughter is an adult with a job, and you won’t expect her to skip it at a drop of a hat.”

“If you want her to join family trips, you need to let her know in advance so she can get the time off work in advance.” ~ morgaine125

“Her commitment is more impactful than a shift at a store or something.”

“If she cancels last minute, the parents have to scramble for other arrangements or cancel a trip.”

“The costs involved with flights, rental cars, and hotels are significant, and they may have arranged for time off from their jobs too.”

“It also doesn’t sit well with me that he’s asking if he’s the a**hole for ‘wanting to spend time with his daughter’ when what he’s really doing is showing a staggering amount of entitlement and self-centeredness.”

“And expecting his daughter to drop everything and risk her job to do what he wants, which will also seriously impact the lives of an entire family he doesn’t even know.”

“The way he explained the situation, the complete lack of consideration for anyone who isn’t him, the insistence on talking her out of a very reasonable boundary, and the manipulation in his framing of the question give me really bad vibes.” ~ Nosfermarki

“Hell, even my non-work commitments are important to me.”

“My dad was particularly bad about communicating plans.”

“I’d get a last-minute invite to something for the family, but I’d refuse to bail on plans with friends.”

“It only took a few times of me missing for me to get advanced notice about plans.”

“To miss work, I’d absolutely need at least a month to schedule time off.” ~ curmevexas

“‘She’d rather give them a vacation than spend time with us and I told her this.'”

“That statement is manipulative crap.”

“She is an adult with a job and has commitments.”

“YTA, and if you continue with this manipulative crap, she won’t want to spend time with you… period.”

“Also, you don’t make plans for an adult and then tell them after that they are going.”

“She is not 16.” ~ Eliza-Day

“YTA. She’s an adult with a JOB; also an adult with a job should be fully aware you cannot always duck out for a trip.”


“She’s a damn nanny, possibly even live in, which means she cannot just ‘take time off.'”

“If you don’t respect what she does, just say that because it’s obvious.”

“Take this as a lesson because your 18-year-old will soon enough ALSO have a schedule which means you need to TALK TO AND PLAN THINGS OUT WITH THE OTHER ADULTS!” ~ Fun-Replacement1998

“Given his lack of respect for his daughter’s job, it could be that backing out of work is less of a big deal to him because it’s two moms.”

“Women take care of children.”

“That’s why canceling on a commitment to care for their children who an entire weekend isn’t a big deal.”

“I thought he mentioned the two moms because he was trying to emphasize that he knew enough about the family to know it would be fine if she canceled.”

“This, of course, would just be differently misogynistic because he knows about her work and what’s appropriate better than she does.”

“The whole thing is ironic because Emma is the adult, and OP is whining like a child because he isn’t getting his way.” ~ lieutenantVimes

“YTA. You’re disrespecting your daughter’s job and work.”

“And then you tried to guilt her and gaslight her.”

“Don’t expect your adult children to be able to drop their lives for your schedule.”

“Check with them before you plan weekends away.” ~ irish_fiona

“YTA – WOW!”

“You have a responsible daughter who HONORS her commitments, and you try to shame her into risking her job!?”

“Here is another option, PLAN AHEAD, so she can know in advance when she needs to request time off!”

“LACK of planning on YOUR part does not constitute an emergency on HER part!”

“I have trouble believing that you can be so self-centered as even to question if YTA is in this?”  ~ Smitty_80013

“YTA. She gets PAID to babysit those kids. She isn’t doing this for free, OP.”

“Be proud that she is willing to stay committed to work instead of bailing last minute/in the middle of it.”

“You’re N T A for wanting to spend time with family, but you’re TA if you push her further.”

“Next time you want to do a family thing, plan it.”

“Making surprise things is often a horrible idea because of the expectation of having to drop everything to attend.”

“Re-plan this and set the dinner for a day and time that makes sure everyone involved is available to attend.” ~ DJ_Too_Supreme

“YTA. Imagine a father telling someone to blow off a work commitment for an impromptu out-of-town getaway.”

“Your eldest daughter shows that she has more responsibility than you and that her word actually means something (something that you could learn a thing or two about).”

“Imagine saying you’re proud and then acting in such a childish manner without any integrity.”

“Next time, how about planning a trip where everyone can attend ahead of time without needing to cancel work.”

“Not everyone can just get up and go on a whim, and even if it is somehow possible, the sheer lack of professionalism… just embarrassing.” ~ DrPHP

“YTA. You raised your daughter right, and she is acting responsibly.”

“Would the Mom really care if she canceled one weekend? Probably not.”

“But, what you’re asking of your Daughter is for her to compromise on her values.”

“It sounds like you just have to come to terms with the fact that your Daughter(s) are starting to create their own lives.”

“Gone are the days where the girls drop what they’re doing to go with Dad.”

“You just need to plan better beforehand.” ~ naisfurious

“They planned a trip in advance that can only happen because they planned, in advance, to have someone they know and trust watch their kids.”

“Why would you at all assume that the mom wouldn’t care if she canceled?”

“I would think Emma canceling because she decided last minute to go on vacation instead would be a huge deal in terms of their professional relationship.”

“That’s part of what makes OP the AH.” ~ lieutenantVimes

“I bet they would indeed care.”

“Being understanding is one thing – sometimes the people who work for you have emergencies, get sick, etc.”

“And you just deal with it.”

“It doesn’t mean you’re going to be fine with them deciding to go on an impromptu vacation on the one weekend you’ve arranged for them to be there because you’ll be out of town.”

“The daughter would be an idiot to ruin her relationship with good employers for a weekend trip with OP, who doesn’t seem like a great person to be around anyway.”  ~ _palantir_

“YTA. Your daughter has made a career in childcare and has a commitment to her employer.”

“You should respect her career decision and not pressure her to walk out on that commitment.”

“Next time, realize adult schedules can be difficult to align, and better planning will lead to a more desirable outcome.”  ~ smr686s

“YTA It’s a nice thought to want to spend time with your children.”

“BUT your children have commitments they might but be able or willing to drop at your whim.”

“They need a heads up like ‘Hey, dad wants to go on a trip!'”

“Surprise! It’s a trip! Nope.”

“One of your kids is busy.”

“And wheedling that your daughter can just cancel commitments made to her employers-nope.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Quit complaining to Reddit.”

“Go with the other two or delay until a time all three can go.” ~ YouthNAsia63

Well, OP, Reddit has some issues with your impromptu getaway.

Your child is being responsible with their job.

Maybe you can just reschedule.

Hopefully, you’ll all work it out.