When we are guests in other people’s homes, we want to be as respectful of their property as possible.
This often means behaving differently from how we might at home.
Most people don’t have a problem with it, aware that their hosts are going out of their way to make them feel welcome in their home.
Others have trouble tolerating customs and behavior different from their own.
Redditor daniellejgabrielle recently had a group of friends over for dinner.
The original poster (OP) had one hard and fast rule when it came to entering her home.
A rule that one of her guests absolutely refused to obey, resulting in her leaving the party in a huff.
Wondering if she was being unfair, the OP. took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for insisting that guests in my home take off their shoes?”
The OP explained why one of their guests bailed on her dinner party before even setting foot in her home:
“I (28, F[emale]) am British but ethnically Korean, and I was brought up always to take your shoes off indoors.”
“It’s a big part of Korean culture not to wear shoes indoors.”
“I know not everyone does that in their own homes, but in my home, I don’t wear shoes, and I don’t want others wearing shoes either, so I politely ask guests to take their shoes.”
“Recently I had a hosted a dinner party for about 8 friends.”
“Nobody had a problem except one who said her shoes were part of her outfit and she didn’t want to take them off.”
“I told her I’m sorry, but I insist, and she got angry.”
“She refused and ended up storming off.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for making all her guests remove their shoes.
Everyone agreed that no shoes inside was a common courtesy, far beyond Korean culture, and if this friend prioritized her outfit over staying at the party, many urged the OP to consider just how good a friend she was, even if a few could sympathize with her wanting to keep her shoes on:
“NTA.”
“I live in Canada, and it’s common to remove your shoes as well, especially this time of year.”
“It’s rude as hell to wear your outdoor shoes inside someone’s house.”- Caspian4136
“NTA your house – your rules.”
“Who does she think she is – Carrie Bradshaw?”- GalantGift
“NTA.”
“I’m Swedish, and in the majority of European countries, we take our shoes off.”
“It’s gross to leave them on and track all that dirt and muck through the house.”
“Friend was definitely the AH.”
“If she really thinks her outfit is more important than a dinner party with friends, I wouldn’t be happy with her if she was my friend.”- Flying_Cooki
“Most British people I know have a no-shoes rule too.”
“This woman is weird.”
“NTA.”- 3bag
“NTA.”
“It’s normal to take off shoes when entering a home.”-Purple_News_1213
“Not rude to expect it. Maybe offer slippers in place of the shoes?”
“Some people really don’t like going barefoot, or don’t like exposing their feet.”
“NTA.”- GenoFlower
“NTA.”
“But given it’s not a universal practice here, it would be polite to have socks or slippers someone could wear instead if they weren’t prepared to take their shoes off.”- annedroiid
“NTA.”
“I’m the same- no shoes in the house- at all.”
“I’ve had some friends huff, but that’s the house rule.”
“And normal in California, more or less, or at least not surprising.”
“But going forward.”
“You might:”
“Let people know before they come over.”
“Maybe she has holes in her socks, toenail fungus, or some other embarrassing thing going on down there.”
“Provide shoe covers- disposable or slippers that fit shoes.”
“I stayed at a place with a no-shoe rule, and they had these large slip-in slippers you could wear with your shoes in case you needed to run in for a sec and didn’t want to take your shoes off.”
“I’ve been meaning to get a pair.”
“Provide socks and slippers.”
“Make exceptions.”
“Yes, sometimes you just have to let your very elderly relative wear their shoes, without them asking for an existing.”
“Once every great while isn’t going to poison your place.”
“I smile and say that normally we all take our shoes off, but you’re the only one that doesn’t have to, and the look of relief on their face more than enough makes up for the small amount whatever that might be on their shoes.”
“And yes, I live in a big dirty city.”- SachaOrt
“NTA.”
“I understand feeling a bit weird if you planned your outfit to include shoes and aren’t used to removing them.”
“But a good guest respects house rules.”
“Maybe consider keeping a box of disposable shoe covers to offer in the future.”
“That could have helped resolve the issue.”- aryablindgirl
“NTA.”
“The only reason I personally would mind taking off my shoes is if I didn’t know ahead of time that was going to happen.”
“If I know ahead of time, I would bring some house shoes with me.”
“I don’t like walking around barefoot or even sock foot, but I do have sandals and slippers that I only wear in the house.”
“IDk why i didn’t think of this before, but I should just bring house shoes with me whenever I know I’m going to someone’s house.”- AnnieJack
“I struggled with foot odor my entire life, but especially when I was younger (I’m 50 now).”
“I didn’t have a whole lot of money, also lived in a snowy environment, and with limited pairs of shoes…haha, I’m already defending myself because I was so ashamed of it.”
“We had a running joke family that it’s hereditary.”
“No matter what I did, nothing seemed to help.”
“I had high anxiety about whether or not I would be visiting a no-shoe household or not.”
“I kept track of shoes on/shoes off houses by being super observant.”
“If I saw a shoe tray by the door while we were talking, I made a mental note that I’d always be too busy to go in that house.”
“Honestly, I didn’t think anyone was mean for having rules at their house, but I would have been mortified if I showed up at an event at someone’s house and I was supposed to take my shoes off.”
“I guess I’m commenting more to say maybe you are NTA, but in this case, maybe she is NTA either.”
“In the past several years, I’ve been working from home, so I wear shoes less, have a larger variety of shoes, and have made changes to my diet.”
“I don’t have a problem anymore.”
“But man, it was really, really embarrassing when I did.”
“I think an invitation should include a note that no shoes are worn in the house.”
“I know I would’ve politely declined the invitation, but the warning would have prevented an embarrassing situation.”- RegretBorn8951
“NTA.”
“Did your guests know this would be inspected?”
“If not, a heads up might be nice.”- 1misswrite
“NTA.”
“It’s your house and you want to not have shoes.”
“They have to respect.”
“I don’t mind taking my shoes off in houses where they ask me.”- Reddituser72874
“NTA.”
“but usually the other option is for people to wear those shoe covers, when they don’t want to take them off.”
“That way she could’ve kept them on, but yes, it would’ve made her outfit ugly lol.”
“In that case, she can def just leave.”
“I don’t let people in my house with shoes either.”- Rude-Lengthiness-389
“NTA at all, your house, your rules.”
“I’m British, and I have the same rule for my home too, I grew up with it, and honestly it makes perfect sense.”
“Why would I want to drag outside dirt into my house that I’ve meticulously cleaned via my shoes?”
“In future, maybe keep some shoe covers or something just incase but honestly, it’s a perfectly reasonable rule.”- Spiritual-Cheek2800
“NTA.”
“But in the future, try to communicate this aspect of your household etiquette ahead of time.”
“There are some outfits where shoes, heels in particular, make a big deal.”
“For example, I have some pants that are really only safe to walk in if I am wearing high heels, and putting slippers or socks on while wearing them would risk damaging the cuffs.”
“Your friend’s reaction was too intense, but I could see someone being reasonably annoyed by the request.”- PlanMagnet38
It’s almost more unusual not to be asked to take off your shoes when entering someone’s home these days.
Equally baffling is that this friend didn’t seem to take in that she was the only one who refused to take off her shoes, and no one sprang to her defense.
It’s safe to say she shouldn’t expect many more invitations from the OP.
Chances are, she likely won’t be getting many invitations from anyone in attendance.