Having to plan a life around family members can be stressful.
Most people want to plan their own lives, but family can try to hold a person back.
Sometimes family can only see their own desires.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not telling my family that I joined the military?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Growing up, I (18 F[emale]) had to do everything with my twin sister Sophie.”
“Well, mostly do everything Sophie wanted.”
“If things didn’t go her way, she’d throw a huge fit until she got her way.”
“Our whole lives, we had to share a brightly colored bedroom.”
“Once in 4th grade, I got in trouble because I put a picture of a poorly drawn dragon on the wall because it was ‘too dark for Sophie,’ which I thought was ridiculous.”
“Throughout elementary and middle school, our mom dressed us up in the exact same or nearly identical clothes because she thought it was cute.”
“In 5th grade, our mom had us join ballet because it was something Sophie always wanted to do.”
“When I would ask to join boxing, my dad would yell at me for only thinking of myself.”
“My mom would always say that boxing was too rough for Sophie.”
“It got worse in high school.”
“Whenever I wanted to hang out with my own friends, Sophie just had to come along, or she’d say I’m purposely excluding her.”
“When I would have a crush on someone, the next day Sophie would be dating him.”
“In senior year, Sophie already made up her mind that she and I were both going to college for cosmetology.”
“To sum it all up, I couldn’t do anything or do anything with my own life because it had to be what Sophie wanted or I’d get in trouble.”
“As soon as I turned 18, I decided to join the Navy.”
“Last night I sat my parents and Sophie down at the table and explained that I wasn’t going to college for cosmetology with Sophie, but I’m leaving for the Navy.”
“They all started to scream at me that this was selfish and I’m betraying my family.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, just be aware that you replaced Sophie with Uncle Sam.”
“But I do think this will give you a great launchpad to get away and start the rest of your life, given the circumstances.”
“Get a degree while you are enlisted so you can open more doors for yourself down the road.” ~ 867-53-oh-nein
“What young people rarely think about is that they are going to have to work 40 years before retirement, often in jobs they hate.”
“Joining the Navy at 18 and making a 20-year career out of it is a great alternative.”
“When her sister is struggling because she doesn’t have health benefits as a cosmetologist, OP will be covered by TriCare.”
“When sis is getting student loans for cosmetology school, OP will be eligible for free college to choose a new career when she retires from the Navy.” ~ RelevantPossible9618
“LOL. Imagine having to join the military to finally have some personal peace. NTA.” ~ OkHistory3944
“NTA. Since you are 18, you need to get a bank account in your name only.”
“Secure your important documents, such as your birth certificate, social security card, and passport if you have one.”
“If the harassment becomes too much, find a friend or relative to stay with until you ship out.”
“If you do move out, let the local police know you are an adult because your parents will probably call in for wellness checks or say you are a runaway.”
“Let your school know that as an adult, you are invoking your educational rights and changing your contact info in their system.”
“One of the best days of my life was when I got on that bus and left for the Army with my dad getting smaller in the distance.”
“Good luck to you.” ~ BreakingUp47
“NTA, but time to go N[o] C[ontact] with your family.”
“Your family doesn’t see you as an individual person but as an entity of your sister.”
“Congrats on joining the Navy.”
“I wish you nothing but the best.”
“Live your life the way you want to live.” ~ SnooSprouts6437
“During my time in the military, I became friends with a guy who had to do something similar- secretly join the army to escape his overcontrolling family.”
“He was 18 and his family expected him to continue to live in the house and look after his siblings.”
“He wasn’t allowed to work or have his own money.”
“But he was smart, passed all the tests, and had the relevant ID.”
“When he told them, they melted down and said he was forbidden to go.”
“He said that if he didn’t leave on X date for basic, the M[ilitary] P[olice] would come and get him.”
“They reluctantly let him go.” ~ No-To-Newspeak
“NTA. I’m not all country pride and glory, but enjoyed my time in the military.”
“It was a great way to get to know myself and learn about life.”
“In the military, the days tend to drag by, but the years fly by.”
“Model your behavior on the N[on]-C[ommissioned] O[fficer] and officers you respect.”
“Don’t let your fellow idiots in the junior enlisted ranks hold you back.”
“Don’t take anything too personally in training.”
“It’s just a game… I actually found some of the crazy things I had screamed at me amusing (BUT DON’T SMILE!!!).”
“You will be set up quite well for life in the civilian world after the military.”
“I work in business now, and I have to deal with moody/bitchy executives who throw hissy fits… it doesn’t ever faze me in the slightest.”
“I’ve been chewed out by better in the Army.”
“But to your question… I assume your family will get over it in time.”
“Having a twin is unique, but at some point, you two have to become different people.”
“The Navy is your chance to embrace being an individual, and if your family can’t accept that in time, they are too toxic to fret over.” ~ MonarchistExtreme
“Given the context, NTA.”
“Ideally, you would be able to talk to your family about bug decisions, but I understand why you didn’t in this case.”
“I do hope you also joined the Navy because it’s something YOU want to do, and not just a way to get away from your family and Sophie.” ~ Honeybee3674
“NTA, it’s time to pull up your big girl pants and start your own life.”
“The military can be a great start to your future.”
“Just remember that boot camp is not what the rest of the military is like.”
“It is designed to remove you from your comfort zone and make you more open to taking on things you thought you could never do.”
“The best advice is not to fight the design of boot camp but to roll with it.”
“This will give you the best experience with the least angst.”
“And Congratulations on starting your new life!” ~ Consistent-Movie-229
“NTA. Get away NOW, or you will be stuck with her forever.”
“You’ll end up working at her salon for less than minimum wage and supporting her forever.”
“Get away NOW.” ~ BeginningSun247
“Lol, call me silly, but I would have told them when I got to boot camp.”
“I would have slowly taken my stuff from the house to give to a friend or put in storage.”
“I really hope they don’t do anything stupid like keep you home or something insane like that.”
“Be safe, Darlin’.”
“You are 100%. NTA.” ~ Little_Ol_Me1975
“NTA. I live in a military town, and I see people who are in the military and have been for years at that, and they’re on an amazing path of life.”
“My girlfriend just crossed year 12 in the Air Force, and she’s 31 and will retire at 45ish with the best benefits, a home, college, and she’s traveled the world.” ~ Vibe_Rotisserie
“NTA. Enjoy the life you build for yourself.”
“Your family doesn’t get a say in your decisions from this point forward.”
“I hope they adjust their attitude because so far it’s been stifling and unsupportive.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you limited or cut contact with them in the future if they don’t shape up.” ~ Playful_Pianist_16
“NTA. learn as much as you can.”
“Take advantage of the college course access; the Navy can be a huge opportunity for your future if you make use of all the benefits while you serve.”
“Good luck in all you do and I hope you find your happiness.” ~ sltydgx
“NTA, after reading all that, definitely NTA.”
“You deserve to live your own life.”
“Seems like Sophie was the golden child for your parents, which should not be a thing.”
“Big hug and good luck!!!!” ~ For_being_tall
“NTA, but your parents… Total AHs.”
“And the MONSTER they’re creating in allowing Sophie to always get her way is going to come back to bite them.”
“You go do you.”
“I hate you had to join the service just to get away.”
“But it was definitely a wise move.”
Best wishes for a great experience in the service, and mind your p’s and q’s (for real — be safe and trust but verify everything).” ~ LeoTinkerbell
“NTA for choosing what you want to do with your time and life and choosing your own happiness for once after 18 years of them gaslighting, manipulating, and emotionally abusing you.”
“Just be sure you choose military/the navy for what they stand for and not because it sounds like the easiest escape.” ~ curiousyara
Reddit is with you, OP.
The Navy could be a great experience.
You owe your family nothing.
Good Luck.