Doing chores never gets any more fun with age.
In fact, with age, just thinking about doing the chores can be a chore.
But house chores are inevitable.
In a relationship, most home chores are divided up.
Each partner has their duties.
This usually works out well, until it doesn't.
Redditor u/One-Advantage-2199 found herself in a dilemma regarding her friend's aversion to taking out the trash, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole"(AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for telling my friend she's acting entitled because she refuses to take out her own trash?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"A couple of months ago, I (30 F[emale]) invited my friend (31F ) and her B[oy]F[riend] (30 M[ale]) over for dinner."
"I was still finishing up cooking when they arrived, so I let them in and asked my boyfriend (34 M) to keep them company in the living room while I wrapped things up in the kitchen."
"While cooking, I noticed my trash can was overflowing."
"Since dinner only needed about 5 minutes to set, I decided to take the trash bag out quickly (we live in an apartment building and have a courtyard for trash bags)."
"As I walked through the living room with the bag, my friend turned to my boyfriend and said, 'Wait, you really let her take out the trash? That's a man's job.'"
"I didn't think much of it at the time and just assumed she was trying to make a joke, even though it wasn't a funny one."
"Fast forward to recently."
"I was visiting her place, and her trash can was completely overflowing with flies swarming around it. "
"She shrugged it off, explaining that her boyfriend was out of town for a week and she refused to take out the trash herself because 'it's a man's job."
"Hearing that made me remember what she said at my house."
"Out of pure curiosity, I asked her, 'What if your boyfriend broke his leg?'"
"To get into their apartment, you have to climb a flight of stairs."
"Without missing a beat, she said, 'Oh, I would call my dad and ask him to come take out the trash.'"
"Her dad doesn't even live in the same town and is retired."
"When I asked what she would do if her dad happened to be on vacation at the same time, she replied, 'I would either ask another man (a friend of hers or her boyfriend's) or just let the trash overflow until my boyfriend can walk again.'"
"I couldn't hide the utter shock on my face."
"She is a healthy woman with no chronic pain or physical limitations that would make it impossible to lift a trash bag."
"She noticed my expression and asked what was wrong."
"I told her honestly: I completely understand dividing chores in a relationship, but refusing to take out your own trash just because 'it's a man's task' is acting entitled."
"To be clear, I have no problem with dividing tasks."
"If one partner is primarily responsible for taking out the trash, that's totally fine! "
"But refusing to do it yourself when your partner isn't around and letting your house fill up with flies just because of gender roles blew my mind."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, AITAH for telling her she was acting entitled?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"Was she taught this as a child?"
"The length she's gone through or willing to go through."
"To avoid taking out the trash is concerning." ~ Reasonable-Soup-2142
"Oh wow, I would have started laughing in her face, so you kept it together more than I would have."
"I'm sorry, not only is she entitled; she's disgusting."
"Any person who can let their house become overfilled with trash like that just because a man isn't around is nasty."
"To become so entitled to act like this is crazy."
"She's the type that couldn't change a tire, her oil, or do anything that she thinks is a 'man's' job."
'One day is going to come when she's going to have to grow up."
"I would have called the boyfriend and dad right there and would have told them they need to stop enabling this behavior."
"So you're a better friend than I am." ~ Particular_Dinner_18
"If my sister had called our dad to take out trash, he'd have laughed in her face, and mom would have had strong words to say about entitlement."
"They would do anything for us if we couldn't do it ourselves, but they raised us both to be independent adults." ~ Adelucas
"NTA. I wouldn't even say entitled."
"I would say stupid."
"If she is willing to let her house stink and attract bugs because, in her opinion, taking out the trash is a man's job, she is extremely stupid." ~ Recent_Section725
"NTA, that's some serious internalized misogyny going there."
"But also just stupid."
"That's not healthy to have all those flies in the house for an extended period of time. "
"She's going to make herself sick because 'it's a man's job' (it's not, obviously)." ~ GryphyGirl
"NTA. WOW!"
"The entitlement, the internalized misogyny, the audacity! Damn!"
"We have bear-proof garbage cans, super heavy lids, tiny little latch."
"They are hard to open and easy to tip."
"Everyone hauls the garbage here."
"Everyone." ~ bmw5986
"Sometimes I wonder about how people were raised."
"My sister and I took turns at chores."
"One week I'd do trash, and she'd vacuum; the following week we'd swap."
"Same with doing dishes."
"One week I'd wash, and she'd dry; the next week swap around."
"We were both taught how to do laundry and how to iron clothes, and when we got our own places we both knew how to cook and clean without thinking any job was gender based." ~ Adelucas
"NTA, but you're a better person than me."
"I would've laughed my way out of that filthy as* place."
"What if your boyfriend just said I'm not going to cook or clean or help raise a child because they are all a woman's job?"
"What would you say to that?"
"It's sexism, whichever way you slice it." ~ TBvunza98
"NTAH."
"I would honestly evaluate the relationship with this girl and most likely distance myself from her immediately cause wtf do you mean you're a 30-year-old woman and can't take a bag of trash out?"
"I would continuously think about all the other disgusting sh*t she does and have to end the friendship. Gross." ~ Own-Fee-2782
"NTA, cut her off completely and immediately. "
"If she asks why, tell her it's because her home is a biohazard; therefore she is a biohazard, and you can't abide her way of treating her significant other and her friends."
"So filthy in the way she lives."
"Toxic in the way she treats her friends."
"Plus, sexist in a very weird way."
"Make sure she isn't allowed in your home either."
"Who knows what toxins she's dragging around with her." ~ Spa-Ordinary
"I feel bad for whoever marries her."
"My guess is she’s just like her mother, who probably bullies and manipulates an overly kind husband and takes advantage of him."
"You are NTA." ~ aliencardboard
"NTAH. It’s more than entitled behavior."
"It’s unsanitary to have a full trash can with flies buzzing around it."
"It makes me wonder what other odd ideas she has." ~ AggravatingToday2833
"Your friend is lacking common sense."
"Nothing wrong with delegating tasks, so the household runs efficiently and one person does not become overwhelmed."
"But she is c.r.a.z.y. "
"If this creates an unsanitary environment, he is away, and she refuses to take the trash out."
"She is mentally off."
"I would guess this is not her only off moment or comment. YIKES!!!!" ~ Dreamy1900
"She's a sexist princess, which isn't a very desirable combination."
"I hope her boyfriend is able to get some help with his shockingly low self-esteem."
"NTA. And you didn't even make the actual criticism of her attitude until she dragged it out of you." ~ MotelTheTailor1903
"All chores are for all genders."
"You would do them all by yourself if you were single and lived alone."
"She is saying her dad would do it, but I think that must have never happened before, and she is just saying it is what she would try first." ~ NO_FIX_AUTOCORRECT
"NTA. What other filthy habits does your friend have that you don’t know about yet?"
"I would never eat food prepared in her kitchen again. Flies are filthy little creatures, and there is no way I would want food prepared in a dirty kitchen that is hosting flies." ~ IceDragonPlay
"Taking out trash is 'a man's job?'"
"That's not just entitled, that's absolutely ridiculous."
"Dividing tasks is one thing."
"But throw out this bulls*it about 'this is a man's job' and 'this is a woman's job.'"
"Because that doesn't exist."
"Every job can be done by a man and a woman."
"At least the usual chores in a household, like washing clothes, cleaning dishes, taking out the trash, and such."
"Even if a couple divides it in a way that usually the man has to take out the trash, there can be situations where that's not possible."
"The man may be away for days or, like you suggested, incapable because of a broken leg."
"The trash still needs to be taken out, so the other person (the woman...) sometimes needs to do it herself."
"That's what normal adults do."
"So, NTA." ~ Z4-Driver
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your friend's behavior is, at best, peculiar.
How does someone just let trash pile up and attract flies?
Good luck to her BF.
