Taylor Swift's fan army does not play around.
The Swifties are a force to be reckoned with.
To them, everything Tay-Tay writes and sings is anointed.
So showing them bad reviews or unkind criticism of the megastar doesn't always go over well.
Redditor Reasonable-Fold2817 to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for showing my girlfriend some criticism of Taylor Swift's latest album after she asked for it?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My G[irl]F[riend] is a big Taylor Swift fan."
"Last weekend, when we were cuddling, I asked how she liked the latest album (she'd really been waiting for it to drop)."
"She said it was good and asked me how I liked it."
"I said I hadn't gotten the chance to listen to it, but I'd just asked because some people were flaming it on X."
"She asked me about what, I said I wasn't sure, just that I'd read it when it came across me."
"She insisted that she wanted to see the posts, so I just showed them to her."
"She read it, disagreed with a few of them out loud, tried to explain to me why they were wrong, and I just agreed with her."
"Last night, when we were driving, one of the songs in the latest album came up on her Spotify, and during it, she told me I'd ruined the album and Taylor Swift for her."
"I thought she was joking, but she was serious."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for having brought up all the criticism I came across to her?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. She sounds like a child."
"'You ruined _____ for me' is not the way mature people speak." ~ floataboveit
"Also, if just hearing critiques of it ruined it for her, then it wasn't good in the first place, and she was just keeping her mindset of 'I love Taylor Swift no matter what.'"
"If you actually love something, you're not going to stop liking it just because other people dislike it." ~ 100000cuckooclocks
"If a critique ruins something for you, it's usually because you know the critique is accurate."
"This girl just asked to have her rose-tinted glasses pulled off and is blaming OP for it." ~ Arinvar
"She also needs to learn that even if something is bad doesn't mean you need to stop enjoying it."
"You can call something bad and still enjoy it." ~ Erick_Brimstone
"Swifties need to stop acting like everything TS makes is good."
"I like some of the Taylor Swift songs, but this new album was not it, and that's okay."
"There isn't a single artist on this planet that can make a 10/10 every time." ~ MizuKumaa
"It is how mature people speak about wanton, aggressive negativity."
"Either you are correct and the OP's girlfriend is almost comically immature, or OP is not giving us the full story about his conduct (perhaps unintentionally; he may not even be aware of how he came across)." ~ robilar
"Except she's the one who asked him to show her the criticisms the album had been receiving."
"Saying it got ruined for her over this sh*t IS immature."
"That's like saying 'Game of Thrones' got ruined for you because of the criticisms that Season 8 got instead of coming to your own conclusions by watching the show." ~ MunderFunder
"There probably is a tendency for people on this subreddit to omit elements of the story that paint them in a negative light, but in this case, OP would need to be actively lying."
"He (or she - I don't think it's specified) says they hadn't heard the record, mentioned the criticism once, and agreed with her defence."
"To get to 'wanton, aggressive negativity,' you'd need to do more than speculate that something is missing, but flip at least a couple of these to be their polar opposite: OP hated the record, criticized it repeatedly, and/or brushed off her opinion."
"At that point, we're not so much assessing the situation described as inventing an entirely new hypothetical." ~ UrchinJoe
"She specifically asked to read the criticism."
"That's on her."
"You 'ruined' nothing. NTA." ~ wesmorgan1
"Even if she hadn't: casually saying 'I didn't really like X thing for Y reasons'—let alone just casually mentioning that criticism exists at all—can only 'ruin' something for an immature person who doesn't have real taste of their own."
"I cannot imagine living in such a sheltered media bubble that I never encounter criticism of the things I like, let alone being fragile enough to let that actually affect how I feel." ~ Tycho_B
"Also, it's not like it's some obscure band."
"Even if you couldn't care less, there's a pretty high likelihood you're going to see something about her album, even if the person you're dating didn't show it to you."
"She's been stupid famous for almost 20 years."
"I've been hearing her drama second hand since middle school." ~ transtranselvania
"NTA... and as a Swifty, I am saying NTA."
"How old is your GF?"
"She sounds very immature."
"Normal adults can handle criticism of something or someone they like." ~ No_Preparation_379
"Just want to make sure I understand correctly."
"Your girlfriend has had an album she enjoyed 'ruined' because people she doesn't know a thing about said the album was bad?"
"She needs to touch grass and get a grip."
"She should also work on not allowing outside opinions to impact her point of view."
"NTA, all you did was answer her question, and she would've come across similar criticism because I saw fan pages talking negatively about the album." ~ AbbreviationsOk7954
"Honestly, the fact that a few opinions affected her enjoyment of the album THAT much, that now it's totally ruined, shows she probably didn't like it that much in the first place."
"She's lashing out because she actually agrees, and she just wanted to blindly love it like everyone else in that God awful fandom." ~ platonictiddies
"TS fans themselves are flaming this new album."
"NTA, she was bound to run into the criticism at some point… and if she didn't, then she's so far under the Swifty rock that anything but outright praise would 'ruin' it for her." ~ gbriellek
"Lol. When you said 'she was asking for it' in the title, I thought you were being figurative, but after reading the post, I see you meant it literally."
"NTA. Your opinion shouldn't have that much influence on her enjoyment of the album."
"If it did, she shouldn't have asked for criticism." ~ BigBackeron
"And if she is such a big fan, it is weird some random haters would ruin the entire thing for her."
"If you really love something that much, some random internet comments wouldn't ruin it all the way... NTA, OP, girlfriend is being dramatic." ~ Salt-Improvement-263
"NTA. Seems like her convictions aren't so strong if strangers on Twitter can ruin it for her." ~ Forsoothia
"She doesn't sound old enough to date if this is how she handles interactions."
"I mean... like it if you like it."
"Hate if you hate it."
"Think it's mid AF if you think it's mid AF."
"Don't crash out because the world doesn't share your opinion and conform to your expectations."
"She can't enjoy something bc she read that someone else didn't enjoy it... or is she saying she agrees with the criticism and now can't unhear that it's mid AF?"
"Either way. NTA." ~ nasnedigonyat
"NTA - I wouldn't consider Twitter my go-to for nuanced music criticism, but it's really weird to blame you for ruining an album."
"If she liked it before, why does it matter?"
"If you only listen to the music the internet all collectively likes, you'd be left with no music."
"Even if you take away all the different variants (and billboard cracks down on some of that anyway), it would still be spending its second week at #1."
"Clearly, a lot of people like this album."
"She could easily find internet takes that will match her original one."
"But also, she doesn't need to like Taylor Swift."
"There are so many artists out there!"
"If anything, find what she liked about previous Taylor Swift albums, and you can find others like it."
"Could be a fun thing to do as a couple." ~ SillyMoose25
"NTA, but I'm guessing that it was a bit of a glass-shattering moment for her where she can't hear the songs the same way again after certain things are pointed out."
"She's being overdramatic, blaming you, she never thought about it when it wasn't any of the opinions you said, and how she wanted to hear the criticism."
"I really like Taylor Swift as well, but it's definitely not my favourite of her albums, and a lot of the criticism about this one is very valid."
"It's selling like absolute crazy, though." ~ M1eXcel
"NTA. People can form their own opinions; just because there was criticism she read doesn't force her to agree."
"She can take in what others are saying and then form her own opinion."
"You didn't ruin anything." ~ Embarrassed-Koala242
"NTA. She asked to see them."
"She's not that big of a fan anyway, if the opinions of randos on Twitter are enough to 'ruin' the album for her." ~ fairytypefay
"She is being dramatic."
"You are entitled to your own opinion and don't have to lie about liking the generic garbage she likes to appease her. NTA." ~ SuchTutor6509
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your GF is taking this too personally.
You did not have any malicious intention, and Taylor Swift herself will survive any bad critique.
Artists can't please everybody, all of the time.
You two will be 'Out of the Woods' hopefully sooner than later.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp