Establishing boundaries is key to any relationship. So, when you move in with a new person and your family starts to grow, it is fair to take things slow.
Redditor throw_awaystepbro encountered this very issue with his family. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not wanting to share room with step-brother anymore after he came out?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained.
“My dad got married over a year ago. His wife moved in with her son who’s same age as me (16).”
“It’s a two bedroom house so ‘Steven’ moved into my room too. It didn’t bother me before because I was mostly with my mom and my dad only on weekends.”
“My mom got called out of state for work and she’s not gonna be back for months so I’m now with him full time. I’ve met Steven a few times but now being here all the time I notice weird stuff.”
OP gave some context.
“There’s bathroom in my room and he literally gets out NAKED every single time even when I was already in the room before he went in.”
“I always tell him ‘what the f*ck’ and he says sorry but always does it. Now I just leave the room when he showers.”
“When I play video games he’ll come sit right next to me and we’re pressed right against each other.”
“There’s more space on the couch so it bothers me that he does that. Other times he’ll be talking to me and put his hand right on my lap but like not move it.”
OP is trying to establish boundaries.
“I don’t know it’s weird for me because I don’t like being touched but he’s always super touchy with me no matter how many times I tell him I hate it.”
“What’s made it really uncomfortable is when I change or something in the room. He straight up watches me and it creeps me out so now I go do that in the bathroom too.”
“It’s always weird when he’s around and I just don’t like it.”
“And he ALWAYS wants to be around me.”
“He came out 2 months ago and now some stuff makes sense. It’s more awkward because I feel like he’s into me or something.”
“Still stares if he comes in when I’m changing my clothes but acts like he wasn’t, gets naked around me when he’s changing.”
OP talked to his dad about it.
“So, I told my dad I don’t wanna share my room with him anymore and said why. My dad doesn’t think it’s wrong the way he is but let me turn the basement downstairs into my own room when I asked him.”
“It was a tv room we never used and it had lots of space for my bed and all my other stuff. Steven’s mad now that I don’t wanna share room with him.”
“He says I’m being homophobic cause what a coincidence I’m only doing it now after he came out.”
“His mom is mad too and thinks I’m overreacting because boys change in locker rooms together all the time so that shouldn’t make me uncomfortable. She says too that I’m being weird only because he’s gay.”
“But idk I was always uncomfortable in locker rooms too. And plus he straight up walks around naked in front of me which I don’t like.”
It’s caused some tension.
“It’s tense at home with them both saying I’m being homophobic and Steven says I’m hurting his feelings not wanting to share that space anymore.”
“I didn’t like any of the stuff he was doing even before he came out. Knowing that he’s gay just made me start to wonder if it was all being done on purpose.”
“So idk am I being an asshole?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA and shouldn’t have anything to do with him being gay. You’ve set your boundaries and he keeps knowingly and willingly crossing them.”
“If your parents won’t do anything about it, then start using the phrase ‘sexual harassment’ because that is literally what it is. Get a teacher or counselor involved too. You aren’t being homophobic at all.” ~ BlackManta04
“THIS. What he’s doing is straight up sexual harassment, and the touching you without your consent is sexual assault. Sit the whole family down and explain in great detail what he’s been doing and then call it what it is: sexual harassment and sexual assault.”
“Tell them that you were making excuses for him before he came out, but now that he’s out, it’s become clear what he’s doing and it’s completely unacceptable.”
“Tell them that you’ve moved out of the room and that’s that; you don’t want to hear any more cr*p about it. If they can’t accept it–and if he continues harassing and assaulting you– you will escalate by calling your mother and telling the school counselor.”
“It sounds like going nuclear, but don’t pu**yfoot around sexual harassment and assault. You don’t want it to get normalized in your home. NTA.”
“ETA: please update us!” ~ usernaym44
This “locker room” mentality is toxic.
“The ‘locker room’ thing doesn’t compare what he’s doing. Nobody in the locker room would stare at others, frequently change in front of somebody.”
“That behavior is getting noticed very fast and isn’t appropriate.
Now your stepbrother is out, it changes the perspective on the behavior OP wasn’t fond of already.” ~ ToastAbrikoos
“I’m reading all of this & thinking, how often do people really walk around completely naked? I know there are some people who prefer it, but I have brothers & they would never just hang out completely naked.”
“I mean, besides coming out of the shower, you’re pretty much never naked, & a reasonable person would take their clothes, or at least underwear, into the bathroom when they shower. Problem solved.”
“Most people would come out of the bathroom wearing a towel, it’s weird he just walks out completely naked. The touching, etc can’t be explained away. He’s being inappropriate & his parents need to address that ASAP.”
“Edit: NTA” ~ corner_tv
Your boundaries need to be respected.