We get very protective of our family. There is always the trope of the dad and daughter, where the dad threatens any boy who dates his daughter with bodily harm if he breaks her heart. (That is one of the more outdated and problematic tropes that still happens today.)
But the reverse-daughter to dad-isn’t seen as much. But in this case, an anonymous daughter on Reddit felt the need to jump in and defend her father when a woman openly hit on her in a public place.
She went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” in order to ascertain if she’d made the right move:
“AITA for telling a woman that my dad is not interested in her and that she’s desperate & pathetic?”
The day started with a normal father-daughter excursion to the beach, when they were approached by a woman:
“I (18F) went to the beach with my dad and after some time we went to get some drinks. We were sitting outside a restaurant and I noticed this woman who kept staring. After a few minutes she approached us and started flirting aggressively with my dad.”
“For some context, everybody has been telling me my entire life that my dad is very good looking. Women (and sometimes men) hit on him everywhere he goes and I’m always being told I have a ‘hot dad.’ So I’m used to these incidents but I was still annoyed that she was so blatant about it.”
And then the flirting got pretty intense:
“Anyway she was talking to him and came on very strong. I ignored it because I thought it would be over soon. She told him that she got divorced recently and joked that her sex drive has never been this high. Who the hell says that to a stranger? My dad kindly rejected her advances but she didn’t even care. She said that she works at the bar and asked if he’s available later today.”
To the point that our original poster, or OP, reacted pretty strongly:
“At one point she literally touched his arm and said something really gross. I was furious and told her ‘why don’t you f**k off.’ She gave me a dirty look and said that she was talking to my dad, not me. I told her that he is happily married to my mom and that she’s really creepy.”
The flirting woman tried to get Dad on her side, but he was having none of it:
“She told me to mind my business and said that this was a conversation ‘between adults.’ So I told her that she’s incredibly pathetic and reeks of desperation. And I added that I’m not surprised she’s divorced. She got very mad, called me ‘disrespectful’ and looked to my dad as if he would back her up. He just told her that he agrees with me. She was so pissed that she swore at us and walked off.”
Now OP is wondering if she was over the line:
“Now I’m wondering if I was the a**hole and reacted too harshly. I usually try to be nice and don’t like being rude, it would make me feel bad. I probably didn’t have to say that thing about her recent divorce. And my dad could’ve handled it himself anyway. Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors decided where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most people agreed that OP was not in the wrong:
“Some people are shameless. Ages ago when I was a kid (around 10, I think) my parents went shopping for carpet and took me with. While they were there, the girl who was helping them out flirted so blatantly with my father, WHILE MY MOTHER WAS THERE and in front of my 10-year old self, that I picked up on it and was offended.”
“Kinda startled my parents when I brought it up as soon as we were outside, lol, but that’s another story.”~Mewssbites
“This kinda reminds me of how I used to have to lie at bars about having a BF if I wasn’t interested. It’s crazy that people will respect the boundaries of an individual whoa not present over the person in front of them. It’s incredibly creepy. People should learn that no means no and there shouldn’t be any need to justify yourself.”~Coyote__Jones
“NTA. She hit on him aggressively in front of his daughter, didnt take the hint, and continued after being told he is happilly married. She needed a verbal smack down.”~mporter223
“NTA She was intruding on your time with your dad. She didn’t take the hint. Could you have been more diplomatic about it? Probably, but I get the feeling that it wouldn’t have worked.”~dg313
After all, the woman did not seem to respect OP’s dad’s rejections, so it seemed like abrasiveness was the only way to go:
“Definitely NTA.”
“This woman kept harassing your dad after he already told her no. It’s ironic that she called you disrespectful when she kept sexually harassing someone. She’s even touched him.”~BriaKhalifa
“God, it’s like you ran into the living embodiment of willful homewreckers everywhere.”
“”‘My dad kindly rejected her advances but she didn’t even care. She said that she works at the bar and asked if he’s available later today.'”
“‘At one point she literally touched his arm and said something really gross. I was furious and told her “why don’t you f**k off.” She gave me a dirty look and said that she was talking to my dad, not me. I told her that he is happily married to my mom and that she’s really creepy.'”
“Girl was told no by your father, kept going, kept getting closer, got touchy, and then copped an attitude with you for telling her to fuck off. The worst part? There are enablers for this kind of person are everywhere’s. You see them all the time on AITA whenever the subject of disdain for ‘the other woman’ comes up in threads, and they’re always littering the comments with their, ‘BuT ShE WaSnT DAh oNe WHo ChEaTeD!!!’ F**k that. Ughhh.”
“Definitely NTA, and your father is a good man for backing you on this. He’d already said no, but he was dealing with a creeper. She was willing to flirt in front of his own daughter despite him being a married man. Wretched.”~Serendipity-junction
“NTA – The fact she was aggressively hitting on your dad while you sat there is just cringey. Your dad was extremely patient and polite. It was great that you stepped up for him and that he backed you up. I have a pretty good idea of why she’s divorced.”~saskgatz
“NTA – your dad sounds incredibly patient. I don’t know why people don’t see how creepy this is! Also, if you’re interested in someone, surely insulting their daughter right in front of them isn’t the best way to go.”~maddylucy
And what the woman did was at best, sexual harrassment.
“NTA. Being overtly sexual to a person you met seconds earlier is creepy. Doing that in front of his kid who is clearly uncomfortable is even more creepy. She sounds like she was hoping he’d choose sex with a stranger over his own child which is just a whole bundle of inappropriate and terrible.”~myfirstnameisdanger
“NTA. My friend has a ‘hot dad’ (I don’t see it because I’ve known him all my life and he’s like an uncle to me) and a lady hit on him so hard at a cafe that my friend took the table candle and tried to light the lady’s dress on fire. Her dad had told her he was married twice, had tried to be polite and even tried ignoring her but she wouldn’t stop. The candle trick worked though. The woman got really upset and then my friend’s dad said ‘you need a bucket of water to melt a witch, sweetie.’ Some people are immune to subtlety.”~effygrant
“NTA. Clearly nothing else would have stopped her.”
“Once when my mom was out of town for a month, all these ladies kept coming by to drop off casseroles for him and flirt. I finally started saying, ‘You know she’s coming back, right?'”~A_Mod_Proposal
“NTA at all, she was incredibly disrespectful for making overtly sexual advances to a married man, especially with his daughter right there.”
“You gave her a chance to back off and accept the No your dad was repeating, she didn’t, so you made it very clear she wasn’t welcome. That was appropriate. She ignored you again and that’s when you made yourself even clearer by shifting tone to get personal with her. And that worked to end the interaction (with a bit of backtalk, but it worked). I’m glad your dad backed you up too.”
“No regrets! You stood up for your (and your dad’s) boundaries and her behavior says everything about her and nothing about you. Sounds to me like she’s going through something and not handling it well and that’s unfortunate but it doesn’t obligate you to watch your dad be a target or to be talked down to.”~elmowasablatch
Boundaries are meant to be respected. When they are flouted egregiously, it engenders the worst in both parties.
OP’s defending of her own and her father’s boundaries was understandable, if a little strong. But her objective was achieved.
If the end is right, does it justify the means?