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Teen Baffled After Stepmom Tells Her She Can’t Wear Usual Gothic Makeup To Dad’s Wedding

woman in gothic makeup
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Teen Redditor Snowtime_foxy is gaining a stepmother soon.

The Original Poster (OP) typically sports a Gothic look in terms of makeup and clothing, but on the wedding day she has been asked to tone down the makeup.

This took the OP by surprise because her parents are typically super supportive of her look.

Her confusion led the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

She asked:

“AITA for wanting to wear my Gothic makeup at my step-mother’s wedding?”

She went on to explain:

“I [Female age 15] am going to my parents [Female age 36, Male age 35] wedding in a couple of months.”

“My father brought up to me that I can’t wear my full-face goth makeup.”

“I understand that it’s her wedding day and she wants things a specific way, but I don’t understand why I can’t wear my makeup.”

“My dad says it how she wants it to be for the pictures and such, and that it’s a ‘respect’ thing. I should mention that they are very accepting of how I dress/present.”

“Which is why I was confused when he said that she didn’t want me to wear my makeup. I’m not trying to get attention – that’s not my intention.”

“I feel comfortable with how I dress and feel ‘at home’ with my makeup. So I sort of feel like they’re restricting that for some pictures at the wedding.”

“But I could be wrong, AITA?”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:

“Gentle YTA. You said they respect you other times re makeup, so why can’t you respect her wish to have you tone it down for the wedding? It’s only a few hours out of one day.” – stroppo

“YTA. As you go through life, you’ll find that expressing your personal style will have its limits. This is one of them, and it most certainly won’t be the last.”

“Your parents, who have been very accepting of you, are making a simple request of you for one day.” – TemptingPenguin369

“I gotta tell you, seeing a 15 year old ask for input this way and then receive it and reach compromise is insanely promising.”

“You’re showing really mature behavior and conflict resolution. I’m really impressed. You’re light years ahead of many mid 30s adults I know.” – TheFishermansWife22

“Soft YTA.”

“As long as they’re not controlling all the time, it would be really nice if you could agree to wear a more subtle makeup look for the wedding. You can do it your way all the rest of the time.”

“When something is going to live in photos forever, sometimes people just want it to be more timeless than a certain makeup or hair trend.”

“You may think right now that this is your style forever but as you get older, you may prefer different looks.”

“It’s nice to have family photos where hair/makeup isn’t a hugely prominent feature.” – SelfImportantCat

“Ywbta. Someone could wear white everyday as that’s their thing and what makes them feel comfortable and at their best, but you don’t wear white to a wedding. Same concept.”

“You love your look and that’s great! And you say they support you looking like that everyday. Also great!”

“But this is a formal event and they want you to tone down the look for one event, one day. I think you can do it.”

“There are plenty of goth looking makeup styles that are toned down to be appropriate.”

“Looking back on wedding photos you want the eye to go to the bride- I think its fair they don’t want your full face makeup to be thing that pulls attention.”

“So look for makeup styles you like that are toned down for the occasion. Make it fun looking at new styles/techniques!” – cocopuffscocopuffs

“YTA. There is a time and a place for certain types of expressions. A wedding is typically not the place for your full goth makeup.”

“Think and look at pictures like the one below. It’s not just about you, and whether it’s your intention or not, you’re going to take attention away from the bride.”

“” – keesouth

“I say this as an elder goth, gentle yta.”

“Wearing a full face of what I assume would be tradgoth makeup, since you mention white foundation, is inappropriate for a traditional wedding.”

“I was the goth kid once too, going to weddings, but I would tone down my appearance to match the event, because the wedding isn’t about me, it’s about the newlyweds.”

“Cat eyeliner and darker lipstick was as far as I’d go usually.” – corvidfamiliar

“Depends on the degree. In a more formal setting, I would say you can get away with your eyeliner and lipstick, but to leave the white foundation out of it.”

“It’s one day for their wedding – I’m sure you can find a compromise.” – MorporkianDisc

“YTA. Ain’t nobody wanna see pictures of you with full goth makeup for their wedding pictures. Once you grow out of that phase you’ll cringe at your past self.”

“Edit: Glad ya’ll came to a healthy resolution!” – Irdgafbra


“Trust me, You really don’t want you parents wedding pictures to be a lasting testament to your blunderyears” – TheRacoonist

“YWBTAH, I understand your thinking, but weddings are generally big, expensive events. Even the photographs are expensive.”

“Whether you intend it or not, you will garner attention and stand out from the rest of the attendees.”

“Yes it’s restricting, but it’s just one day. If it’s any consolation you won’t be alone in wearing (or not wearing) something that makes you uncomfortable.” – WhyCommentQueasy

“Hey @op. It’s takes a lot of strength to admit you were wrong. It’s a commendable trait.”

“It’s one night :p you can rock the Goth thing every day after and if you get hitched, you can Goth the f out of your wedding. high five” – Syndicofberyl


“There’s a lot of dress rules for weddings. You can’t wear white, you can’t wear a t-shirt and shorts, and you probably shouldn’t do your full face in kiss makeup…”

“…that’s going to take attention off of the bride.” – Laniekea

“Of course you can wear your makeup on the wedding day! Just not at the wedding.”

“YTA if you can’t understand the idea of nuance, accommodation, and compromise. It’s their wedding, not yours.”

“If you don’t think you can tone down your intensity for a few hours, don’t be surprised when they invite you to stay home for the wedding.” – baka-tari

“YTA, it is ONE day and yes you can not wear full goth make up for one day. If nothing else tone down the eye make up to more neutral look or not so heavy handed.”

“I am all for expression of oneself but certain events warrants certain looks. And a wedding which is not yours is one of them.” – plaid_8241

“Like many others here a light YTA. Not for being you but for being unwilling to compromise for a single day.”

“If the makeup is something that makes you feel comfortable in a public setting then maybe sit down with your mom and dad and go over looks that WOULD be acceptable for their day.”

“Do a look you’re all comfortable with and involve them in the discussion. Show them you want to work with them and explain to them how the makeup makes you feel.”

“I would also consider who else is going to the wedding and if your full makeup would take attention away from the couple.”

“Accepting as people may be a full-on goth look at a wedding WILL inspire whispers and talk (especially from the older people in attendance)…”

“…and the couple are likely aware of that and would prefer to to not have the focus be on the look of one attendee.” – Tiny_Economist2732

“Not really an AH, but yeah, leave the foundation and stuff at home.”

“My gf and I are goths and have been since high school. The older you get the more you realize the make up is a situational thing.”

“If your parents are being cool with you dressing like that, but cool with the few times they ask you not to.” – OverthinkingThrowway


“Try alternative goth makeup. Have you tried using earth tones in combination with the black eyeliner?”

“If you use earth tones lipstick and use an earth/espresso tone you can actually come off as quite professional looking without taking attention from the bride.”

“Earth tone eye shadow can also make a statement without making you stick out too much.”

“Try checking out corporate goth style. It sounds like it’s exactly what you’re looking for.” – LongjumpingEmu6094

The OP went on to add:

“EDIT: I realize that I am the a**hole.”

“I was a bit self-centered with what I wanted, but I talked with my step-mom, and she said no white foundation, and we could find a look that we both like that I could do.”

“It’s not my day. And there’s a time and place for things. Thank you for your guys’ input :)”

Lots of maturity displayed by this 15-year-old!

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)