For some people, college is an inevitability, for others, it is a luxury.
Not everyone can afford college, even if they take out sizable student loans, which they will likely be paying off for much of their adult life.
While some people are lucky enough to have parents who put money aside to pay for their college education, others work multiple side jobs to save money to afford college tuition.
Redditor throwawaycollegesav was in a reasonably lucky position to have both saved up money of her own from working, as well as having a college fund her parents saved for her.
Unfortunately, just when the time came for the original poster (OP) to start applying for colleges, she learned she wasn't entitled to as much of her college fund as she thought.
And while she pointed out why she thought this arrangement was unfair to her parents, she seemed to be pleading to deaf ears.
Wondering if her anger was justified, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not wanting to share my college fund with my little brother?"
The OP explained how the arrival of her baby brother unexpectedly resulted in her losing a sizable portion of her college fund.
"I (17 F[emale]) am a rising senior at my high school."
"I'm getting ready for the college application season in a couple months and have several schools selected, most of which are various state schools."
"I have a spreadsheet with information on them, including costs of tuition and CoL for students there."
"I have functions on the sheet they show how well I'd be able to afford it using my college savings account that my parents have and my own general savings."
"My parents (40 F) and (41 M[ale]) recently welcomed in my baby brother (1.5 M)."
"I was an only child before."
"I was talking to my mom about college and showed her my spreadsheet."
"Then she told me that I need to adjust it for half of the college savings as they were planning to give my brother half for his college savings."
"I was pretty shocked by this since they have 16+ years to save up for his college, if that's something he'll even want to do."
"I ran the numbers with half the savings and it's not looking good."
"I want to graduate with as little debt as possible and taking away half is pretty damaging to that."
"I tried talking to both of my parents about it but they wouldn't budge."
"My dad said it's their money so it's up to them how they get to spend it and I'm not entitled to it, which I understand."
"They said they're hoping to retire early so they have more time with my brother."
"Funding another college fund would push back their retirement."
"He also said I should just save more money and not waste it (he's upset I bought myself a switch with my paycheck last month)."
"I usually put most of my paycheck into my savings."
"He said I'm a smart girl and they can help me figure it out."
"I still don't think it's fair to lose a good amount of my college funding 15 months away from starting to someone who won't use it for over 15 years."
"AITA for not wanting to split the fund with my brother?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for being annoyed she had to share her college fund with her baby brother.
Everyone agreed that the OP was absolutely right in finding her parent's decision unfair and that they absolutely could save up another fund for when her brother gets to be her age, finding the timing of her parent's decision particularly awful, even if some did acknowledge that her parents weren't wrong that they had the right to do what they wanted with their money.
"I'd say NTA If they started your college fund when you were a baby then they have the same amount of time to do it for him."
"If they don't want to keep putting money away for another 18 years they should have thought about that before having another kid."- throwaway00131326
"NTA."
"It's a real a**hole move on their part to suddenly take away the funding they had promised you all along."
"You made plans based on this promise."
"Tell them you've found a solution and you plan to open an OnlyFans to fund your college."
"It might get them to reconsider."- JimmyGlitters
"NTA."
"Your parents have the right to split any college fund that they own."
"But their plan to split the money 50/50 doesn't make sense."
"If they invest your brother's 'share' of the fund, the money could quadruple by the time he gets to college."
"So, if they take half the fund now and invest it for him, your brother could receive four times more support for college than you."
"If your parents are set on splitting the account, it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to ask for a more fair split."
"Maybe 2/3 for your college and 1/3 invested for your brother."
"Make sure to look into in-state public schools and the scholarships they offer."- teresajs
"NTA."
"Your parents certainly have every right to do what they want with their money, but you're not a bad person for being upset about the situation."
"Just because someone has a right to do something doesn't mean they aren't an AH when they do."
"Had you known 2+ years ago when your parents got pregnant that you'd be giving up half your college fund you could have made different choices."
"Your mind may have been on different schools, factoring in student aid/loans, spending less, working more hours to build more savings etc."
"Instead, they pulled the rug out at the last minute."
"They have the right to do it, but it's still a d*ck move."
"And…let's all be honest with ourselves here."
"It sounds like OP's parents are financially comfortable."
"If they're in a position to have savings to retire early enough to spend time with a new child at 40 yo, then realistically, working an extra 6-12 months would probably equal well more than half that college fund—if they even really need to."
"What's the difference?"
"They (or one of them)retire at 51 instead of 50, sock away enough for both kids to afford school."
"If you're going to provide for one kid, you provide for both."
"You don't take from one to pay for the other just because you can."- Smart-Sometimes
"NTA."
"But sadly your parents are right in this it's their money."
"They get to do what they want with it."
"That's the truth."
"And saying you should save more is such a BS older person thing."
"College is expensive and COL is easily triple to quadruple what your parents paid."
"The reality is you will probably have to take some loans."
"Apply for scholarships and keep applying while in school."
"My brother landed a full scholarship for his last year of school."
"I was able to graduate early by taking a few extra classes and save a fair amount."
"But it is also a okay to be sad and hurt by this."
"Your parents did not set this up well."
"Even if they split it 60/40 - it will grow in 16 years."
"I would ask them if you can split it 70/30 which will allow more to grow."
"And promise that if you have a really good paying job, you'll contribute some to brother."
"Trade less debt now for a maybe in the future."
"Just spitballing."- Innerouterself2
"I'm kinda laughing at them being judgmental about the Switch purchase."
"Oh, please, college is literally thousands of dollars and a Switch is less than $400."
"NTA, your parents lead you to believe that you'd have access to the full fund and then pulled the rug out for under you at the last minute."
"Yes, it is their money, but that doesn't make them not an AH."- Hidden_Dragonette
"NTA."
"And it is their money."
"But your parents clearly let you and your brother down."
"To be frank, you don't retire early by having a second child."
"And they clearly didn't tell you earlier so that you can plan."
"Not sure of your field of study but a few options because this is ALL on you."
"Get your parents to agree that you don't pay rent or provide child care because the options suck up all your time."
"Be nice about the childcare, watch him when you can but they want you out so that they can retire."
"Good luck!"
"And talk to your school counselors too."
"I've done this and a few of my friends did too."
"Good luck!"
"Go to a community college for your pre-requisites."
"And work full time."
"Get your full time job at a large company like a Bank, with a call center."
"Flexible hours and tuition reimbursement."
"They often recruit from community colleges."
"Transfer to a 4 year college and finish up your last 2 years and get your degree still getting tuition reimbursements and grants."
"Dude, apply to everything!"
"You may have a bit of debt but not monster."- Ariesinnc3017
One can at least acknowledge that the OP's parents, hopefully, are not doing this out of malice and just want both their children to have as bright a future as possible.
Nonetheless, it's hard not to sympathize with the OP, as up until a year-and-a-half ago, she thought her college funds were more or less taken care of.
One can only hope that she and her parents come to a solution that not only makes everyone happy but also allows the OP and her brother to attend college without having to worry about money.
















New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.