When a parent faces opposition from their teen daughter who stands her ground over a particular situation, to what extent should that parent acquiesce–despite knowing what’s best for the family?
This is what Redditor Fun_Talk3027, a parent, is grappling with after taking their family on a Disney World vacation.
The Redditor visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for letting our daughter stay home from a vacation to Disney World?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“As parents, we just want to do our best for our kids, especially when it comes to admitting wrongs.”
“My wife and I are the lucky parents of two girls, Sarah (17 Female) and Anna (13 Female) and a boy, Tyler (8 Male).”
“We managed to save enough money to go to Disneyworld for a week. Sarah is currently in the teenager phase of acting like a solider b”eing sent out to war whenever she has to go out with the family, and she refused to go to Disneyworld on the basis of it being a stupid place and not wanting to be away from her friends.”
“My wife and I tried everything – talking to her, showing her pictures of all the fun places, we told her it would be fun and that we wanted her to go but Sarah refused and eventually we agreed to let her stay at her Aunt’s house.”
“The week passed, we came back. Anna showed Sarah a couple of pictures and now Sarah is incredibly angry at her mother and I, she feels betrayed and angry that we let her miss out on a vacation and valuable family time and is angry we didn’t fight harder to make her go.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole here.
“Lmao NTA-looks like Sarah learned a harsh life lesson. You respected her wishes, she doesn’t get to be angry with you.” – RollingKatamari
“Nah, in a few years she’ll post here about how her abusive parents excluded her from a family trip and shipped her off to a cruel relative’s house, only to have the photos of the trip shoved in her face while her golden child sister laughed.”
“And everyone will call them narcissists and tell her to cut them off…and to stop setting herself on fire to keep them warm.”
“It’ll be great.” – Quick_Persimmon_4436
“I am trying so hard to teach my 3 year old this lesson. If you say you don’t want bubbles in your bath, then you get a normal bath and you have to live with it.”
“I would sit her down for a come to jesus conversation and tell her that she is old enough now to take responsibility for her own actions. If you say something people will take you at your word, not read your mind. You have to decide if you want to partake in family activities, but you are responsible for the decisions you make.”
“I would also stop putting up with the attitude. If she’s gonna ruin everyone’s time she is old enough not to come.” – Music_withRocks_In
“NTA. From one freshly 18 year old girl to another teenage girl’s parents? Your kid wanted a free house. Everything she thought she could get away with while you were gone, she couldn’t because she was at her Aunt’s, or because she made specific plans and they got cancelled.”
“So now, she’s mad that not only did she miss out on a free house or those plans that may have been cancelled, but she also missed out on a fun vacation for in the end… nothing.”
“She’s mad at herself and now she’s projecting that blame onto you. I’ve seen my peers do it a million times. If that’s not the case, then she put up a fight over going on your trip so that you would ‘fight for her’ and is mad that you couldn’t read her mind.”
“There was a post on here the other day where a girl fought relentlessly over not celebrating her birthday (even though her parents still surprised her with the back up cake and a gift they had waiting in case she changed her mind) and then got mad that they didn’t plan some massive amazing surprise for her.”
“FELLOW TEENAGE GIRLS, if I can’t read your mind, your parents DEFINITELY can’t.” – Jenna_Doman
“NTA – Considering she is a teenage girl, you could probably use this as a great example of consent and how no means no. She said ‘no’, so it would have been inappropriate of you to push, coerce, fight, or force her into going.” – s4intdominic
“Regular teenage stress (DON’T tell her this, please just empathize and try to get along….). I was the same way!!! Told my parents how much I didn’t want to be around them, then told them how upset I was to have missed out on trips with them. 100% in line with a typical teen.”
“She said she didn’t want to go. You showed her the cool stuff she’d miss, and you tried to convince her.”
“Then you did her a solid by not making her go.”
“She made a steadfast choice, and now she is experiencing the MOST minimal of consequences (teenage FOMO).”
“She’ll be fine. She’ll be mad for a while. But she’ll get over it. Offer to take her on your next trip.” – Liigiia
“NTA- she pushed you and you just followed her wishes. May sound awful but it’s a lesson learned to her. Personally (I have a 4 month old and am dreading his teenage years to come) I’d be insisting she come no argument and she can sulk when she’s there, but on the other side, you’ve shown her respect and the expectation she’ll behave like an adult by following her request.”
“She opted out and you obliged. It’s her own fault she missed out.”
“Also to whoever said the whole family shouldn’t have gone needs a serious reality check as it’s so expensive; if they have money like that to waste and see no problem in disappointing the other children in the family then they’re the AH.” – ASmallThing94
“A few years back I planned a family trip to Italy. It was a year of planning, and I had involved my girlfriend and my 2 boys, 15(m) and 17(m) in the planning. We even chose a medieval castle to stay in near Rome.”
“Then Christmas rolls around and my 15 year old announces that he didn’t want to go. My 17 year old was also expressing dissatisfaction with the idea.”
“You see, they were all gung-ho for the vacation in November, but in December they had both gotten girlfriends. They didn’t want to leave their new girlfriends at the blossoming start of their brand new relationships.”
“But I had already purchased the tickets and rented the apartments by the end of November, so the vacation was still on.”
“We arrived in Rome and it was a disaster. The boys sulked and pouted their way across Italy. The restored castle with the gorgeous historical appointments that we had rented? The walls were stone (of course), which gave bad wifi reception. The Colosseum? Too much walking. Venice? Stinky and confusing.”
“They hated every minute of it. Pouting, sulking, noses buried in their cellphones so they could complain to their girlfriends back home. Refusing to leave the apartment.”
“It got so bad that at one point I threatened to send them back home early while I and my girlfriend continued on the trip. And they thought that was a wonderful idea. I even called the airline, but couldn’t arrange last minute tickets without a 2 day layover.”
“It was our last family vacation. Here they were surrounded by history, beauty and culture and they hated every minute of it.”
“So I guess what I’m saying here OP is NTA. And count yourself lucky that you weren’t dragging along a whiny petulant teenager with you. She would have ruined it for everybody.”
“PS: 2 years before this we took the kids with us to a Mexican vacation in Playa del Carmen and they loved it. But they were younger then and didn’t have girlfriends that they missed. I also took them to Disney 2 years before than and we all had a good time. Also, I’m not rich. Playa del Carmen and Disney we could only afford because we borrowed my parent’s timeshare, and I got free Disney tickets thanks to some volunteer work that I did. Rome was mostly paid for by points.” – KnoWanUKnow2
“NTA, and good parenting.”
“Sounds like Sarah is under the impression other people are responsible for forcing her to do what’s good for her. She’s close to being an adult and having that attitude as an adult not only will cause her to miss opportunities, it will also invite predatory and controlling partners.”
“You’ve taught your daughter a very valuable lesson that a 17 year old girl definitely needs to learn before she’s off in the world alone. I’m sure if you forced her to go she would have maybe had fun, but I assure you the lessons she learned with this are infinitely more valuable than the memories she would have had.” – Oishiio42
Overall, Redditors said the OP did everything right by showing the teenager beforehand the fun she would be missing out on and still respected her wishes when she still refused to join the family.
Maybe next time, she will go along on a future Disney trip with the famimly, if there is to be one.