As the saying goes, "It doesn't matter if you win or lose; it's how you play the game."
Indeed, there are those who truly don't care when they lose, be it a board game or a sporting event, as it's their love of doing it that gives them pleasure.
For others, however, winning is truly everything, and chances are, whether they win or lose, they are bound to be sore when the game concludes.
Redditor TamashiiSoul was excited to see that a tournament of one of his favorite pastimes was being held in his town, with a sizable cash prize for the winner.
The original poster (OP) proved to do quite well in the tournament, winning round after round.
However, one of his competitors did not appreciate the OP's competitive nature, eventually finding himself being scolded for not throwing one of his games.
Wondering if he was in the wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not letting her son beat me in a tournament for $500"
The OP explained why he was scolded for doing well in a recent tournament and why he wasn't willing to throw a game:
I (16 M[ale]) play and take fighting games seriously, and I wanted to try and play in a cash tournament for $500."
"Where I am, there are no big events where I live like EVO, so when I saw there was a fighting game tournament where I live, I had to sign up."
"When I got there there was little about 30 people in this gaming store so the owner of the store had to make more rules like each player has to run a set of 5 to make it longer and more fun."
"For people that doesn't know a set is when to players keep on playing until they lose or win and they have the chance to fight them again."
"Then the event started I was doing good on the first half of the event winning most of my games."
"Then I made it to the quarterfinals and that's when I ran into the kid."
"His mom was right next him because he looked really young around 10-12 but I didn't mind it at all."
"The first game started and I could clearly tell he doesn't know what he is doing."
"He was jumping every time he could to move and to fight so I started to counter him every time we he jumped towards me and I could tell that he was getting mad because he started to hit his buttons even harder like it will make the character hit harder."
"After the whole set I one of course and he didn't take the lost to well because he started crying and making a scene in front of everyone and his mom started to yell at me saying 'why didn't you let my son win the game!'"
"And I had to tell her that 'I wasn't gonna let him win and beat me because it was a tournament and it was for $500'."
"It got broken up quickly because of the owner stepping in to break up the mother that was all in my face."
"But the kid didn't stop he just kept on yelling and almost broke the controller that the store owner let him borrow and it's not like some basic PS5 controller is was a razor kitsune and that's not cheap (around $300 - $330) but some guy that was also playing took it out of the kids hand."
"The owner took the mother and the kid out the store and we just continued where we left off like that whole thing never happen."
"So I'm wondering AITA for not letting him win and enjoy his first ever tournament or did I do the right thing?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for not letting the child win at least one game.
Everyone agreed that the OP was under no obligation to throw a game in a tournament for which there was a cash prize and that the boy's mother was very irresponsible for allowing her son to enter the tournament knowing how he would react if he lost.
"NTA."
"He will learn from this."
"Also how the hell did he make it to the quarter-final if he was that bad?"- Sea-Eye-178
"NTA."
"The mother should be banned from the store for that episode, it's easy to see why the kid is like that."
"When playing for money, you don't 'let' people win - particularly people who are poor sports."-JsCTmav
"NTA."
"You're not in the wrong here."
"It's not your fault that the kid didn't know how to handle losing."
"Competitive gaming is just that - competitive."
"You signed up for the tournament to win, not to make sure some kid has a good time."
"It's not like you were playing against a toddler who didn't know any better - this kid was old enough to understand the rules and the consequences of losing."
"It's understandable that the kid was upset, but his reaction was over the top and unacceptable."
"And his mom shouldn't have enabled his behavior by yelling at you for winning."
"That's not how the real world works."
"In a tournament, you play to win."
"That's the whole point."
"You didn't cheat or do anything unethical - you just played the game better than the kid did."
"It's not your job to make sure everyone else is having fun."
"Don't feel guilty for winning."
"You did nothing wrong."
"The kid and his mom need to learn how to handle defeat with grace and maturity."- HannahHeartz
"NTA."
"Take the L and leave, kid."
"Imo, I'm more than willing to throw a match to a child or something."
"But for a TOURNAMENT for 500$?"
"Nah I'm destroying this kid."- Lechonkersgobonkers
"NTA."
"You're never obligated to throw a competition."
"Learning to lose with grace is an important lesson."- Thermicthermos
"NTA at all."
"You were playing in a tournament with money on the line."
"The mom was trying to bully you into losing so her precious son would win OR she would get the prize money OR both."- KronkLaSworda
"NTA."
"Letting a kid have a win at home is one thing (although, if the kid is 10-12 I would consider not holding back unless they were new to the game)."
"Tournament is a whole other beast, especially if there's money involved."- seregil42
"NTA."
"If it was casual play, and the mom was cute, then do whatever you want, throw the game, whatever."
"But for a competitive tournament, that would be ridiculous."
"Both the child and the mother should have set expectations that it is competitive, he might lose."
"Even if you took it easy on him the very next player at the very next tournament might not do so, so better just rip that Band-Aid now."- GillianSeed85
"NTA."
"When you are playing casually, you adjust your play style to make it fun for everyone involved - so dialling it back and giving him a chance would be understandable."
"When you are playing for money, you play to win."- Nrysis
"You did the kid a service."
"Everyone needs to taste defeat at some point."
"It'll teach him about himself and makes winning all that much sweeter."
"NTA."- No_Excuse1639
"NTA, you're trying to win a prize in a competitive tournament, it's just plainly absurd that you would willingly throw one of the matches."
"Is she going to give you the $500 dollars if her kid wins the tournament?"
"Nah, of course she isn't."
"Think about it, mate, she got thrown out along with her stroppy little brat."
"The owner intervened."
"Another player intervened."
"You remained, and the woman and her kid left."
"Why would any of this leave you to wonder if you were in the wrong at all?"- Specific-Street-8441
"NTA."
"It's sh*t parenting when she refuses to teach her kid how to lose."
"Good luck getting into the real world without mommy protecting him."
"Probably end up quitting everything he tries because he can't hack losing and becoming a deadbeat."
'Not his fault, blame it on sh*t parenting."- SuperLeverage
'NTA, it is a competitive tournament and the assumption is everyone is trying to win."
"He needs to learn that sometimes you lose games, and winning is not guaranteed."
"I do wonder though, did you win the tournament?"- hoenndex
Had this been a friendly game at the OP's house, it's somewhat understandable that the boy's mother might have expected the OP to throw a game or two.
However, assuming people would let her son win when a $500 prize was involved was wishful thinking to the point of ludicrous.
Then, too, as many people pointed out, this boy needed to learn that he will not always win, and it would have been infinitely more valuable for her to teach her son how to be a good sport rather than complain to the OP for winning fair and square.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp