Whether people want to believe in them or not, food allergies and intolerances are incredibly serious, and disregarding them can lead to complications, illness, and even death.
But when people are more concerned about keeping up appearances than anything else, safety precautions might go out the window, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Safe-Pie-7485 had been cautioned against a peanut allergy since they were young, and while they’d taken safety precautions to not become ill, their family didn’t make the same observations.
So when a wedding came around, the Original Poster (OP) was pressured to eat the celebratory cake, even though it might have their allergen in it.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for not wanting to eat my godfather’s and his wife’s wedding cake?”
The OP had a peanut allergy.
“I (18) have been allergic to peanuts since I was a little kid.”
“When I was about 12 years old, I accidentally ate peanuts. Nothing bad happened to me, thankfully.”
“But my allergy got worse, and if I ever eat one again, I could go into anaphylactic shock and possibly die.”
The OP hesitated to eat at their godfather’s wedding.
“A week ago, my godfather got married, and it was time to eat the cake.”
“However, when I got my plate, some things looked suspiciously like peanuts.”
“So I asked, ‘Uh… Does it have peanuts?'”
“To which my godfather replied, ‘I don’t know.'”
“I didn’t want to risk it, so I refused to eat it.”
The family was angry about the OP’s caution.
“My grandmother got p**sed. She said I’m an a**hole who’s trying to ruin my godfather’s wedding because I hate him.”
“(Backstory, he stopped contacting me when I was 10. He called me once and he seemed drunk and was saying incomprehensible stuff. He messaged my sister for her birthday last year but didn’t for mine, ever.)”
“My mother seemed to agree with her, and two of my aunts also agreed and told me I should eat it to make my godfather happy.”
The OP and their mother argued about it later.
“My mother told me at the end of the night that I should have just eaten a piece, waited, and if I went into anaphylactic shock, they would just bring me to hospital, and everything would have been fine.”
“But no, I don’t have an EpiPen for a quick response. But she is kind of right, I didn’t really know what would happen.”
“Was I being unreasonable? AITA?”
After receiving early feedback, the OP stood up for their mom and shared an update.
“After seeing the comments about how horrible my mother is, I showed my mother what an anaphylactic reaction/shock was.”
“She was horrified. She kept on apologizing to me, saying she never wanted to anything this bad to happen to me, and that she thought that I would just get some redness around my throat.”
“She is not a bad person. She is misinformed but not horrible.”
There also seemed to be some miscommunication about the OP’s allergy.
“A lot of people seem confused as to how I knew I was allergic, but my mom didn’t know what an anaphylactic reaction was.”
“I knew I was allergic when I got to the doctor to get tested. I got tested again at 12 years old.”
“My doctor told me that they thought my allergy could be dangerous, but they weren’t sure, so they didn’t give me a prescription. (In hindsight, this doctor wasn’t the best.)”
“I guess my mother didn’t register that it could be dangerous based on what my doctor told us. (I can’t know for sure, I’m not in her mind.)”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t understand why the OP’s own mother wouldn’t take an allergy seriously.
“How does a mother of a child with a peanut allergy not know how bad anaphylaxis is?!”
“Also…she did know it was bad enough that she would have to take you to the hospital, and she still wanted you to eat that cake.”
“I just can’t convince myself that she’s just uninformed.” – probably_soulless
“I know you say she’s simply uninformed, but it’s common sense that eating something you’re allergic to is bad.”
“Even if it was just something mild, she would still prefer you to be uncomfortable for the sake of some a**hole you barely know. That’s extremely selfish of her and not fair to you.” – AllyMarie93
“The edit is such bulls**t. His mother has had an allergic child for years and DOESN’T KNOW WHAT ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK IS? She’s either an id**t or lying.” – Jjustingraham
“I just came back from the hospital on Monday after an anaphylactic episode. You NEVER EVER mess with anaphylactic episodes and what triggers them.”
“I am restraining myself not to say my true feelings about OPs family because I’ll definitely get banned if I do.” – curlyhair_browneyed
“OP knew it when was 12, at least, and that’s when it got worse, so how didn’t the mother know?”
“When my daughter was about 5 months old, she had a reaction to cashew nuts, simply by being kissed by the mother after she ate a few.”
“After going to the hospital and being assured that it was a mild allergic reaction, I spent days on the Internet trying to find out everything I could about it, and even checking any products that could have them. Also no more cashews in the house…” – Specialist-Leek-6927
“Is your mother… slow? Not very smart? I have to ask because this whole situation is so strange and dangerous. Unless your mother and other family members are a bit stupid to start with, it’s hard to believe.” – cat_o_meter
“You WILL have an accident at some point. That isn’t the issue. Have an accident without an epi-pen, though, and it could be a deadly mistake. You should not be anywhere without a set of epi-pens.” – TunaNoodleCasserole1
Others also wondered why the family was so fixated on the OP eating the cake.
“NTA, and your family is f**king insane. If their wedding could be ruined by one person not eating a slice of cake out of fear, then it wasn’t a good wedding to begin with.”
“I almost feel like this is fake because what mother would advise their child to put themself at serious risk just to please their godfather over something that shouldn’t bother him anyway?” – Masta-Blasta
“After the cake: ‘OP’s fine, just get them some water.'”
“Later in hysterics at the morgue: ‘I have NOOO IDEAAAAA what could have POSSIBLY happened!!!!'” – Weird-Roll6265
“So not eating cake is a major affront, but nearly dying is just fine?”
“Hmmm, which one creates a bigger problem… (ends sarcastic comment)” – mortgage_gurl
“Not eating a piece of cake is a pretty low bar too. It’s not like OP was demanding that no one eat the cake. OP’s grandparents getting mad at this is so odd.” – waterorsharks
“NTA. Holy flipping freak, your own mother, among many others, said you should risk your own death just to make some semi-relative happy at their wedding?”
“You can’t even trust people like that to get you to the hospital if you did go into anaphylactic shock!”
“The OP would have eaten the cake, and then it would have been, ‘OP knew they were allergic and deliberately poisoned themselves at my wedding to take all the attention away from the bride’ or some other such self-entitled f**kery.” – Far_Anteater_256
“If I get married, I am sending out food allergy cards to be filled out and returned when I send the ‘save the date’ cards. So I know what people are allergic to and can accommodate the best I can.”
“I personally have a rare food allergy (cumin, they actually don’t even have an allergy test for it), so I know how terrifying it can be to chance to eat and praying you don’t have a reaction.” – ScarlettSparrow
“Call me crazy, but at my wedding, I didn’t give a flying f**k what people ate or didn’t eat. I was too busy focused on having fun, spending time with friends and family, and being excited about my future.”
“I just don’t get how so many people can be so interested in micromanaging others’ behaviors. How can anyone let a spoonful of cake not just ruin a wedding, but even become a discussion?!?” – wildcat12321