Redditor NothingThick4824 will soon become a legal adult, and in anticipation, he recently learned that he will be receiving an inheritance from his late mother.
The Original Poster (OP) lost his mom at age 7, and unbeknownst to him until recently before she passed away, she set aside a healthy sum of money.
Moreover, the OP's maternal grandparents have been adding to this sum throughout his life.
Recently the OP's grandparents informed him of this inheritance, assuaging some of the fears that come with opening a new chapter in life.
The inheritance comes up in a conversation with his dad, and this is where the drama begins to unfold.
The OP's father remarried, gaining the OP a stepsister and a half-brother.
When the OP's dad learned of the money, he encouraged him to split it among his siblings. The OP refused, and tension broke out.
This drove the OP to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA).
He asked:
"AITA for refusing to share money I will be given/have access to at 18 with my stepsister and half brother?"
He went on to explain:
"I [17-year-old Male] will be coming into a large amount of money when I turn 18."
"This is money that my mom, who died when I was 7, and my maternal grandparents accumulated for me since I was born. I won't say the exact amount but it's between $500k and $1million."
"The reason it's that much is my grandparents ran a successful business for many years and they sold it 18 months ago and all money from that sale went to me. They kept none of it."
"My grandparents have control over all of it currently. Before my mom died she left them in charge of the account where she was saving."
"She was married to my dad at the time but had wanted to secure my future in case anything happened, like dad remarrying and having additional kids."
"She didn't want to run the risk that once she was gone her money could be used for someone who wasn't her kid."
"My dad knew some money had been saved for me by mom but was never aware of how much or little it was. He also had no idea my grandparents continued saving for me."
"My grandparents told me about the money over a year ago. They wanted me to prepare for my future and to know I would have so many options because of the money available to me."
"They also mentioned it never bringing back my mom but could alleviate the burden of becoming an adult."
"So here's the deal. My dad did remarry. He has a stepdaughter (16) and a son (5) with his current wife."
"They are not wealthy and my dad's wife has prepared her daughter to try and work hard for scholarships and financial aid to get into college..."
"...because she wants to study to become a lawyer, I think."
"My dad had similar conversations with me and had sat me down a few times since I learned of the money's existence to figure out what our plans would be."
"Eventually, I told him it wasn't going to be a big concern, and I told him about the money."
"He was like, wtf, and then he told his wife, and they apparently went wtf together and told me I could be gracious and split the money when I get it..."
"...between the three of us and give the other two a chance to have a decent helping hand with college."
"I told them I would not be sharing it because it was created by my family, not theirs."
"Dad's wife argued that it would be incredibly selfish to take such a large amount of money and spend it all on myself when I have two siblings who could also benefit greatly from it."
"My dad told me even giving some of it to them, not a full split, but some money, money I have left at the end, would be amazing and would help my family out a lot. I told him I wasn't going to."
"They are SO not happy with me. They told me that being selfish with this is not a good way to be."
"My dad is also pissed that he continued saving for me and dividing things equally between the three of us when I have so much I'll have access to in a few months."
"AITA?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
"NTA Their reaction is exactly why your mom set it up how she did!"
"She knew your dad and well enough to know the money would not be yours and used for children that are not hers." - Artistic_Tough5005
"NTA. For future reference, DON'T TELL ANYBODY ELSE ABOUT YOUR MONEY !!!" - Outrageous_Shoe_1450
"NTA"
"Your mum and Grandparents saved this money to prepare you for life. It will get you through university and beyond."
"Your Step mum should have made provisions for her children. It is not up to you to provide for them."
"Stick to your Guns and lead the life your Mum wanted for you." - Successful_Bath1200
"NTA."
"Your situation is what your late mother guarded against by leaving it to your maternal grandparents to manage the money. She foresaw it happening."
"You are not obliged to help your step-siblings at all."
"You are not selfish at all."
"Now the cat is out of the bag, let your dad know that YOUR MOTHER FORESAW WHAT HE WILL DO."
"Wait no no..Get your maternal grandparents to tell it to his face that they are acting as the controllers. This should get him to back off."
"Money is always needed, and there's never enough to go around."
"500k to a million is not enough to last you a whole lifetime at the current inflation rate but it's enough to give you a very good head start planning your future into a comfortable retirement..."
"...or for any emergency." - sarpofun
"NTA but ask your grandparents to put it in a trust until you are 25 and definitely out of your father's house."
"The trust can pay for college and give you an allowance for other things but have them or someone other trustee sign off on it so your Dad can't access it."
"As you are only 17 he might try to take control. Have your grandparents take away that ability." - shanna811
"'incredibly selfish to take such a large amount of money and blow it all on myself'"
"You aren't 'blowing' your money. He seems to have the idea that this money would be wasted if it's not spent on your stepsister and half-brother."
"And your brother is FIVE. Plenty of time for his parents to save for him. NTA" - bythebrook88
"NTA and your dad is an A H for asking you to. I do get that he's upset that he saved for you in addition, though..."
"...so I would understand if the money he saved up for you went to his other children instead, even if you're entitled to 1/3."
"I believe this is something your grandparents and your dad need to discuss. It's not something a 17 yo should deal with alone."
"But the money after your mom is yours, not theirs, and they have no right to it." - tric82
"NTA. The money was for YOU."
"If your stepmother keeps bothering you and you don't care about going nuclear, tell her that to make it fair, she needs to leave all her money to her kids and drop dead. Then you'll all be equal."
"Edit: also, tell your maternal grandparents ASAP about the pressure they're putting on you. Tell the grandparents that you DO NOT AND WILL NOT consent to sharing a dime."
"This will prevent your father from lying to them and saying you totally agreed to divvy up the money." - Cat1832
"NTA. It's not your responsibility to financially provide for your siblings' college education. That job belongs to their parents."
"Your mom and grandparents did this to set you up for your future and your dad is a massive AH for even considering asking you share." - pinkbutterfly87
"Here we go again. Hell no, not sharing. You are not selfish."
"You are not dad and married to new wife with 2 kids. You can choose to leave home and avoid the BS. Go to Uni and enjoy life."
"But be careful with spending. Money is a very toxic topic as you learned. Do NOT show off, bad people will come to you."
"NTA. Your money is not bringing luck to the stepkids. They need to learn the value of money." - Ornery-Calendar-2769
"NTA. Talk to a financial advisor and your grandparents about being able to set yourself up before you have full access to your money so that you can not be pressured into giving any away."
"As someone else said above, do not tell anyone else about your inheritance while your mother and grandparents have given you a great start..."
"...without the proper planning, it will be gone very quickly if you do not have a plan."
"Sorry for your loss, and please use this opportunity to set up your future." - lurninandlurkin
Definitely NTA.
What do you think of how his parents reacted to the funds? Let us know in the comments below.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.