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Teen Refuses To Visit Disabled Stepsister In Hospital Because She ‘Low Key Hates Her’

Teen girl sitting on bed in hospital
d76 masahiroikeda/Getty Images

Forming a family dynamic is hard.

After divorce or death, blending loved ones take finesse.

Not everyone is going to get along or want to fall in line.

And that can be for a myriad of reasons.

Case in point…

Redditor mystepsisterisspecia wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA because I refuse to go and visit my special needs stepsister in hospital even though she’s very sick? I low key hate her.”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I’m 15 years old.”

“I have a stepsister who is a couple years older than me and she is really seriously disabled.”

“I’m not sure what’s wrong with her because no one ever wants to discuss it with me, but she’s nonverbal, breaks her bones a lot, and has severe epilepsy and will have many fitting episodes.”

“She also doesn’t understand stuff.”

“That’s probably the easiest way to put it.”

“She’s just a human body with nothing inside.”

“She’s my stepmom’s daughter.”

“My stepmom married my dad 3 years ago and they dated only for a year before that.”

“I don’t know my stepmom very well and I don’t really get on with her.”

“We are respectful to each other but I’m basically living with strangers because she’s so busy with her daughter and my dad.”

“I am always on my own and I used to hate it, but I’m used to it now.”

“Ever since they moved in to live with us life changed drastically for me because all the care now revolves around my stepsister.”

“That’s fine, I get it, but both my stepmom and my dad ask me to do things for my stepsister that I don’t want to do and I resent doing.”

“Stuff like staying home when I want to go to the mall with my friends, they’re disappointed that I don’t get her anything for her birthday with my very limited funds, etc.”

“My own mom passed away when I was small so I can’t go and stay anywhere else and all in all I’m just a lot angrier than I used to be because they seem really disappointed whenever I say I don’t want to do anything for her.”

“Even stuff like feeding her- like- I don’t want to sit there feeding her banana pudding and wiping her drool.”

“I didn’t ask for this.”

“Anyway, she recently fell a few days ago and had a seizure for 8 minutes.”

“She was taken to hospital and the doctors want to keep her in and look after her.”

“I don’t want to go and visit her.”

“I remember seeing my mom in hospital before she died and I just hate hospitals and I sort of hate my stepsister and I just don’t want to go and visit someone who doesn’t even know I’m there.”

“My stepmom is really upset with me and so is my dad.”

“They haven’t yelled at me or anything but they are both being super cold towards me because I don’t want to visit.”

“My grandma who lives in Canada called me up out the blue and told me it was okay.”

“And I don’t need to force myself to go to the hospital so I’m assuming my dad has told her I’m refusing to go.”

“He keeps pleading with me but I keep telling him I’m not doing it.”

“I told him hospitals remind me of mom and he got even more upset and said my stepsister might die and I need to stop being so selfish towards my stepmom.”

“I just want to know what Reddit thinks because half my friends think I should go and the other half think I’m justified in saying no.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“I’m a mom, and I wish I could give you a motherly hug right now.”

“You’re a strong, brave person who has had to deal with much more than you should have.”

“Your dad and stepmom don’t seem to see you as a person with their own needs and issues.”

“Your stepsister is a giant set of issues that you did not volunteer to take on at your young age.” ~ thumb_of_justice

“Crazy how many adults don’t understand how kids are different than them, right?”

“They like to talk about ‘how they used to do things’ but forget they had parents there for them, unlike OP here.”

“You mentioned ‘adult logic’ and I think that’s what the problem here is.”

“They don’t see OP as a growing child they still need to care for, but another set of hands for someone they deem ‘more urgent’ to care for.”

“That always seems to happen.”

“You were spot on about the ‘I didn’t ask for this’ part, because the Dad literally asked for it by marrying her.”

“And the Stepmom could always, as awful as it sounds, have given her child to other places that could care for her. They exist.”

“Both of them had options.”

“Really, the only person justified in saying they didn’t ask for anything is OP.”

“I’d suggest talking to your dad, OP.”

“Tell him what most people here are suggesting about explaining how you truly feel, and how you truly feel about your stepsister (and hospitals).”

“Most times, adults come off as jerks because they just don’t have the information you assume they have.”

“If they really aren’t jerks, they’ll change after you inform them.”

“If not, well, you still have your grandma.”

“And only 3 more years.”

“Just remember though, they most likely aren’t having a great time either.”

“They may try to use that as a reasoning point, but they shouldn’t use it as a reason to have you join in their suffering.”

“Just doesn’t make any sense.”

“I’d understand if your stepsister was your actual sister, but you’re technically right that these people are basically strangers you suddenly have to live with.”

“Kinda upsetting your dad doesn’t get that.”  ~ SomeStupidPerson

“NAH. You’re right, you didn’t ask for this, you’re not your sister’s carer, and having lost your mom you’re understandably uneasy around hospitals.”

“But please rethink the idea that ‘she’s just a human body with nothing inside.'”

“People with disabilities are still people.”

“And while I don’t think you should be the one feeding her, it does seem strange that you don’t give her birthday gifts.”

“Even something small would be a kind gesture.”

“You’re in a really difficult situation, and I sympathise, but there has to be a middle ground between being her carer and rejecting her altogether.” ~ WebbieVanderquack

“NTA. You sound like an average teenager who has had a lot of life experiences early on.”

“If going to the hospital upsets you, don’t go.”

“And don’t be afraid to tell your dad what you need, which is his undivided attention for a minute!”

“If you’re in school, talk to a counselor or teacher, or ask to be referred to therapy.”

“You have a real asset in your grandma.”

“Call her and talk with her often.”

“She may be a good way to get through to your dad.”

“Hang in there.”

“I’m sorry life is tough right now.”  ~ vlsewell

OP came back with a response…

“Thank you, this is so sweet and so are a lot of the comments.”

“I can’t lie I’m ugly crying right now.”

“I needed something uplifting and I defo didn’t think it was going to be from this post but you’ve just helped move a lot of grief inside me so thank you.”

Reddit continued…

“It sounds like we’re not talking about someone who is just disabled here, but someone who is essentially a vegetable.”

“She is probably unable to understand or feel anything, and won’t even know OP is there for her.”

“It’s not the same situation as, say, someone who is severely autistic.”

“OP’s parents are asking OP to do something pointless even though it hurts OP.”

“They are not doing this for OP or OP’s stepsister, they are doing it for themselves.”

“They are being selfish here, and were before when they constantly neglected OP’s needs.”

“This is a clear NTA situation, not NAH.”  ~ visvis

“NTA. I completely disagree with the notion you should be there as support for your dad and stepmom.”

“You are a child.”

“It’s not your role to be their support system (although in a healthy dynamic this will shift as you get older).”

“As far as how you feel about your stepsister- I completely understand why you haven’t formed a bond with her and feel like you can’t.”

“It’s completely reasonable.”

“I do think you should find a different way to verbalize it- saying you have no bond with her is different than saying she’s just nothing and it’s less offensive to people.”  ~ adelitatennessee

“NTA at all.”

“I hate situations like this where everyone is getting a bad deal and the other kid/s get forgotten.”

“You may have to pull your dad to the side and talk to him about how you’re feeling forgotten.”  ~ geegeepark

“NTA for not wanting to go visit or be responsible for your stepsister’s care/wellbeing.”

“That’s just not an appropriate responsibility to ask a 15-year-old to take on, and it makes sense you have a lot of issues around hospitals because of your mom.”

“Sounds like you have a ton of (very understandable) resentment around your situation which makes a lot of sense.”

“Especially since you didn’t choose it, and you don’t feel any real connection with your stepmom or stepsister.”

“That said, you are slightly TA for how you describe your stepsister, and for ‘hating’ her — she is a person, albeit one with a ton of challenges who can’t interact in a typical way.”

“It’s not her fault those challenges make your life so difficult.”  ~ emz272

Well OP, Reddit is with you.

Sounds like everyone wants you to do what makes you comfortable.

Stay calm and be strong.