As much as we would like to imagine all family members getting along perfectly and enjoying events together, there are situations where certain family members can’t work well together.
And that certainly includes involvement in wedding parties, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Aquarius0215 wanted to be a part of her brother’s special day, but she was especially excited about being one of the bridesmaids.
But when she couldn’t find a dress that suited her, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked by how the bride talked about her future in the wedding party.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for ‘ruining my brother’s new wife’s wedding’?”
The OP was excited her brother was getting married.
“I am a freshly 18-year-old female. My brother is 26 years old.”
“He and his fiancée have been together for almost four or five years and they obviously are about to get married. She is one year younger than him just for context.”
“My brother popped the question, she said yes, and then the wedding preparations started.”
“I was so excited because I don’t have any sisters, only two brothers, and I’m also the youngest.”
“So my brother asked our half-brother (30 years old) to be in his wedding and also his future wife’s brother (16 years old) to be the best man and groomsman.”
“I just wanted to be the flower girl, but they said I was too old… so instead, his fiancée said I could be a bridesmaid, which I was really excited about.”
“Just for context, before the wedding, we got along well, and I kinda liked her. She was pretty nice to me but just didn’t really talk to me.”
The OP wanted to find the perfect dress for the wedding.
“So my mom, the bride, her two other bridesmaids, and I went to the dress shop to look for dresses. She said her only requirement for the dresses was that it has to be red and flowy.”
“I, by nature, have body image problems, so finding a dress to compliment my body was gonna be hard, but I was gonna do my best to find one that I liked within her color scheme.”
“We went to three different shops, and each time, we all went, plus the bride’s mom.”
“At the third shop, I kept trying dresses on and simply kept trying to find one that fit me (also never being rude or giving up; I just nicely politely said I didn’t like it).”
The bride was ready for the dress shopping to be over.
“I’m on like the fifth dress when all of a sudden, the bride started screaming at me, saying, ‘Why are you trying to ruin my wedding? What’s wrong with you?’ Etc…”
“I start crying, and then HER MOM started screaming at me, saying, ‘Why would you make my daughter cry?’ Etc…”
“My mom went outside to talk to them, and then the bride cussed my mom out, and her mom cussed her out…”
“Then I found out later they did not want me in the wedding, to begin with; they invited me in because they both wanted their brothers to be in it but not me…”
“AITA for ‘ruining her wedding’?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some encouraged the OP to drop out of the bridal party as soon as possible.
“NTA. She ruined it herself with the help of her mom. Count yourself lucky that you got out of the bridal party early.” – namesaretoohardforme
“You’d do well to get out of this, OP. You’ll have other opportunities to be a bridesmaid (and honestly, it’s not that much fun). NTA.” – Competitive-Way7780
“Since OP and her mom pushed to make her a BM, I can see how all this would frustrate a bride. If I had a plan for my BM dresses that worked for the friends and family I chose, and then someone I did NOT choose pops up with issues that mess up my plans (and I didn’t even want her in the party), I would be very irritated.”
“BUT she still shouldn’t have blown up. But it sounds like the blow-up was more over being forced by ‘family pressure’ to add her and then watching her plans for her BMs falling apart before her eyes.”
“It sounds like OP was the ONLY one who hadn’t found a dress. And given she wanted to be the flower girl at first (lol wtf), I can understand the bride wanting to approve the dress she got.”
“I wish they’d just let OP back out and do a reading instead.” – phoenics1908
“OP is 18, and clearly an immature 18 at that (ex: wanting to be a flower girl, which is usually done by a much younger child). OP is being fussy about the dresses she’s actually trying on. What if she finds a dress online, it gets okayed, it arrives, and then oops, I don’t like this one either?”
“The online route may be feasible for sensible adults, but it doesn’t really seem like that’s OP. The bride shouldn’t have to stress indefinitely over one high-maintenance bridesmaid. Weddings are stressful enough as is.”
“OP doesn’t seem to understand the day is not about her whatsoever. If she can’t figure it out, and suck it up if she can’t find a dress like everyone else, then she just needs to bow out of the wedding party.” – WhiteyVulgar1207
“What 18-year-old thinks she can be a flower girl? That’s for children.”
“OP also said something like, ‘I kind of liked her’ when describing the bride-to-be. Reading this post sounded like it was written by a 10-year-old.”
“I think there’s a reason that she was only asked to be a bridesmaid when she said she wanted to be a flower girl. The bride didn’t want her for a reason. She sounds like a handful.”
“I think the Bride finally snapped, and there’s more to it. OP is possibly leaving info out and isn’t even aware of it.”
“OP, YTA. Clearly, she pushed her way into being in the wedding party and made the bridesmaid dress shopping all about herself.” – LyricallyDevine
Others worried that the OP was making this intentionally stressful for the bride.
“I will counter with this: I don’t think the bride handled the situation well, but the OP pushed to be in the wedding. Then proceeded to make dress shopping all about her and stressful. That’s a lot of shops and a lot of dresses.”
“OP is the perfect example of why brides hand the bridesmaids a dress and say suck it up and wear this!” – gramsknows
“YTA. She tried on five dresses at the third shop. Plus… however many she tried on at the first two shops. That seems exhausting and stressful for the bride and other bridesmaids to spend that much energy. The bride probably found her wedding gown with less effort and fuss.” – ilp456
“I would be willing to bet large amounts of money that multiple dresses fit OP in the sense of being the correct size, but OP rejected them because they didn’t make her look exactly the way she wanted to look.”
“The bride definitely isn’t blameless here, but everything about the OP is screaming that there’s more to the story.”
“It’s not hard to say, ‘I couldn’t find anything I liked today, I’ll try again another time and text you pictures for your approval.'”
“This seems like a situation made worse by the fact that everybody bears some level of blame. Despite the fact that there’s a lot of info we don’t have from the OP, I think it’s fair to say ESH.” – WaluigiIsTheRealHero
“This should be about ALL the bridesmaids. One person should not tie up that much time and energy to be a bridesmaid. This is why brides traditionally pick the dress and tell you to suck it up it’s their day.”
“OP’s sister-in-law was being generous to let the bridesmaids have a say so on what they wear.” – gramsknows
“THREE different shops? Just pick a dress already. OP’s not the bride and she behaves as if she is entitled to drag six people around town because she cannot pick a dress even with these very loose specifications. Red and flowy. How hard can it be?”
“OP, you’re TA. Learn to read a room and to realize when you’re not the main character in a story. No one will remember how you looked. Only the looks of the bride matter.” – glamourcrow
“I was in a wedding where another bridesmaid obsessed over picking out a dress, shoes, etc. beyond what was reasonable considering it’s all about the bride the day of.”
“She didn’t even pick up her dress until the week before and picked it up from the seamstress the DAY BEFORE. And it was the wrong color. And the bride was still super chill and just rode it out.”
“I think she chose to disconnect and just not care about the bridesmaid’s dress status at a certain point. I was more stressed out watching it all lol.”
“All that to say, the OP might be putting way too much on this experience (and, like at 18, I think that’s super understandable), but the bride should have picked out the dresses or let them order on Azazie or something. And freaking out was NOT the solution. Imo shows red flags about her emotional stability for handling stressful situations.” – can_of_crows
But some understood it’s hard for someone with body image concerns to find clothes.
“OP mentioned having body image issues, and OP is 18. It’s reasonable to bet that ‘etiquette’ for these kinds of things probably wasn’t taught to her at all the begin with. But I can kinda understand the wanting to find a dress that fits in a flattering way.”
“What I CAN’T understand is why it had to be made THE BRIDE’S problem. OP and their mother could have just as easily gone dress shopping on their own time and not bothered the bride with all the effort and stress. The bride was definitely over the top rude in how they handled it, but I can kinda get where they’re coming from.” – D1sastrous-Lobster
“18 is a very common age to have really big body image issues, and I don’t think people are taking that in. Also, learning that the bride felt the way she does, OP has every right to be upset. NTA.” – glass-animals
“The horror! Multiple dress shops looking for a dress she would be comfortable in. Why did the bride go anyway? It says nothing about wedding dress shopping. She could have avoided it altogether.”
“I don’t think OP acted entitled at all. It’s natural to expect to be in the wedding party if your older brother is getting married. Plus she’s an 18-year-old kid who has issues with body image.”
“The bride sounds like a horrible woman who had a temper tantrum like a child in the middle of a dress shop when an 18-year-old is struggling with body image trying to find the right dress.”
“I think OP’s brother should have thought twice about marrying someone who acts like a toddler at the drop of a hat. If she can act like that over a bridesmaid dress, god knows what she acts like when they are in a fight. NTA, I do wonder how the rest of her husband’s family feel about her now?” – Mmoct
“I just recently attended a wedding, and I would ask, ‘Only three?’ I spent months searching for dresses, online and physically.”
“Red is a color that draws a lot of attention. There are people with self-image issues that can find it difficult to choose. Some body types don’t have many choices and standard dresses don’t fit everyone.”
“I think that maybe she could have run a previous round herself or with a friend before asking the whole committee to go approve the dress. But maybe she was unaware that they hated each minute of it. Or maybe they insisted on going with her.”
“People should be allowed to wear the dress they feel comfortable wearing, and take their time choosing, especially if it will cost so much and will remain in pictures forever).”
“I do remember a wedding I attended for family, and I was forced to wear a certain dress that I hated. I felt miserable the whole day, and I can’t even look at the pictures. Back then, it was because I hated to look at myself in it, and today it is because of the anger I feel for not imposing my tastes on my relative’s choices.”
“If I ever organize a celebration like this (I doubt it, it doesn’t match my interests), I will set no code, no color scheme, no length, or style. If they want a pineapple costume, so be it. Why? Because I will want my friends to have fun and be happy, and I will definitely remember how each of them looked.”
“I couldn’t care less if they say, ‘Remember the dress X wore to Msmie’s wedding?’ for 30 years. I am not that thirsty for attention. Otherwise, I would feel that I’m paying thousands only to have a me-me-me-me day that the rest of the people can’t wait to finish or reach the open bar.”
“Sorry, I projected, but yeah… some people need time to choose their favorite dress, so what?” – MSmie
The subReddit could understand that it can be difficult to find dresses that fit a person’s body in an aesthetically pleasing way, but most were concerned with how the OP’s behavior was stealing focus from the bride and creating more stress for her special day.
Her body image issues aside, if the OP couldn’t sort out what she wanted for the wedding day, it might be better not to be involved in the wedding party, so the bride could get back to planning other aspects of the first day of the rest of her life with the OP’s brother.