Teen Snaps At Dad And Stepmom For Dismissing Mental Health Issues Inherited From Bio Mom

It's always a gamble what we might inherit from our parents when it comes to DNA.

It has been demonstrably proven that intelligent, athletic, and artistically minded people don't always pass on their skills and gifts to their children.

Nor is a strong, physical resemblance always a given.

What's becoming a more rapidly growing concern, however, is whether or not parents might unwillingly pass on things that might put the health and well-being of their children at risk.

Redditor IceNecessary785 lost all contact with her mother at a very young age, owing to a serious health issue.

An issue the original poster (OP) felt that she might be suffering from herself.

When the OP expressed this concern to her father and stepmother, she found herself more or less ignored.

Eventually resulting in a literal screaming match.

Wondering if she was out of line with her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for screaming at my father and his wife and refusing to stop until I said what I needed to?"

The OP explained why she couldn't help but raise her voice to her father and stepmother:

"I (16 F[emale]) live with my father, his wife, my two stepsiblings and half sibling."

"My parents divorced when I was 3 and I last saw my mom when I was 6."

"She lost custody of me because she's mentally ill and her whole family is."

"My father was awarded primary custody of me which became sole custody over time."

"I really only remember one visit with my mom and she was really sick."

"We know her parents, her four siblings and her all suffered with their mental health and likely the same one."

"It's also believed her great grandparents were mentally ill too, but she never knew them."

"I never knew anyone in her family."

"My father and his wife met when I was 5 and we lived together when I was 6 and they got married when I was 7."

"She wanted to adopt me but I said no."

"My mother pays child support and has never missed a payment, according to my grandpa."

"My father and his wife like to ignore my mental health and the family history and genetic component to mental illness."

"They like to pretend my father's wife is my mother, and they don't want me talking about my mom."

"I still do."

"It pisses them off."

"I bring up the mental health reasons, and they tell me nurture is more important than nature."

"They tell me I'm disrespectful, dismissing my father's wife's influence and place in my life and how I have two parents in my home."

"I shouldn't wonder about someone who didn't love me enough to get herself together."

"I told them mental illness isn't that straightforward forward, and they told me to 'focus on my real mom,' meaning my father's wife."

"I don't call her my stepmother because of how dismissive she is about my mental health."

"Same reason my father is my father and not my dad."

"My grandma never liked my mom, so she's with them."

"But grandpa is on my side."

"He also kept in touch with mom secretly and checked in on her."

"I know I'm mentally ill."

"I already have some stuff going on."

"I told my father, and he brushed it off as me imagining things, which I said, yeah, and that's my problem."

"But he doesn't want to hear it."

'His wife doesn't want me to talk about it when her kids are in the house."

"So basically never."

"They saw me searching my mom's name online last week and they told me to drop it and stop disrespecting my real mom, the woman who raised me and is the reason I am who I am."

"They said I keep looking for ways to push her away."

"And I lost it."

"I started screaming that she's not my mom, she will never be my mom, she didn't pass her DNA on to me and it's not her medical history that's relevant to mine."

"I told them she can't save me from mental illness."

"That they can't ignore the problem and think it won't happen."

"They tried to stop me but I kept going until I made it very clear how angry I was and how I would blame them if I got so bad it was harder to treat."

"They were madder than I ever saw them."

"Especially because the other kids were in the house and heard everything."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA: Not the A**hole
• YTA: You're the A**hole
• ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
• NAH: No A**holes Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for screaming at her father and stepmother.

Everyone agreed that the OP's father and stepmother were bordering on being negligent, as ignoring the OP's request for help and forbidding her from learning more about her mother's condition could put her in serious danger.

"NTA but you need to tell someone that you need help."

"Talk to a teacher, make an appointment with your doctor."

"If you feel you might be in crisis, you can go to the local emergency room and ask for help."

"I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself and asking for help even when those around you don't want to hear it."

"Keep advocating for yourself."- Guilty-Company-9755

"NTA."

"Your Dad and SM are not being real."

"As soon as you turn 18, leave and don't look back."- Comfortable-Sea-2454

"NTA."

"Your father and his wife are erasing your mother from your life, and that is wrong."

"Thankfully you can move out when you're 18."- GhibliFan96

"NTA."

"I hope you can convince your father and his new family to acknowledge the fact that you have a biological mother different from your father's other children."- Adventurous_Byte

"NTA."

"Tell your father and step that you need a psychiatrist appointment."

"You want to make sure you are at least getting medicines that will keep you in normal behavior if needed."- Effective_Layer_7243

"I can't believe your father and stepmother have solved the nature vs. nurture argument!"

"When do they get their Nobel?"

"As long as they pretend to know everything, keep pretending they are not your parents."

"Give Grandpa an extra hug."

"NTA."- Micubano

"NTA."

"It seems that they just aren't listening, for whatever reason."

"Likely they don't want to acknowledge mental issues--something that a LOT of people seem to minimize, as if it is just something people can 'get over'."

"It is really frustrating, especially for those who know there is a problem."

"It took 40 or so years for my dad to recognize that my 60-year-old brother is actually bipolar plus had mental issues from a fatal (one brother died) --near-fatal car accident when he was 6 (traumatic brain injury)."

"People prefer to remain ignorant when it comes to mental health issues, and that is bone-crushingly tragic, I think."

"You are right about mental illness being something that people can't just get over."

"Have you ever tried to go to (if in the US) your community health department?"

"Ask them for resources--they may be able to hook you up with a psychiatrist."

"Or how about your high school?"

"A lot of high schools now have a psychologist accessible for students--I know where I was, in a high school with only about 500 students, we had a psychologist for 2-3 days a week (a lot of schools appointed one following covid)."

"The ones at the high school are free, and don't have to be school related issues."

"You can, and should, be getting mental health care."

"If your parents are not helping you with it, please seek it out on your own, and I think your high school can get you on the right path with this."

"Try connecting with a trusted adult with this, and if you don't know any well enough to trust, maybe the principal?"

"They all can at the very least, point you in the right direction."- PickleNotaBigDill

"Are you still in high school?"

"Please talk to a school counselor and let them know that you would like to be connected with mental health services."

"Let them know your family history of illness, and that your father and stepmother ARE REFUSING to get you treatment."

"It's amazing that your mom is able to make child support payments without fail - consistency is typically lacking in serious mental health disorders, so she may be getting gov't payments and your CS is being directly sent from that."

"Is your grandfather (the one who's in touch with your mom) living nearby?"

"Is he your mom's dad?"

"Do you get to visit with him?"

"How does he say your mom is doing?"

"Would it be possible to communicate or visit with her through him?"

"Is that even something you're interested in doing?"

"Just want to send you a giant (((hug)))."

"You're definitely NTA."

"Pls talk to your counselor at school."

"They can make sure you get the help you need."

"You don't say what specific mental illness you believe you're experiencing, but sometimes MH issues can qualify you for a 509 or IEP plan for your education (modifications/accommodations to help you do better in school)."

"If this is a situation that is also impacting your education, the school takes this VERY seriously."

"If you aren't able to get the help you need through school, please consider reaching out to CPS."

"I know they can suck in a number of ways, but if you're not being cared for properly, they can ensure you're getting what you need- especially since you sound like you're able to voice your experiences and advocate for yourself on this topic."

"It may sound extreme to go this route, but if you had a PHYSICAL ILLNESS that your parents weren't getting you treatment for, everyone would recognize that this is extreme neglect."

"Mental illness is no different."

"Please keep us updated."- depemo

No matter the situation, ignoring someone's cries for help will never end well.

Sadly, this is precisely what the OP's father and stepmother are doing, just as they brushed aside the fact that the OP's mother needed help and couldn't provide the love and support the OP needed.

One can only hope they both get over themselves and hear the OP's cries before she gets herself into an even worse situation.

Or, more ideally, the OP will find someone who will actually listen.