Sometimes it feels like siblings were put on this earth for the sole purpose of embarrassing you.
This is especially true during formative years.
However, sometimes the embarrassment – humiliation even – is sibling adjacent, indirectly brought on by the way others perceive them.
A teen on Reddit is experiencing all the above with his younger sister who dresses “provocatively” and wants to exclude her from his upcoming birthday celebration, so he turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor Temporary-Big-4118 asked:
“AITA for not inviting my 15yo sister to my birthday party because she dresses too provocatively?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (17/M[ale]) am having a big birthday party in a few weeks.”
“It’s going to be a mix of friends from school, my girlfriend, and a few family members.”
“My parents are letting me throw it at our house, and I want everything to go smoothly and look good, especially because this is the first time some of these people will be meeting each other.”
“The problem is my sister (15/F[emale]).”
“She’s recently started dressing in a way that I think is inappropriate—super short skirts, crop tops, basically stuff that barely covers anything.”
“I’m not trying to control what she wears, but it’s gotten to the point where my friends make comments about her, and I really don’t want to deal with that at my party.”
“I asked my parents if we could tell her to dress more modestly for the party or, if not, maybe she just shouldn’t come.”
“They got really mad at me, saying I was being controlling and rude.”
“My sister overheard and now she’s upset, calling me sexist and saying I’m embarrassed of her.”
“But honestly, I just don’t want my friends making weird comments or my girlfriend feeling uncomfortable.”
“My parents are making me feel guilty for even suggesting it, but I just want to have a chill party without drama.”
“AITA for not wanting my sister at my party unless she changes how she dresses?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation, and while their judgements were all over the board, their advice was not.
Some said OP was the a**hole (YTA) for allowing his friends to make comments about his sister.
“‘Dude, don’t talk about my sister like that'”
“I have friends with hot sisters, I never mentioned it to them because it’s a d*ck move.”
“You wouldn’t be out of line telling them to shut up when they mention it.”
“As for making your gf uncomfortable, that’s a her problem.”
“If she doesn’t like your sister wearing skimpy clothes around you then she needs a reality check.”
“Your sister isnt 7yo anymore. Get over it.”
“YTA” – SilentJoe1986
“If the party is at your house your sister is going to be there regardless.”
“Talk to you parents or your sister about the comments your friends have been making or maybe just stop being friends with those people, she’s wearing clothes.”
“If you parents don’t have anything to say about ehat she’s been wearing and the school hasn’t sent her home because she’s not in dress code then your friends are objectifying her and need to learn it’s not appropriate.”
“Even if you didn’t intend to come off that way towards your sister you are still coming off as controlling and a bit weird.”
“She is a teenager and she is going through puberty just the same, she has body and bringing attention to changes in said body and that she’s dressing ‘provocatively’ is inappropriate.”
“She is allowed to wear what she wants, you shouldn’t be think those things as her brother and tbh you shouldn’t want to be around people who aren’t going to respect your sister as a person regardless of what she’s wearing or how attractive they find her.”
“With that said yes YTA, people are more than their clothing and you and your friends should treat them as such.” – BunnyNebulaBeans
“Yes, if anything you should be mad at your friends for making comments about her.” – Eastern-Step-7351
“YTA. Your friends are talking sh*t about your little sister and you’re blaming her?” – imveryfontofyou
Others declared OP was not the a**hole (NTA) for wanting to have a fun evening with his friends without having to listen to their remarks on his sister.
“NTA. it’s your day. if your sister wants to dress in a way that makes you uncomfortable, she can do it somewhere where it isn’t literally all about you.”
“you’re allowed to have the ppl you want at your party, and the people you don’t want elsewhere.”
“It’s pretty selfish of her to choose clothing over you, but you guys are all kids, so it’s to be expected.” – ditres
“Idk the comments here are weird. NAH.”
“You guys are all the same age group.”
“There’s absolutely ZERO way in any reality that a teenage boy will listen to another that says ‘stop checking her out’ or ‘dude that’s my sister.’”
“It’ll just happen behind your back.”
“Obviously you don’t want her to dress that way cause the attention to shift to anyone but you on YOUR birthday.”
“Plus it’s just weird for you bc it’s your sister.”
“On the other hand, She also has a right to explore whatever freedom of expression she’s enacting.”
“After this party, it’s probably best to not mix sister with friends till yall grow up and mature a bit.”
“People are blabbering on about having respect etc. these are a bunch of kids, none of them are gonna randomly have divine intervention and stop anyone else from saying, eyeing, or doing whatever they’re already doing.”
“If anything a parent should take action but they have chosen a side and see nothing wrong with her clothing.”
“If they knew the comments she were getting though… but that would also get them mad at your friends”
“It works for OP, his friends, AND his sister (she will dress how she wants to)
“Edit2: does she know the comments she’s getting?”
“It could turn her off to dressing that way or egg her on to keep dressing that way, or she might not care what anybody says and will dress however” – ChurrosPotatoes
“People commenting are slightly delusional if they think boys will stop teasing him about his sister if he asks them to.”
“They will just do it worse because boys are little AH.”
“For one night, he is asking her not to put him in a situation where he has to defend her or have to tell his friends to stop making comments. ONE NIGHT.”
“He isn’t asking her to stop dressing like that permanently.”
“Yes, I get people saying he shouldn’t ask her at all, but if she is dressing like that, getting the attention, and it causes drama, which she clearly likes, how can you blame the poor guy for wanting a drama-free night.”
“With all the best intentions in the world, yes she should be able to wear what she wants and no one should comment but we are dealing with teenage boys with high hormones and a 15 Yr old girl flaunting around in short skirt and crop top, discoveing herself but also loving the attention from older boys.”
“Recipe for disaster.”
“I can see both points of view and it’s not an easy situation.”
“But really as a parent, I wouldn’t want my daughter dressing like that around boys making those comments no matter how much I believe she should be able to wear what she likes, sadly the world does not work like that and the guy is asking for one night, it’s not a big ask in the grand scheme of things.”
“Probably could have been handle better but your feelings are valid as are hers.” – Spiritual_Trifle_930
“NTA – Redditors saying you just need to defend your sister by finger wagging your friends are socially inept, and will willingly put your sister in bad situations because girls should be free of all consequences and it’s up to you alone to shoulder those consequences by keeping everyone around you in check.”
“It’s just not feasible for you to do that.” – Appropriate-Tour1175
All in all, though, commenters think it’s a good idea for OP to have a conversation with his friends about the way they speak of his sister.
“What kind of comments are being made? Are the comments inappropriate?”
“Are you shutting down the comments in the moment?”
“It takes more balls to stand up to your friends making inappropriate comments than just hiding away your little sister.” – Billjustkeepswimming
“I applaud your looking for a social consensus.”
“I’m not sure you’ll find one.”
“Here’s my take on it- you’re gonna have to figure out how to navigate awkward moments.”
“A provocatively dressed sister, while uncomfortable, isn’t actually your responsibility, and she will remember your treatment of her far longer than your friends will remember how she was dressed at your 17th birthday party.” – KeiylaPolly
“I’d be more worried about slapping down my friends about any inappropriate comments rather than what she chooses to wear” – Trulio_Dragon
“Maybe start by addressing the friends that are making these comments about your sister?” – Salt_Command6304
“So it’s your sister’s fault that your friends are creeping on her?”
“Maybe talk to your friends about their inappropriate comments.” – Existing_Watch_3084
“If your friends are sl*t shaming your sister and making comments about her, or any woman, check your friends.” – The_Balmy_Bee
It sounds like OP has a lot to consider.
As his fellow Redditors mentioned, though, his concerns might be misdirected.