Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Tell People She's Infertile So They Stop Asking When She's Gonna Have Kids

Even in the seemingly progressive age we live in, women all over the world are still often smothered by the expectations of others.

Specifically, when they will get married and have children.

When being the operative word, as far too few people ever ask if marriage and children is something that some women even want.

Thankfully, these intelligent women often have the perfect responses to these invasive questions.

The family of Redditor dojacatisawesome was hounding her about when she would finally have children.

A question the original poster (OP) was truly exhausted by.

This eventually led the OP to come up with what she thought was a perfect solution.

Even if it would require some dishonesty on the OP's part.

Wondering if this would be wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**hole Here" (AITAH).

Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.

The OP asked fellow Redditors:

"WIBTAH if I got my tubes tied but told people I'm infertile?"

The OP explained how she planned to end her family's inquiries regarding her family planning:

"I'm a woman."

"I'm at an age where people start asking me when I'm going to have kids."

"Family, or even neighbors."

"Every family gathering there's always a 'so when will you make your parents grandparents?'."

"I don't have a boyfriend, and once my aunt even encouraged me to have an unprotected one night stand with a stranger just to get pregnant and give my family a grandchild."

"But the thing is, I am never going to have kids of my own. Adopted, maybe in 10 years."

"But biological?"

"Nope, sorry, pregnancy disgusts me."

"And, call me selfish, but I would hate my body after it."

"I already have issues regarding my self esteem, it would only get worse after pregnancy."

"And there's too many ways a pregnancy could mess with my health."

"Getting my tubes tied is illegal in my country, but I plan on traveling to another country to get it done."

"So, how much of an a**hole would I be if someone asks me about potential kids again, and I tell them I can't have them?"

"Well, I wouldn't be lying, but if they ask further I wouldn't say 'hey so I got sterilized because I didn't want to be pregnant', I would rather say I'm medically unable to conceive since this wouldn't get me as judged."

"AITAH?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:

NTA - Not The A**hole

YTA - You're The A**hole

NAH - No A**holes Here

ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community agreed that this was a personal choice, and the OP could handle it however she saw fit.

Everyone agreed that while getting her tubes tied was her decision, they didn't think lying was necessary, and all she needed to say was that she couldn't have children and leave it at that:

"Literally, 'I can't have children'."

"No lie required."- AverageDecency

"After my vasectomy whenever anyone asked I would just look quietly and sadly down at the ground and say 'I can't have kids'."

"Works like a charm."- Difficult_Jury_4734

"Get them to take your fallopian tubes while they are at it. It reduces your chances of developing Ovarian Cancer by 80%!"- Neither-Safe9343

"NTA."

"Tell them you're infertile and that the doctor verified you won't be able to have children."

"It's true, just not in the way they're thinking."- helenaflowers

"I wouldn't stop at infertile."

"I'd put on the water works."

"I'd start crying, like ugly crying about how I'll never be able to have kids."

"I'd call them terrible people for making you 're-live' the horror of that doctors visit."

"People need to learn to mind their business."- TheStinkyGreek

"NTA."

"But I guarantee they will just pivot to 'when are you adopting? Have you tried XYZ treatment? My friend’s son’s wife is a Dr she can help you'."

"It sounds like your family doesn’t care about what you want."

"Just what you can give them."- natalietest234

"NTA."

"I do this all the time."

"Getting sterilized was the best decision I've ever made but people didn't believe me."

"I don't go screaming it from the rooftops but if people ask I always respond 'I can't have kids but it's okay. It's something I've come to terms with'."

"People tend to look at me with sad pity after that but they stop asking questions."- RedQue3n

"NTA."

"I never wanted children, if people kept pushing it I'd tell them I couldn't have children to get them to shut up."

"Technically I couldn't have children because I wouldn't allow myself to get pregnant so it was only a white lie."- West_Guarantee284

"You don’t have to outright say you’re infertile."

"You can go around it."

"Say with a sad face and a hand on your stomach 'I can’t…'"

"People won’t push it, they may even apologize and move on."- cheapbritney

"Being sterilized is a form of infertility."

"It's not a lie."- Future_Arrival_5395

"I hate the heteronormative bullsh*t women have to put up with."

"NTA."

"You tell them whatever you want."- tubsgotchubs

"I hate this for us."

"Like, just because we have a uterus we are somehow expected to want children?"

"Infuriating!"

"What’s even more infuriating is the lack of boundaries some people have by prying into a very personal subject & to further that ick, they make it about their own wants & needs."

“'When are you gunna’ make me a MeeMaw?'”

"There’s a special place for Auntie who suggested such a disgusting thing."

"I finally got okay with saying, 'My priorities in life right now do not include children'."

"PERIOD, WALK AWAY."

"Men are 1/2 of the 'having children' equation yet not everyone with a ballsack gets asked 'When are you gunna’ start making some little Joe Bob’s?'"

"I think that if more of us women get comfortable with voicing our honesty (when nosy people ask stupid questions), our answers will cease to make us & others uncomfortable."

"NTA - you do what makes sense to you, but I hope you find the freedom to be true to yourself & express that to others."- Moose-1211

"NTA."

"And you wouldn’t be lying."

"You are medically unable to have kids, they don’t need to know it was your choice."- skatingangel

"I’d just tell people to shut the f*ck up but I think your idea is good too."- Equivalent_Lemon_319

"NTA."

"Your body, your truth. just reframed."

"It’s not a lie, you are infertile by choice."

"Protect your peace, period."- julianaplumz

"NTA."

"Also don't get them tied, get them removed."

"Removing the tubes reduces the chance of developing ovarian cancer by 70-80% as the cancer usually develops in the tubes first."

"It's also more sure to end any chance of pregnancy bc the ties/clamps used can become undone or irritate the body."

"Its also absolutely nobodies business to know how/why you're infertile even if its infertility by choice."

"Just had mine removed laparoscopically this year and recovery was very smooth."- JacketSolid7965

"Ask the person asking about you having kids an equally rude personal question."

"You don't owe anyone an explanation about why you don't want kids."- jimmywhereareya

"NTA."

"I'm 40."

"Had one pregnancy 14 years ago and it ended in a miscarriage."

"I didn't want or plan for it and was relieved when it took care of itself."

"When people ask me why I don't have kids, I make myself real sad and look down and say 'I was never able to carry to term'."

"They feel horrible and I get an internal giggle at the looks on their faces."

"Why you don't have kids is no one's business."

"And if someone is rude enough to ask, it's our duty to teach them why they shouldn't."- Sleepy_Owl1458

"What's stopping you from doing nothing but just telling your family that you're infertile?"

"It's none of their damn business."- InviteAmazing

"NTA."

"But I don't think this will work to shut down the conversation."

"The same rude people that would be nosy and keep pushing you if you said you didn't want to have kids are still going to have something to say if you you say you're infertile."

"They're going to be offering condolences you don't want, asking if you've been to a doctor, could you do fertility treatments, 'you never know', etc."

"I think you might be better off getting comfortable being firm with people that you don't want to discuss this."- ruta_skadi

"NAH."

"I had a hysterectomy and tell the nosy jerks that I can't have kids."

"Not that I'm infertile, just that I can't have them."

"If they push, then I say that I don't have a uterus anymore."

"They automatically assume something terrible happened, and I don't correct them."

"Makes them uncomfortable as hell."- theIrishKitt

It's very easy to pressure other people on how they should live their lives.

Leading one to understand why the OP would resort to being somewhat dishonest regarding her future.

Even so, it's a shame that some people can't mind their own business.

Even when other people explicitly tell them to.