Even in the seemingly progressive age we live in, women all over the world are still often smothered by the expectations of others.
Specifically, when they will get married and have children.
When being the operative word, as far too few people ever ask if marriage and children is something that some women even want.
Thankfully, these intelligent women often have the perfect responses to these invasive questions.
The family of Redditor dojacatisawesome was hounding her about when she would finally have children.
A question the original poster (OP) was truly exhausted by.
This eventually led the OP to come up with what she thought was a perfect solution.
Even if it would require some dishonesty on the OP's part.
Wondering if this would be wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTAH if I got my tubes tied but told people I'm infertile?"
The OP explained how she planned to end her family's inquiries regarding her family planning:
"I'm a woman."
"I'm at an age where people start asking me when I'm going to have kids."
"Family, or even neighbors."
"Every family gathering there's always a 'so when will you make your parents grandparents?'."
"I don't have a boyfriend, and once my aunt even encouraged me to have an unprotected one night stand with a stranger just to get pregnant and give my family a grandchild."
"But the thing is, I am never going to have kids of my own. Adopted, maybe in 10 years."
"But biological?"
"Nope, sorry, pregnancy disgusts me."
"And, call me selfish, but I would hate my body after it."
"I already have issues regarding my self esteem, it would only get worse after pregnancy."
"And there's too many ways a pregnancy could mess with my health."
"Getting my tubes tied is illegal in my country, but I plan on traveling to another country to get it done."
"So, how much of an a**hole would I be if someone asks me about potential kids again, and I tell them I can't have them?"
"Well, I wouldn't be lying, but if they ask further I wouldn't say 'hey so I got sterilized because I didn't want to be pregnant', I would rather say I'm medically unable to conceive since this wouldn't get me as judged."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
NTA - Not The A**hole
YTA - You're The A**hole
NAH - No A**holes Here
ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that this was a personal choice, and the OP could handle it however she saw fit.
Everyone agreed that while getting her tubes tied was her decision, they didn't think lying was necessary, and all she needed to say was that she couldn't have children and leave it at that:
"Literally, 'I can't have children'."
"No lie required."- AverageDecency
"After my vasectomy whenever anyone asked I would just look quietly and sadly down at the ground and say 'I can't have kids'."
"Works like a charm."- Difficult_Jury_4734
"Get them to take your fallopian tubes while they are at it. It reduces your chances of developing Ovarian Cancer by 80%!"- Neither-Safe9343
"NTA."
"Tell them you're infertile and that the doctor verified you won't be able to have children."
"It's true, just not in the way they're thinking."- helenaflowers
"I wouldn't stop at infertile."
"I'd put on the water works."
"I'd start crying, like ugly crying about how I'll never be able to have kids."
"I'd call them terrible people for making you 're-live' the horror of that doctors visit."
"People need to learn to mind their business."- TheStinkyGreek
"NTA."
"But I guarantee they will just pivot to 'when are you adopting? Have you tried XYZ treatment? My friend’s son’s wife is a Dr she can help you'."
"It sounds like your family doesn’t care about what you want."
"Just what you can give them."- natalietest234
"NTA."
"I do this all the time."
"Getting sterilized was the best decision I've ever made but people didn't believe me."
"I don't go screaming it from the rooftops but if people ask I always respond 'I can't have kids but it's okay. It's something I've come to terms with'."
"People tend to look at me with sad pity after that but they stop asking questions."- RedQue3n
"NTA."
"I never wanted children, if people kept pushing it I'd tell them I couldn't have children to get them to shut up."
"Technically I couldn't have children because I wouldn't allow myself to get pregnant so it was only a white lie."- West_Guarantee284
"You don’t have to outright say you’re infertile."
"You can go around it."
"Say with a sad face and a hand on your stomach 'I can’t…'"
"People won’t push it, they may even apologize and move on."- cheapbritney
"Being sterilized is a form of infertility."
"It's not a lie."- Future_Arrival_5395
"I hate the heteronormative bullsh*t women have to put up with."
"NTA."
"You tell them whatever you want."- tubsgotchubs
"I hate this for us."
"Like, just because we have a uterus we are somehow expected to want children?"
"Infuriating!"
"What’s even more infuriating is the lack of boundaries some people have by prying into a very personal subject & to further that ick, they make it about their own wants & needs."
“'When are you gunna’ make me a MeeMaw?'”
"There’s a special place for Auntie who suggested such a disgusting thing."
"I finally got okay with saying, 'My priorities in life right now do not include children'."
"PERIOD, WALK AWAY."
"Men are 1/2 of the 'having children' equation yet not everyone with a ballsack gets asked 'When are you gunna’ start making some little Joe Bob’s?'"
"I think that if more of us women get comfortable with voicing our honesty (when nosy people ask stupid questions), our answers will cease to make us & others uncomfortable."
"NTA - you do what makes sense to you, but I hope you find the freedom to be true to yourself & express that to others."- Moose-1211
"NTA."
"And you wouldn’t be lying."
"You are medically unable to have kids, they don’t need to know it was your choice."- skatingangel
"I’d just tell people to shut the f*ck up but I think your idea is good too."- Equivalent_Lemon_319
"NTA."
"Your body, your truth. just reframed."
"It’s not a lie, you are infertile by choice."
"Protect your peace, period."- julianaplumz
"NTA."
"Also don't get them tied, get them removed."
"Removing the tubes reduces the chance of developing ovarian cancer by 70-80% as the cancer usually develops in the tubes first."
"It's also more sure to end any chance of pregnancy bc the ties/clamps used can become undone or irritate the body."
"Its also absolutely nobodies business to know how/why you're infertile even if its infertility by choice."
"Just had mine removed laparoscopically this year and recovery was very smooth."- JacketSolid7965
"Ask the person asking about you having kids an equally rude personal question."
"You don't owe anyone an explanation about why you don't want kids."- jimmywhereareya
"NTA."
"I'm 40."
"Had one pregnancy 14 years ago and it ended in a miscarriage."
"I didn't want or plan for it and was relieved when it took care of itself."
"When people ask me why I don't have kids, I make myself real sad and look down and say 'I was never able to carry to term'."
"They feel horrible and I get an internal giggle at the looks on their faces."
"Why you don't have kids is no one's business."
"And if someone is rude enough to ask, it's our duty to teach them why they shouldn't."- Sleepy_Owl1458
"What's stopping you from doing nothing but just telling your family that you're infertile?"
"It's none of their damn business."- InviteAmazing
"NTA."
"But I don't think this will work to shut down the conversation."
"The same rude people that would be nosy and keep pushing you if you said you didn't want to have kids are still going to have something to say if you you say you're infertile."
"They're going to be offering condolences you don't want, asking if you've been to a doctor, could you do fertility treatments, 'you never know', etc."
"I think you might be better off getting comfortable being firm with people that you don't want to discuss this."- ruta_skadi
"NAH."
"I had a hysterectomy and tell the nosy jerks that I can't have kids."
"Not that I'm infertile, just that I can't have them."
"If they push, then I say that I don't have a uterus anymore."
"They automatically assume something terrible happened, and I don't correct them."
"Makes them uncomfortable as hell."- theIrishKitt
It's very easy to pressure other people on how they should live their lives.
Leading one to understand why the OP would resort to being somewhat dishonest regarding her future.
Even so, it's a shame that some people can't mind their own business.
Even when other people explicitly tell them to.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.