Choices about whether or not to have children are a deeply personal and private matter.
So it’s no wonder a Redditor became enraged when she found out her mother-in-law had been lying about her decision to not have kids by telling the whole family she’s infertile.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by throwaway671209 on the site, wasn’t sure about how she handled the situation. So, she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
“AITA for shaming my mother in law in front of the whole family for spreading lies about me?”
“My husband and I don’t want kids. He had gotten a vasectomy even before I dated him and I wanted to be childfree so we both knew it’s never going to happen.”
“She didn’t know that my husband has gotten a vasectomy and believes that it’s me who is not giving her grandchildren, so she hated me.”
“When I got married, she wrote this whole letter about how she can’t wait for us to be parents and read it out loud during our reception.”
“She would cry on the phone with my sister-in-law about how I’m the worst thing that has ever happened to her. She would make racist Facebook posts targeted at me because I’m Asian and my husband is white.”
“There have been times she would introduce my husband to different women when he’s already married to me and would tell him that he deserves better.”
“Three days ago I was at a family gathering. I never really attend family gatherings because my mother in law is present there but it had been a long time since I’ve met his family.”
“When I was just talking to my husband’s aunt, She casually says ‘I’m sorry that you can’t experience motherhood, how does ‘my husband’s name’ feel about it?'”
“I asked her what was she talking about, she tells me that my mother-in-law has been going around, telling everyone in the family group chat that I’m infertile.”
“I honestly lost my mind.”
“I went up to my mother-in-law and asked her about it. She told me that she didn’t wanted to tell everyone that my husband is less of a man because he got a vasectomy done and thought it was better to tell everyone I was infertile.”
“I started to scream at her.”
“Everybody in the room kinda started telling me that I shouldn’t be ashamed because I am infertile (they thought I was shifting the blame on my husband when I’m infertile) and I revealed the truth because I was not infertile.”
“I told everyone about how my mother-in-law was spreading lies because she didn’t want her son to be ‘less of a man’. I told everyone about her introducing my husband to different women because she wanted to replace me and is openly racist towards me.”
“My brother-in-law calmed me down because I was bawling my eyes out and called my husband, asking him to come home.”
“My husband came home, his mother was crying and telling him that I ruined her reputation. She tells him how I’m trying to make him hate her.”
“My husband took my side. He told her that it was the last time he would be stepping into the house and he is going to cut ties with her.”
“We left the house.”
“My husband thinks that I did the right thing, standing up for myself. I’ve been getting text messages from his relatives about how I broke a mother and son’s relationship.”
“My mother-in-law is making posts about me on Facebook.”
“I know I could’ve handled it better but AITA?”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this drama based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And for them this was a no-brainer—OP’s mother-in-law was way out of line.
“Seems that the mother has an unhealthy obsession with grandchildren and is a bit of an unpleasant person. I would recommend adoption for her is she really wants children.” —pietpompies7
“NTA and kudos to your husband for standing up to his family for you.
Maybe your mother-in-law will learn her lesson someday but it seems she is not willing to.”
“You have to keep yourselves safe from such shockingly negative influences.” —MonkeyMagic1968
“She played the stupid game, she won the stupid jackpot.”
“It’s great your hubby is being supportive. He doesn’t think you are the a**hole here and neither do we. Look, your mother in law lied and schemed and connived against you and she is reaping what she sowed. Stand tall.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that but you can now cut her out of your day to day life, and it will be all the better for it.” —LavingtonWindsor
“NTA. Everyone has a limit and you reached yours. Your MIL is a dreadful person and well done to you for advocating for yourself and your husband for firmly being on your side. The lies she told were awful, the racism directed at you equally so.””
You have not broken up her relationship with her son, she has done that. The best thing to do in my opinion is disengage from them all, the people who are sending messages, block them on social media, block their numbers, have a good talk with your husband on the limits you now need to set with his extended family, make sure you are on the same page.”
“Do not feel any guilt about this, you have a right to peace, to not be bullied and lied about, keep her firmly at a distance and don’t let her back in, you will find how much easier you breath without someone so toxic in your life. Good luck.” —irregularfit
After reading her fellow Redditors’ replies, OP came back for an update.
“Edit: I would like to clear up two things because I’m being asked about it.”
“when my mother in law gave the speech during my reception, that’s when my husband told her about his vasectomy.”
“My husband didn’t attend the gathering with me because the next day was my birthday and he was planning a surprise for me.”
“Some people pointed it out that I shouldn’t have lashed out at a family gathering which is absolutely right. I feel bad for it and I know I could’ve handled it better.”
“Thank you so much for the replies.”
Hopefully this family can find a way to mend fences.