Some people want to steal other’s thunder.
But, we should all learn how to be happy for other people’s wins and not focus so much on who is the center of attention.
Redditor VeryObeseVirgin encountered this very issue with his twin brother. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
He asked:
“AITA when my twin brother doesn’t want me to propose on a family vacation?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“We are planning a family vacation to Cancun in a few months in order to celebrate my fathers successful treatment of stage 4 colon cancer.”
“Everyone is very excited, this will be the first time my parents will be going on a destination vacation.”
“Me (30)and my gf (28)have been dating for three years now and I was planning on proposing to her in Cancun, surrounded by my loved ones.”
“However when I brought this up to my twin brother he discouraged me.”
“His reasoning being that he doesn’t want to ‘define’ his trip by my engagement. I’m still not sure what he means by this but everyone else who’s going are beyond happy for me and my gf and are happy to participate.”
OP’s brother was adamant about his perspective.
“My brother keeps telling me that I refuse to see it from his perspective but I honestly don’t understand his argument.”
“First he said it was taking the focus off my father who loves my gf and would be overjoyed to see our proposal. After that he claimed that it would be the only thing people took away from the vacation.”
“He keeps saying I refuse to take his feelings into account but he doesn’t have to be part of the proposal he doesn’t have to participate at all and yet he still feels like its a slight against him personally.”
“After talking to everyone he’s the only one with an issue. An issue I can’t exactly understand.”
“I was hoping it would be a time everyone could enjoy and participate in, a wonderful family memory.”
“But now I’m second guessing the idea, am I the a**hole?”
OP added some edits.
“It would just be a small intimate proposal on the beach. Nothing wild.”
“My gf basically saved my father’s life, she’s an RN and when my dad was first having pain in his stomach he was willing to ignore it. My gf pressured him to see a doctor and eventually she was the one who pushed us to get a second opinion after he was declared inoperable.”
“He is alive because of her and he would be beside himself with joy to see us get engaged.”
“My father has been asking for months when am I proposing to my gf. He loves us and is so excited that he will get to see us get married.”
“He’s the kind of guy that would really enjoy this and turn it into a big party to celebrate. I think my brother and I have different perspectives on this vacation and its purpose.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA- if your dad is cool with it I’m not sure why your bro is doing the most. I will offer this suggestion though: propose on the last night. Let everyone have their vacation and then let your engagement be the last piece so those conversations don’t overtake the entirety of your time there.” ~ CuriousTsukihime
“I mean even if his dad is cool with it, it is kind of tacky. This wasn’t just a regular vacation they were going to celebrate his dad’s recovery. It is a bit rude in my mind to hijack the event.” ~ Scion41790
“How on earth can someone be seen as the centre of attention when it comes to someone else’s recovery? That’s truly some bizarre logic here.”
“Did you consider the fact that vacations are extremely expensive and he wanted to propose to his girlfriend somewhere beautiful, the fact that the family is there is a bonus! Just because it’s a family vacation does not mean that other people should be expected to put their lives on hold.” ~ Neko4tsume
“Because of the specific circumstances around how the dad got the treatment and OP involvement during the course of the treatment compared to his brother’s, it’s pretty clear that OP is the golden child in this situation.”
“Yes, it’s about the recovery, but there will also be a lot about OP and his girlfriend because of that. Like I said, it may not be his only motivation, but it’s something he is clearly aware of and seems to enjoy” ~ emanresuelbaliavayna
Most agreed OP’s family would be happy to see them get married.
“It’s not hijacking if his dad wants it to happen. I imagine his dad is okay with it largely because this woman is the whole reason his recovery happened.” ~ emanresuelbaliavayna
“Yeah. She’s a nurse and she’s the one who noticed the symptoms, knew something was wrong, pushed for him to get it checked out, and then pushed for the second opinion that ultimately saved his life after the first doctor said he was inoperable.” ~ emanresuelbaliavayna
“It actually makes me somewhat suspect that OP might be being a little easier here. Based on his comments, they’ve always been competitive.”
“OP claims he’s let that go, but there’s a history with engagement and marriage with them, and the way OP talks about it makes it clear he hasn’t actually let it go, and OP sees himself as the ‘dominant’ twin.”
“Given OP and his girlfriends’ contributions to the dad’s treatment, it seems like they’re already sort of the center of attention when it comes to his recovery. I suspect that the brother sees this as a move by OP to brighten the spotlight on himself and his girlfriend.”
“And while that might not be OP’s only motivation for insisting on the proposal in this context, I also think he’s very aware that is will make his golden child crown sparkle that much more, and enjoys how that makes his brother feel.” ~ emanresuelbaliavayna
OP should be worried about his timing, his fiance’s, and his father’s feelings. Not his brother’s.