A pregnancy can be a very stressful time for couples.
It can be extra stressful when couples are facing severe money issues.
Not only do you worry about the birth of a healthy child, you count every penny for an unknown future.
And when one parent isn’t as worried, it can cause some drama.
Case in point…
Redditor throwPricematter1 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for demanding my husband to pay me the $1000 dollars he spent behind my back?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (33) and I (31) used to had a 2 income home but in 2020 we’ve lost our home and one of our incomes (his).”
“We moved into a smaller apartment, had to sell many things and give up most of our ‘costly’ habits.”
“My husband has an expensive habit of going to the spa for a weekly massage session.”
“We live in an urban area so this stuff is ridiculously expensive.”
“A single session is $250, and he has to have it every week so that’d be nearly 1000 a month!”
“I offered him to have his session at a regular spa but no, he has to get it from that luxurious spa near the restaurant we used to go saying the lady who gives the massage is an expert and he’s used to her.”
“Problem is I’m the only income earner and I’m struggling to make ends meet.”
“I’m also pregnant and need to save money to prepare a nursery.”
“I told him to cut his sessions but he refused.”
“I told him I won’t be paying for them anymore and he said he’d get the money himself.”
“Yesterday I checked and saw that he’s been using my credit card for his sessions for a whole month and had maxed out completely.”
“I found that out when I went shopping for baby essentials and the cashier said I had no money.”
“I had to return everything then went home and went off on him.”
“I told him he maxed my card out and made me look like an idiot at the store, he said he didn’t tell me cause he knew I’d have an issue with it.”
“I demanded he pay back the $1000 he spent but he refused.”
“I yelled at him calling him irresponsible and he got upset and called me selfish and told me to stop playing victim.”
“And that this is affecting both of us since he’s going to be a parent too and it’s stressful for him and I keep dismissing his own needs as a human.”
“I went upstairs and he went out.”
“He started giving me the silent treatment but I kept demanding the money back.”
“He said I shouldn’t expect it back since we’re married then my money is technically his and I should stop using his unemployment against him.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. He stole from you to buy a luxury.”
“Immediately cut him off from all access to your money and credit.”
“Don’t give him any money at all.”
“And seriously reconsider living with him since he steals from you.”
“Also, is there any chance that this ‘spa’ treatment actually involves him paying for sex?”
“Because there’s something that feels off about all this.” ~ teresajs
“I hate to jump to conclusions but there’s definitely something off here.”
“No one needs a professional weekly $250 massage at the one specific place with a specific person to the point they are willing to steal 1k from their pregnant spouse and unborn child.”
“He’s either getting sex out of it or drugs or something else.” ~ noblestromana
“Yeah. I live in a large urban area and I don’t pay $250 for a massage.”
“There are plenty of places that are $100 or less.”
“Unless he starts working… and is he even looking for work… and has a medical need for the massage then that’s off the table for now.”
“Any reasonable person would totally understand that the needs of the baby and person carrying that baby come first.”
“That he can’t see that is concerning.”
“Any chance for counseling… assuming this isn’t part of a previous pattern of selfishness. NTA.” ~ rainyhawk
“I go to a beautiful spa in San Francisco and get a full body scrub, massage, and several hours to use the hot tub, cold plunge, steam and dry saunas.”
“It $125. Even that is a once every few months treat.”
“I cannot imagine being in a tight financial situation and spending $1000/month on myself.”
“OP you’re definitely NTA.”
“Edit: Since lots of people are asking, it’s Pearl Spa.”
“It’s Korean Jimjilbang inspired, women only.”
“It’s also nude, clothing isn’t an option unless you are in the clay ball room, then you must wear the shorts provided.”
“The service I usually get is actually cheaper, $110.”
“The staff is incredibly nice.”
“There is a similar style spa for men, but I don’t personally know anyone that has gone there.” ~ throwawayforunethica
“The only $250 massage I’ve ever had was on a cruise ship for 90 min. NTA.” ~ Liv-Julia
“Have you ever looked up this place and what this $250 massage entails?”
“Because that is A LOT of money for a massage that he says he needs weekly?”
“Does he have an injury that he requires it for or is it a relaxation massage?”
“I dunno… something is off here.”
“I’d be wondering if it’s a massage he receives or something more.”
“You by the way, are very much NTA.” ~ Gibdog83
“NTA… cancel the card, put the money you earn in your name only.”
“Maybe instead of getting a luxurious massage, he should be applying for jobs?”
“Like wtf. A baby is going to drain finances even more.” ~ tractorchick
“Honey, he’s using you.”
“He thinks he can get by while having you do all the work.”
“You know how I know?”
“I would be willing to bet he’s not using all his unemployment free time to clean the house or prepare for the baby, or to even take an online class to add to his resume.”
“I know it’s hard.”
“You are supposed to be a team.”
“But you are carrying the whole team yourself.”
“And you are pregnant.”
“Do you have someone you can go stay with for a few days to clear your head?”
“If not, go check yourself into a hotel alone for a day or two and give yourself some time to think.”
“You can’t fix this.”
“Other women have been where you are right now.”
“Learn from them. Run confidently away from this man.”
“I make these comments because I was in a few abusive relationships and have spent time speaking out about them and trying to help other women.”
“I want to share the top things I have learned that I try to tell everyone…”
“- We are all guilty of putting up with things we know we shouldn’t because we want to be loved. It is nothing to be ashamed of.”
“- You should never have to remind your partner that ‘hey I’m a human being and you should treat me like one.'”
“- And the big one: NICE GUYS ARE NOT THE SAME AS GOOD GUYS. JUST BECAUSE HE’S NICE DOESN’T MEAN HE’S A GOOD PERSON!!”
“If you read this and are thinking about leaving your partner, do it.”
“Trust your gut. You will not ever regret it, I promise.” ~ No_Recognition_2434
“I would argue that this goes beyond using her- and that this voyages into financial and emotional abuse.”
“OP, you should not have to question if you’re TA for needing money for the baby.”
“You also offered solutions for him to keep his massage.”
“You are offering a compromise, and he is REFUSING.”
“And now he is twisting it into making you think that you are selfish for trying to take care of the family when he is thinking only of himself.”
“I know it didn’t start this way.”
“And now you probably go from 0 to I’m totally selfish for asking him to think of *us* for once in like 2 seconds.”
“But you aren’t selfish, you aren’t wrong, you are doing what’s best for you and your baby.”
“Please try to find some ground to hold onto to remember that you are doing what you need to to provide for ALL of you the next time he tries to twist the situation around.”
“AND- start making a safety plan.” ~ huffle-puffle89
“Agreed 100%. OP said ‘my credit card,’ which makes me think he’s not an authorized user on it, and it’s only in her name.”
“If that’s the case, he stole from her, plain and simple.”
“In his stealing, he is preventing her from providing for their future child.”
“OP should forget thinking about if she’s wrong for wanting the stolen money back, but if she really wants to raise a child with him.”
“How are you going to afford diapers?”
“Is he going to ditch you for his massage the day after you give birth?”
“Is he going to use child care as a reason for him not to get back to work?” ~ ThisIsTemp0rary
Well OP, Reddit is clear how they feel about your situation.
And they seem to have safety concerns.
You may need to re-evaluate a lot.
Be vigilant and good luck.