Everything we learn about a significant other is not always great knowledge.
And it can be shocking when people discover information late in the love game.
That’s when compromise is ideally supposed to set in and you have to decide which hill you’re willing to die on and try to reach an understanding without hurting one another’s feelings.
Case in point…
Redditor Longjumping_Dirt_933 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA For telling my husband it’s disgusting he doesn’t wipe after going to the bathroom?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For some context, I (39 F[emale]) have a husband who we’ll call Adam (37 M[ale]) who is Indian-Saudi Arabian American and this will be relevant later on in the story.”
“I am Swedish-American.”
“Adam and I got married 7 months ago and we only moved in together after we got married due to Adam’s religious reasons.”
“Three weeks into our marriage, everything is absolutely flawless.”
“Until, this one issue started to appear.”
“Adam doesn’t use paper after using the bathroom instead he uses water.”
“I learned this after I questioned the fact that there was always some water left on the toilet seat after him.”
“This argument sounds stupid, but it’s genuinely bothering me.”
“He explained to me how washing is a lot better and effective than wiping which I can somewhat understand.”
“But I told him it’s absolutely disgusting to not wipe because I don’t wanna sleep next to someone who is unhygienic and Adam does all the grocery shopping so after this he completely stopped buying toilet paper.”
“I told him that if he was mad at my comment he could have told me but to stop forcing me into his habits.”
“He told me that washing is a norm in India and the Middle East then he shrugged and told me to buy toilet paper with my own money because why would I want his money if he is ‘So unhygienic’ anyways.”
“Which is absolutely ridiculous since Adam is the bread winner and provides for all necessities in the household while I have quit my job to take a break.”
“He told his sister about the matter because just a few minutes ago she blasted me on Facebook.”
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“YTA. By cleaning with water, he’s getting his a** cleaner than is possible wiping with paper.”
“If water on the seat is the only reason you realized he washes his a** instead of wiping, all your arguments about hygiene are only founded in your imagination.”
“If the fight was about him leaving the seat wet, then you’d have some grounds to complain that he should wipe it dry when he’s done.”
“He should do that, anyway, nobody wants to sit on a wet seat.” ~ xVolta
“No seriously. I went to Bali and Thailand on vacation and got used to washing with water so much more hygienic.”
“When I came back to Europe I searched high and low for the perfect bidet because now it’s all I’ll ever want.”
“OP I’m sorry but we’re very wrong and if you said what you said and did what you did you were LOUD and WRONG. YTA.” ~ Expensive_Fee696
“Definitely better to use water.”
“If you got some poop on your hands would you just use some toilet paper to wipe it and go on to eat and do other stuff or would you wash your hands.”
“Similarly, do you clean your plates/pots/pans with paper towels and call it a day or wash them properly?” ~ fendoscox
“I guarantee his hoop is pristine, compared to your rusty barking spider, because he washes it, instead of just removing surface ‘material’ and grinding the rest into his skin.”
“Do you ‘wipe’ your crockery clean, or do you wash it? Which way do you think is cleaner and more hygienic?”
“The only thing you’ve got a right to be peeved at is the water on the toilet seat. YTA.” ~ THE_Barbra_Queen
“YTA. First: this is a practice done in his ethnic and racial background.”
“You wouldn’t tell a Chinese or Japanese person that they HAVE to keep their shoes on in the house, would you?”
“Second: he only stopped buying toilet paper after you insulted him so your frustration with him no longer buying TP is only happening because you insulted him in the first place.”
“Third: he’s right and washing is actually better than wiping.” ~ StoreyStories
“YTA. A lot of us wash butt then hands after both with soap and think wiping with only paper to smear around is dirty.”
“Most of Asia and Europe already on bidet because everyone know it’s better.”
“Stop being judgemental especially when you are in the wrong.”
“And yes, your husband is right, buy your own clean paper.”
“If you think he’s too dirty for you, don’t sleep next to him. Leave.” ~ Demoniokitty
“ESH. You were ignorant towards other cultures’ habits.”
“There is nothing wrong with washing btw, it’s as effective as wiping, if not even better.”
“So your ‘unhygienic’ statement is factually wrong.”
“He definitely shouldn’t have told anybody else about your private dispute and shouldn’t have tried to force you into his habits.”
“And I think I don’t need to talk about his sister shaming you on FB.” ~ Bozartkartoffel
“YTA, you accuse him for unhygienic but did you ever consider if bird pooped on your forehead, is it enough to just wipe it?”
“No, so does with your butt, it’s better to clean it with water and soap then wash your hands with water and soap too after that.”
“But for myself it’s better to wipe after clean my butt with water and soap, to dry it.”
“He didn’t buy the toilet paper because he buy the groceries and provide you with any necessities, and in the end what did you do?”
“Accuse him for being unhygienic.” ~ Buttcavetroll
“YTA. It is more hygienic, just because it is culturally different from you doesn’t make it ‘disgusting.'”
“You’re married to this man why would you berate him like this instead of talking if you were so genuinely concerned?”
“You need to mature and inform yourself about other cultures norms.” ~ Partial-Stranger
“YTA if the entire subcontinent of India is doing this he’s not unhygienic.”
“Have you never heard of a bidet?”
“He’s getting himself clean. BUT tell him you need toilet paper.”
“It’s a cultural difference and you should both be allowed to do what you want.” ~ GardenDivaESQ
“YTA. It’s his hygiene habit. If his butt is clean then who cares?”
“Most of world uses water to wash after number 2 and I think only America and a few others uses paper.”
“I think this is just a cultural issue. You need to be more accepting of his culture.” ~ Lnghi95
“Was gonna say NAH but honestly ESH.”
“As a Middle Easterner who uses water to wash up I always follow up with wiping, as does everyone as far as I know.”
“And water is definitely more hygienic than tissues.”
“Him not buying toilet paper is lowkey a red flag because he’s not even considering your habits and telling you to buy it yourself – this is just toilet paper.”
“Also telling his sister and her blasting you off?”
“Huge a**hole move.” ~ ontheloosee
“YTA. Your post is dripping with delusions of cultural superiority.”
“You claim to ‘somewhat understand’ but then tell him it’s ‘absolutely disgusting.’ It’s not.”
“Think about how hairy men are in that area compared to women.”
“Then think about how to get all those hairs clean with flimsy dry paper.”
“You can’t. Water all the way. Install a bidet. Everyone wins.” ~ warrinerdot
“Would you rather lick a plate that had s**t on it that had been wiped off with a towel, or one that had been rinsed under water?”
“Whole cultures use water instead of paper- as your husband pointed out to you- but you have decided that whole parts of the world are unhygienic.”
“You managed to marry this man without noticing how he wiped his a**, which means he’s cleaning himself just fine.”
“Oh, and you could go ahead and get a job and get off your ‘break’ and buy yourself toilet paper.”
“That’s an easy solution.”
“And by the way I’m an American who uses toilet paper and still cannot figure out a bidet in a hotel, so am on team paper for myself.” ~ mfruitfly
“YTA – I lived in the Middle East for years, this is 100% a cultural norm over there, and using toilet paper is weird to a lot of people over there.”
“Using a bidet is a lot cleaner and more hygienic than just using dry paper.”
“Of course he washes his hands after he’s done.”
“My husband has tried the bidet method when he visited me in the Middle East while we were dating, and he said he felt sooo much cleaner ‘down there.'”
“Our western toilets are not set up for this cleaning method, which is why it’s not more common in western society.” ~ SleepySouthie
“YTA. This is a common practice in many parts of the world, and you’re being very ethnocentric and rude in your approach to this.”
“Also, since you don’t work, why wouldn’t you do the grocery shopping and buy your own TP?” ~ Lolka24
Well this was an interesting tale.
It is never easy to discuss hygiene and what happens behind bathroom doors.
It seems Reddit thinks that as long as hubby is clean OP should take a breather.
Hopefully they can clean up this mess together.