Everybody wants to be a star.
Or we’ve all at least thought about what it’d be like once or twice.
Opportunities that can lead down that path are hard to come by.
And when you think you’ve missed one, you never forget it.
Case in point…
Redditor PangolinNew58 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to uproot my whole family for my daughter’s potential career?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter, now 26, has a strength for the performing arts.”
“I’ve always prioritized academia with my children.”
“But did allow them to pursue extra curriculars that they were interested in for balance.”
“My youngest child chose performance and she excelled.”
“At school, she did well.”
“B average, though I believe she could have done better if she applied herself.”
“When she was 14, a talent scout saw her in a local production and approached me about her going professional.”
“For me, it was an immediate no.”
“We couldn’t make it work.”
“It would mean either entrusting our child into the hands of a stranger or one of quitting my excellent job and disrupting my other children for my daughter’s maybe career.”
“I never denied she was talented and could have gone pro, but it simply wasn’t feasible for us to support this.”
“So I said no.”
“She was very hurt and upset with me, but I did what I had to do.”
“At 18, she tried to pursue acting as a career.”
“I encouraged her to go to University first so as to have a fall back plan.”
“Encouraged, not instructed.”
“I spent extra on her to attend in our capital city so she could pursue her interests more seriously outside of studies.”
“I did not interfere in her degree choice.”
“She chose performing arts.”
“She’s now working in the gig economy as her industry was wrecked by Covid.”
“Auditions are limited and competition is fierce.”
“Her siblings chose more lucrative career paths and are comparatively doing better, a sore spot for her.”
“She blames me for the state of her life.”
“She says that the show she was invited to audition for as a teenager could have made her a big star instead of the girl they went with but I wouldn’t let her audition.”
“She blames me for not signing her to a guardianship so she could go pursue that career.”
“She blames me for not moving my family because I didn’t believe in her enough.”
“I’ve tried to explain that child stars/hollywoods treatment of them/unsupervised children with more money than sense was not appealing to me as a parent but she won’t hear it.”
“She asked if I was at all sorry for ruining her life.”
“I said I was sorry she was unhappy and life wasn’t going as she wants it to.”
“But I’m not sorry for my decisions at the time.”
“I had 2 other kids to consider and it was done with her best intention at heart.”
“I’m sorry if she resents me for it but I did what I felt was right as her mother.”
“She hasn’t spoken to me in a month and her siblings tell me she’s constantly blaming me for her life.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Tell her to listen to the stories of the many many child actors who have come forward about their terrible experiences recently.”
“You did her a favor.”
“Right now she just needs someone to blame for what she feels like is her own personal failure.”
“Just be as supportive as you can, it’ll get better.” ~ salmonberrycreek
“Just tell her to google what happened to every single teen who was on the Disney channel as they got older.”
“It’s a smorgasbord of drug addiction, abuse, eating disorders, mental health crises, and early deaths.”
“Hillary Duff is the only one who managed to come through it all to a pretty normal adulthood and she’s rather candid about her experiences.” ~ i_am_the_ginger
“I’ll say something else, too, OP: if she really, really, REALLY wanted to be a performer, nothing could stop her.”
“She’d be pursuing it right now.”
“She’d be throwing herself wholeheartedly into achieving her dream–she’s still only 26 and has decades ahead of her.”
“The ‘talent scout” only offered an ‘audition.'”
“She most likely would never have gotten the part–those parts go to kids who’ve been acting, first in commercials, then in small parts, since they were toddlers.”
“Especially parts for teenagers.”
“Check any teen casting and look on IMDB and you’ll see they already have a whole list of credits.”
“And that’s just the credits on IMDB: they’ve also worked as models in ads and acted in commercials.”
“And most ‘talent scouts’ are scams, where you pay them for ‘head shots’ and nothing comes of it.”
“I wanted to be a writer since I was a kid, and my dad literally forbade me to pursue it.”
“He, a professor, also insisted I not only get a college degree, but an advanced degree, and a position as a professor!”
“I had to literally quit a thriving career and finally stand up to my very persuasive and strong minded dad, to start over, to follow my dream, to be a writer, when I was 30.”
“I’ve been a successful writer for decades now.”
“I’ve had a fantastic career and enjoyed every minute of it.”
“And honestly it’s made me have a more interesting life that I spent my twenties doing something completely different.”
“My point is–NOTHING COULD STOP ME!!”
“Your daughter, if she wants to be an actress, will be competing in an ugly, nasty career, with people who are also ‘NOTHING CAN STOP ME!!'”
“People who need to act to breathe.”
“She’d need that ‘nothing can stop me’ energy if she really wanted to succeed.”
“She’d be doing it despite everything.”
“She wouldn’t just be blaming you.”
“She’s got her whole life ahead of her.”
“If she really, really ‘has it,’ nothing can stop her, either.” ~ ThaneOfCawdorrr
“And that’s assuming she actually got the part.”
“She could have just ended up auditioning for roles endlessly without actually getting any.”
“Or just ending up as an extra, and OP just breaking even or losing money with the amount of money that they spent on training, head shots, and such, not to mention the cost of uprooting their family.”
“And probably living someplace like Los Angeles, which is insanely expensive.” ~ Lanky-Temperature412
“NTA She’s a grown adult whinging about not getting her way as a teenager.”
“I suppose she thought she’d be a big hit and have tons of money to spend on her family who moved their entire lives to allow her to become super famous?”
“She would have paid for siblings to go to whatever school they wanted, parents who would spend their time driving to auditions etc.”
“And couldn’t work because she was so in demand would get wages from her and houses paid for?”
“Maybe she should consider being a writer because she certainly has a talent for fiction.”
“If she was that amazing, we would all know her name by now because even at 26 such fantastic talent would have been picked up at all these auditions I am sure she is doing?”
“Don’t entertain anymore wallowing from her. It’s time she moved on.” ~ International-Fee255
“It’s never too late to start your dream career and if you have the talent you can work towards making it reality.”
“My sister started acting as an adult because it had been her dream as a teen but life had been too rough to try back then.”
“She did this on her own.”
“My parents had kicked her out at 16.”
“She married young and had kids young.”
“She got her GED and a job to survive.”
“And then after raising her kids to adulthood she decided she wanted to try acting as a hobby.”
“It started small as extras.”
“And supporting rolls in small series.”
“And now she’s been in 3 or 4 movies that are pretty good.”
“One won a film festival and another is on Amazon.”
“And she does commercials for big companies. Heck.”
“She mentioned recently the self done things are a bigger hit since COVID happened.”
“Tiktok celebs doing stuff for brands rather than huge production crews.”
“Don’t feel bad, OP. You’re a better parent than some.” ~ PolyPolyam
“NTA. You made the choice you felt was better for her long-term and that made more sense for your family financially.”
“She might have been a big star if you let her go.”
“She might also have hit the same talent-saturated walls that she is hitting now anyway.”
“I don’t fault you for your decision, even if you do come off a tad condescending towards the arts.”
“That being said, there is not much you can do about her blaming you.”
“You have already made the motive behind your decision clear, which is really all there is for you to do.” ~ Legally_Screwy
OP, Reddit understands your choices.
You had to juggle a lot of options.
Hopefully your daughter will understand she still has time to go for it.
it’s on her now.