Part of having a partner is involving them in your life decisions. So, when we don’t include them in a choice it might feel like we’re not taking them into consideration.
Redditor throwRA_25221 encountered this very issue with his S.O.. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for purchasing my own apartment without consulting my partner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained.
“For background, I (28M), have been working in investment banking for the last six years in a bulge bracket bank in New York. I am not an American citizen by birth, but I have been in the country for a decade, while my partner is an American citizen by birth.”
“I just recently completed the naturalization process not too long ago, and decided to purchase a new apartment in my own name as a sort of ‘completion gift’ to myself.”
“I managed to pay 80% of the cost up front due to one of my deferred compensation plans paying out recently, and I would be paying off the remainder over the next three years.”
OP explained financial dynamics in his relationship.
“Me and my partner have split finances, so this financial obligation really only affects me.”
“She found out about it not too long ago when I received a few documents in the mail and left on my desk. For reference, I have already moved in to my new place which she has been aware of.”
“After finding out, she got angry at me for not consulting her about my choice to purchase my own place.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“If you don’t live together or not engaged, NTA. BUT it is kind of weird to do such a major thing and not at least mention it to your partner. I can see how she’d be mad. Kind of sends a message that you don’t really consider her to be your partner.” ~ Sinsoftheflesh7
“I mentioned that I was getting my own place, but I think I f*cked up when I didn’t elaborate that by getting my own place I meant that I was purchasing my own home.” ~ throwRA_25221
Redditors were confused about the timeline.
“First, congrats on the new place!”
“Second, how long have you been with your partner? If it’s not long enough to be serious, then NTA. If you’re pretty serious, then kind of YTA because you’re basically implied that you don’t have a future together. And yeah, when you’re young and living in an expensive place, getting your own place usually means renting.”
“You might be able to salvage the situation if you tell her that it’s an investment choice and that it’ll turn into a rental property if you two get your own place later on.” ~ BazlarTheGnome
“If they planed on moving in he basically chose their future home without consulting her so I would say that’s a YTA move.” ~ Creative-Training175