People living with a disability are not responsible for justifying or explaining their situation.
Now, yes, they may often choose to share about their struggle, but the rest of the world is not entitled to the story.
But oftentimes people can’t help but ask.
Redditor Screw_The_Roses_1986 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting to educate a kid about my wheelchair?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hey everyone…”
“I (39 F[emale]) temporarily have to use a wheelchair for longer distances due to a currently undiagnosed issue with my leg.”
“My P[hysical] T[herapsit] advised me to use one, and my husband rented a nice, small wheelchair for me.”
“I’m able to roll myself (good workout) and did some training and manoeuvres in our local shopping center.”
“I visited a small zoo last weekend with my husband.”
“My husband was getting coffee, and I was waiting outside the restaurant.”
“A kid (age 7? I don’t know, not good with ages) and his dad got curious about my wheelchair.”
“I understand that kids get curious and want to ask questions, but I barely understand why I’m in a wheelchair currently.”
I was really not in the mood to explain my issues or be educational about it.”
“So I just mentioned that sometimes someone’s leg doesn’t work.”
“Cue to more questions, and I said that I didn’t want to answer more questions because I was tired.”
“The kid’s dad wasn’t pleased with that response and mentioned that it was a good lesson for the kid.”
“Now, I basically wanted to tell him that I’m not a zoo attraction.”
“But there was a kid, and I didn’t want to make a drama.”
“Luckily, my husband showed up with coffee and rolled me away.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Neither the child nor his father had a right to know your medical history. NTA.” ~ SteampunkRobin
“I was like, a good lesson?”
“This random person is a good lesson???!”
“Are you f-ing kidding me?”
“She is not a lesson.”
“She’s a human who is f-ing tired.”
“Leave her alone.”
“I would have said, ‘then go teach it somewhere else.'”
“I wouldn’t care about being blunt in this case.”
“You don’t have to be mean or direct it at the kid, but it’s good for the kid to see his father being rebuked for his bad behavior.”
“That, in and of itself, is a lesson.” ~ Theotherone56
“I’m a mom to a kiddo with a disability, and I hate how suddenly the role of being a disability advocate, educator, question answerer, public opinion giver, etc., is now also put on my plate.”
“NTA. That dad was totally the AH.”
“The kid was just curious, NTA either.”
“The dad’s responsibility to teach him.” ~ RoughEngine4746
“NTA. The kids were fine.”
“The dad was presumptuous, and you were right–you’re not a zoo attraction.” ~ 1962Michael
“NTA. If the dad wanted an educational moment for his child, he could have taught the kid the importance of respecting boundaries when someone says no to something.”
“Instead, neither dad nor kid was understanding.”
“I’m sorry OP, it sounds like you were very kind, and I hope that this doesn’t discourage you from sharing with others should they ask, but know that you have every right to refuse to share your personal details with anyone.” ~ AprilTheAce
“NTA. You’re not a teacher.”
“You’re not a tour guide, counselor, tutor, nanny, or babysitter.”
“If that guy wants to teach his child about the world, he can do it himself rather than insisting that strangers explain their medical history to his son.” ~ junkdrawertales
“NTA, obviously.”
“Not only did he treat you as a zoo attraction, but he also expected you to perform like a seal show.”
“If he wants to educate his son, read the descriptions on the exhibits and KNOW other human beings are not props in HIS life.”
“Obviously, you had no obligation to explain anything, and DID NOT come off with a poor response.”
“Hope you get better and that dude/dad was an AH.” ~ catskilkid
“NTA. You shouldn’t have to share your private medical information with any stranger, a child, or otherwise.”
“The parent should be teaching the kid boundaries, how to have them and not violate them.”
“The parent is the AH.” ~ Same-Honeydew5598
“NTA. You weren’t an @ss to the kid by any stretch of the imagination.”
“You gave an age-appropriate explanation for why you were in the chair (thus not ignoring his question), and there’s nothing else to justify the parent not cutting off the questions at that point.”
“The dad was the a**hole, not you. He can give his kid the ‘lesson’ once they’ve moved away – you aren’t responsible for parenting his kid.”
“I hope the doctors figure out the cause soon!”
“I can’t even imagine the stress you’re dealing with, but this internet stranger is sending hugs and healing vibes.” ~ baronessindecisive
“NTA. I’ve been in similar situations.”
“Could you have provided some details, yes, but it’s not required and shouldn’t be expected.”
“Frankly, the father should have interrupted and told his child that we don’t just start badgering strangers with personal questions.”
“He also should have been able to provide an explanation to his kid.”
“I think you should have told the father exactly this, including that you aren’t an exhibit.” ~ iheartwords
“It’s completely reasonable to set a boundary when you’re tired or simply don’t feel like sharing.”
“Kids are naturally curious, but that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to become their teacher, especially about something as personal as your health.”
“The dad could’ve taken the opportunity to explain to his kid that some people use wheelchairs for different reasons, without putting that responsibility on you.”
“You handled it politely and didn’t create a scene…that’s all anyone can expect.”
“You’re definitely not the AH here.” ~ speedyher
“NTA, I am both a mom and disabled.”
“I understand kids are curious, but that’s your job to discuss with your kids.”
“It is 100% not my job to break down the tasks my Service Dog performs and why I need them.”
“My reduced function from my disability also means I am quite often physically and mentally exhausted from the basic act of existing.”
“It is even worse when I suffer a sudden loss of function and am learning a new accommodation.”
“You are not the A, and you are not alone.” ~ Remote-Cellist5927
“NTA. So freaking rude of that dad to not shut it down.”
“Disabled people are not for your entertainment or education.”
“If someone chooses to share about their private medical information, they can, but it should never be expected.”
“You were great with the sometimes legs don’t work comment.”
“That’s more than a sufficient answer.” ~ Bluevanonthestreet
“NTA. As soon as you said you were tired, the dad should have ushered his kid away.”
“It’s one thing for the dad to be happy to see his kid interact with a willing person to learn something; it’s another for him to expect people to attend to his child as if that were their job.”
“He obviously lacks the insight that if people interact with his child in that way, they are going out of their way purely out of kindness, so if they indicate they are busy, unwell, or the like, he should be there to make sure his kid isn’t being intrusive and unwelcome.”
“It’s his failure, not yours.” ~ kurokomainu
“NTA. When my kid was around 6 or 7, we encountered a guy in a wheelchair at the pool.”
“Kiddo was curious about the guy and was asking me questions.”
“What we didn’t do was approach the man to answer his questions, as that’s not his responsibility.”
“Additionally, I figured people with visible disabilities might get tired of answering questions like that when they’re just out living their life.”
“I answered my kids’ questions and that was that.” ~ ComtesseCrumpet
“NTA. The kid asking questions can be excused because he doesn’t really know any better.”
“7-year-olds don’t really have a filter; they say what’s on their mind.”
“But the dad was being a tool; he should have redirected the kid immediately when he realized you weren’t enthusiastic about discussing the situation.” ~ chiguy307
“NTA, it seems like in recent years there’s been a movement to teach kids to ask questions when they don’t understand things, to encourage them to be inquisitive.”
“That can’t exist in a vacuum, however.”
“Kids also need to be taught how to treat people with respect and dignity, and how not to demean someone by reducing their identity to a concept and expecting them to be some sort of ambassador.”
“It sounds like this dad was being lazy as s**t about the latter half of this concept.” ~ manguefille
“NTA. Not everyone in a wheelchair wants to have to tell every stranger why they’re in a wheelchair and other wheelchair info.”
“His dad should know at the very least that sometimes people are born and their legs don’t work, and sometimes people get sick or hurt and they stop working, so they push themselves around in a wheelchair.”
“That’s all the son really needs to know anyway.”
“He should be able to tell him that on his own.” ~ Mundane-Fruit-9266
“NTA… respecting boundaries is also a good lesson for a child.”
“I have an autistic child who wants to know EVERYTHING about everyone.”
“She gets really excited about wheelchairs and other mobility and medical devices, as she has several friends with them.”
“Never in a million years would I feel entitled to an answer.”
“If someone wants to talk about it, then awesome.”
“If not, awesome.”
“Respecting boundaries is paramount.” ~ BerniesSurfBoard
Reddit is with you, OP.
You have no obligation to explain your wheelchair.
You need to focus on your own peace.
Good Luck.