Once a person decides to cheat on their partner, it’s very likely that they will do it again.
Especially if they decide to go back to the scene of the crime, side-eyed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor ThrowRA_LemonadeBery had been supportive of their husband going to another country on a solo trip to get a mental health break the year before, only to later find out that he’d intentionally gone on that trip to meet another woman and cheat on them.
So when he wanted to go to that country again in the new year, the Original Poster (OP) was immediately suspicious and said no to him going, even though he promised that he had good intentions this time.
They asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my husband that I’ll leave him if he goes on another solo vacation?”
The OP’s husband broke their trust the year before during a solo trip.
“To give some context: Last year, my husband took a trip to another country under the guise of a solo mental health vacation.”
“In reality, he was having an affair and met up with another woman.”
The OP refused to support another solo trip after the previous betrayal.
“Fast forward a year. We’ve both been trying to work on things individually and as a couple.”
“Recently, he mentioned wanting to return to that same country, saying he loved it and needed a mental break from work, kids, and finances…”
“He insists his intentions are different this time and promises he’s not going back for the same reasons.”
“Still, I told him no. I don’t feel comfortable with it, and I’ve made it clear that if he goes, I will leave.”
The OP felt like their husband was gaslighting them.
“He thinks I’m being unreasonable.”
“So, am I being an a**hole? He’s making me feel like I’m just being overly dramatic.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that their husband asking for another solo trip was inconsiderate, as well as a red flag.
“Cheating destroys trust in a relationship, and it takes work to get it back. He doesn’t seem to realize the gravity of what he’s done if he thinks you’ll just shrug your shoulders at another ‘solo vacation’ when he’s using the same excuses as last time.”
“NTA. This is a fair deal breaker.” – that0neBl1p
“Trust after an affair needs boring transparency, not a sequel vacation. Asking to revisit the scene is wild. OP’s boundary isn’t dramatic; it’s baseline self-respect.” – Xleusajan
“NTA. Maybe the place IS really beautiful and he DID really love it, and maybe he really does NOT intend to cheat on you this time. But even if he WAS only going for mental health, he’s inconsiderate (at the very least) to go to the same place by himself (supposedly) that he went to when having an affair.”
“If the tables were turned, there’s no way he’d be okay with you doing that. Both trips were/are for mental health? Yeah, he’d be finding a different place to live when he gets back, so he can permanently deal with his mental health.” – Normal_Air7231
“He has a lot of gall to expect that his betrayed wife would be cool with him returning to the scene of his crime against their family. He doesn’t sound remorseful, just self-serving. NTA.” – FleeshaLoo
“He already used a solo trip as a cover to cheat; of course you don’t trust him heading back to the same place alone!”
“If he actually valued rebuilding your trust, he’d plan a vacation with you.” – Lazzykittygirl
“If he valued gaining back your trust, then he would have planned a vacation for the both of you, but he got too relaxed, because he feels he manipulated you into forgiving him the first time, and by all means, a second time won’t hurt.” – Frazzledivy
“Does he not think that OP might want a mental break from work, kids, and finances, too? When does he plan to let OP have the same luxury? Even without the cheating, it’s selfish of him to plan multiple vacations only thinking about himself.”
“Does he not care that going on a solo vacation means increasing his partner’s workload by leaving them to manage everything by themselves? (Or does he just contribute so little to childcare and household labour anyway that his absence wouldn’t make a difference?)”
“NTA.” – pocketfullofdragons
Others could already see the relationship’s finish line.
“Just him asking should be the final nail in the coffin. The affair probably should have ended the marriage, but the fact that he thinks it’s cool to go to the same place again speaks volumes about how little respect he has for OP and that he feels emboldened to f**k around again.” – The_Nice_Marmot
“I took this desire for a second solo trip to the same place as, first, that he’s a cheater, and, second, that he thinks his wife is not intelligent. Same place, flying solo…”
“Offer to get a sitter and go with him. If he says no, leave. Heck, plan to leave now. Please don’t stay with a man who disrespects you.” – VinnaynayMane
“OP, this should be a case of ‘how stupid does he think I am?!’ I would be insulted for that alone.”
“The fact that he’s even suggesting it shows he doesn’t care how his actions have impacted your relationship.”
“Let him go and just pack his sh*t while he’s gone. He doesn’t plan on changing; he just wants you to bury your head up your a** about it.” – Remote_Bumblebee2240
“100% he will cheat again. And again. And again.”
“I watched my dad, who left us when I was six, cheat on a succession of stepmothers over the years.”
“My mother laughed at the one he married after her when she left him. He went full man-opause meltdown, surprisingly for a selfish narcissist.”
“My mother never bad-mouthed him in front of us kids, but when I was an older teen, she exclaimed, ‘He can leave the house for a pack of cigarettes and cheat.'”
“But seriously… OP, anyone thats had that betrayal, all the counseling, talk, etc., never makes it whole again. Every trip, odd phone call, doubt, distrust, every time opens that wound. This guy is red flag alert, blatant.” – Altitudedog
“LOL. Sorry, I don’t mean to be an a**hole. I understand people can be so blinded by their emotions and manipulations by their loved ones, but this is a pretty open and shut case, OP.”
“You can’t stop him from going, but you are under no obligation to abide by his incredibly thoughtless, callous, and disrespectful decision. It’s a miracle you stayed in the first place.”
“Go find someone who appreciates you and adds to your love and your life.” – Dependent-Fee-3671
“This is what always happens when you stay with cheaters.”
“What did you expect? Do you really think he loves or respects you?”
“He just thinks you’re a doormat who won’t leave no matter how much he mistreats you. Have some self-respect and leave.” – FartMasterChamp
“If he felt any shame at all or remorse, he wouldn’t dare to go anywhere without you, much less to the very place that he cheated on you with the same excuse of needing a mental break.”
“So he needs a mental break from you? If he didn’t flat-out say it, it is all there in his comment because you’re not part of that vacation. I mean, what parent gets a mental break from their kids?”
“Wow, not only is he a terrible husband, but he also sounds like a terrible parent. I bet he doesn’t do much with the kids or for the kids and is just using that as an excuse.”
“Please stop being a doormat.” – Ok_Day_8786
“Leave him. YTA if you stay. The fact that he cheated should have had you walking, but the mere fact that he wants to take the same ‘solo’ vacay and has the nerve to ask for it and then to expect you to be okay with it instead of taking a vacation with you is outrageous.”
“He’s still cheating. Guaranteed. Just let him go ‘solo’ around with other women while you start a new, incredible life for yourself and your children. You’ll be so much better off, I promise.” – North-Addendum7610
“Actually, OP is the AH.”
“To herself for hoping that a cheater will stay faithful. Now he’s comfortable enough to strike again, and he is guilt-tripping her and gaslighting her. He believes she will cave.”
“If she says she will leave, she needs to stick to her guns and actually serve him papers when he leaves.” – 0-Ahem-0
The subReddit was left cringing at the fact that the OP had stayed in the first place and gave their husband a second chance to preserve their marriage and their relationship with their kids.
But it was clear to them that the husband was not interested in doing that, especially since he was already ready for his next “solo” trip, which likely wouldn’t be very “solo” at all, since he wanted to go back to the scene of the crime.
It seemed to the subReddit that it was time for the OP to finally do what they should have done in the beginning, which was let their husband go on his next “solo” trip and move on to a better life while he was abroad.