When two people fall in love and decide to get married, obviously, their wedding day is about them, their love, and the new life journey they’re beginning together.
But many more considerate couples also view the day as being about the loved ones that they want to celebrate their marriage with, and they do everything they can to make their loved ones feel appreciated and comfortable during their big day, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Vivienne-MiniBee94 was excited to attend her friend’s wedding and celebrate her marriage.
Since she was also a vegetarian, she included her dietary restrictions in her RSVP.
When her dietary restrictions were not honored, the Original Poster (OP) no longer felt welcome and decided to leave the wedding early.
She asked the sub:
“Was I overreacting by leaving my friend’s wedding reception early because she ‘forgot’ about my dietary restriction?”
The OP was excited to attend her friend’s wedding and also RSVPed as a vegetarian.
“I (30 Female) am a vegetarian, and my friend (29 Female) getting married knows this.”
“When I RSVP’d, I said ‘yes,’ of course, and also checked the ‘vegetarian’ option box.”
As a result, the OP was surprised when she attended the wedding reception.
“But at the reception, when dinner was served, my plate came out with chicken. I flagged it, and the server said they didn’t have any vegetarian meals prepared.”
“I ended up eating bread and salad while everyone else had a full dinner.”
“I stayed for the speeches, but when the dancing started, I quietly slipped out and went home to actually eat.”
The bride called the OP out on leaving early.
“The next day, the bride texted me, saying she noticed I left early and that it was ‘hurtful.'”
“I told her honestly that I felt excluded, hungry, and uncomfortable all night.”
“She got defensive and said I was ‘overreacting over food’ and should’ve just ‘enjoyed the moment.'”
“Now I feel guilty but also upset. I’m second-guessing myself for not waiting for a late dinner.”
“AIO for leaving?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some found it rich that the bride was more worried about attendance than the comfort of someone she called a friend, and yet did not plan accommodations for.
“NOR. I would have left, too, OP.”
“As a vegetarian for the last 35 years, I can tell you what always happens to me in these situations is that: they bring out the plate with chicken on it; I say I’m a vegetarian; they say okay and come back out with a plate that looks like everyone else’s except no chicken.”
“I always marvel at the ingenuity and imagination of whoever prepared the meal… (sarcasm), but at least I could eat!” – Sparklemagic2002
“Yeah, every time I see one of these ‘all I could eat was bread’ posts, I’m flabbergasted as someone who’s been in events and catering for a long time. There are ALWAYS last-minute dietary requests, and vegetarian is an incredibly common one.”
“I can’t imagine not having available food for an extra guest. If it’s something more unusual and hyper-specific? OK, maybe we have one marked plate and that’s it. But for a vegetarian? At the very least, you can just pile all the veggie sides on a plate for them.”
“I literally can’t imagine just telling a guest, ‘No, no food for you, sorry.'” – quickthorn_
“I have catered wedding events. It’s just unbelievable to me that the venue did not have anything vegetarian they could put together at short notice.”
“I always ALWAYS had one spare for each dish and allowed for vegetarian and last-minute gluten-free diets. The contract may say strictly the number of plates ordered, but we’ve all been in a situation where someone drops a plate of food, someone gets sick, or someone has a dietary issue.”
“We’re all so much more attuned to complaints and even litigation about allergies, it just seemed like good practice. How easy is it to make a Spanish omelet? Kitchen staff (and me!) always got the spares that weren’t needed.”
“Any caterers out there? Is it just me ?” – LouieAvalonMac
“NOR. I think you don’t even offer if you have no intention of doing it. Once someone checks it, that’s what they should be fed.”
“None of the, ‘Well, I wanted more people to pick it before I actually order it’ nonsense. No. If you mentally need four people to order it, you and your bride/groom order it to, just to make sure.”
“I got into an explosive fight with someone who was getting married. They had on the invited Kosher food option. Two people (husband and wife) checked that off.”
“They were rattling about how kosher food costs more, and it’s only for two people, so they won’t even notice. I was so angry for the two unsuspecting friends who were going to be fed food not prepared properly, and actually having hidden pork in it, that I stopped talking to that person.”
“I have no idea how it turned out. I hope she did the right thing. Also, NOR.” – TangledUpPuppeteer
“I’ve had people forget that I was allergic to eggs, which I am emphatically vocal about, but noticed that I left a party early, or that got offended that I brought my own food or ate just before arriving, so I wasn’t eating the party food. People like that definitely exist, and it’s gross. NOR.” – TrelanaSakuyo
Others were surprised that the bride was ungrateful enough to pick on one guest, especially a friend, about leaving early.
“Do people at their own weddings actually notice if one person disappears for the evening?”
“I attended my old college friend’s wedding a couple of years ago. I played in a little chamber group that provided music right before and after the service. I was going to attend the reception, but I was so uncomfortable (service/reception were both outdoors, and it was close to 95°F and muggy) and so anxious because I was alone.”
“I am not connected to the other people in his social circle, didn’t know anyone else at the reception, I am not a drinker/dancer/partyer, I just don’t do well trying to meet new people at big social events, so I made the executive decision to slip away and go home.”
“To this day, he has no clue that I bailed early. When we hang out, he’ll sometimes mention, ‘Oh, my friend X… I don’t think you know her, but maybe you met her at the wedding?'”
“He was too busy drinking and dancing and having fun and celebrating his nuptials to be worried about me, AS HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BECAUSE IT WAS HIS WEDDING!” – b_revity
“My partner and I left a wedding early last weekend because he was feeling unwell. We didn’t make a fuss, just slipped out.”
“The next day, the groom texted to make sure we were both okay. I find it a bit strange that the OP’s friend didn’t ask if they were alright before going on the attack and talking about being hurt.” – pilapala23
“We’re assuming they forgot and didn’t just not give a f**k. They don’t care that OP left early, they care that someone left early and how it might reflect on them.” – Imnotawerewolf
“NOR. You leaving early did not reflect poorly on the happy couple, and you and I know that.”
“But not everyone knows that. There are more people than I assume you’d like to imagine who go through life assuming everything is a slight against them, for whatever their reasons are.”
“Like, you could not even have noticed them and squinted at the sun, and they’d be like that b***h is gonna stand there and judge me, tho? Squint their birch a** eyes at me?”
“We’re not talking about reasonable people, here.” – glassbellwitch
“We can joke about how issues come up on Reddit, where an unsuspecting OP leaves a wedding reception early due to being insulted or forgotten in some way, only for them to get yelled at that IT RUINED THE ENTIRE EVENING; I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE BEING SO DRAMATIC OVER [an actually significant issue, like being a vegetarian].”
“We’re jesting and goofing off in here, but I empathize with the OP and want to shout out NOR, because I’ve actually experienced this drama.”
“I was a bridesmaid and mentioned to other bridesmaids (only one of whom I actually knew) that my husband was not invited. I don’t know the real reason why he wasn’t invited because this bride lies all the time, but allegedly, he had gotten up from a crowded picnic table to make space for her to sit, and she took it as a slight that he hated her.”
“One of the other bridesmaids I didn’t know later asked the bride about my husband not being invited, and the bride said I was intentionally making her look bad in front of her friends (by… telling the truth?).”
“She then told me in text, that it was better if I just stayed home, and that I had ruined everything, and how she now had to tell the other bridesmaids that my husband is abusive, and that’s why she suddenly lost a bridesmaid. She insinuated she’d ruin my life if I crashed her wedding.”
“Spoiler: my husband was and is not abusive; the only abusive person in this story is the bride herself.”
“The day before the wedding, the one bridesmaid I’m friends with said the bride told her I was attending the wedding. This was news to me because I was explicitly told not to show my face. I couldn’t find a message from the bride anywhere that I was now re-invited, but it didn’t matter because I had no dress other than the bridesmaid dress, which obviously I wouldn’t wear.”
“AND after the whole, ‘I’m telling everyone you are in an unhappy, abusive marriage’ lie, I wasn’t going to show up to celebrate hers. Turns out she had used a chat program we had not used to communicate through in years.”
“In hindsight, maybe she thought I had blocked her. I didn’t; I had just changed my status to offline because I didn’t want her to think I was available for her to keep hurtling insults, threats, and negativity at me.”
“Anyway, apparently by not showing up like I was told not to do under threat of ‘getting my life ruined,’ I somehow still ‘ruined her wedding.'” – moarwineprs
The subReddit was happy to support the OP and her decision to leave the wedding early so that she could take care of herself, get some food, and be comfortable.
If the bride really valued the OP, and not just having another person in attendance, she should have planned for the OP to be able to eat or at least apologize when she discovered the real reason she’d left the reception early.