No matter how confident someone is, everyone has some insecurities, whether it's about their body, their personality, or their life accomplishments.
But it's low to push your own insecurities onto someone else, almost like you expect them to take those insecurities on as their own, side-eyed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor purplehavocc thought that things were going well with the guy she was dating, but she noticed that he didn't like the fact that they were so similar in height.
The Original Poster (OP) only realized how serious he was about it when he broke up with her over wearing high heels to a party.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by being upset and confused that my boyfriend dumped me because I was taller than him in heels?"
The OP thought things were going well with a guy she was dating.
"I (19 Female) was dating this guy (26 Male) for a few months. He was the same height as me, maybe even half an inch shorter, but honestly, I didn't really care."
"I love wearing heels when I go out because they make me feel confident, and I don't think height should matter in a relationship."
But he had a shocking reaction when the OP dressed up for a party.
"Anyway, last weekend we went to a party my friend invited us, too, and I wore heels. The whole night, he was super quiet and moody, and barely talking to me."
"On the way home, he straight up told me he hates when I wear heels because it makes me taller than him and that it 'emasculates' him. He literally said it makes him feel like less of a man being with me."
"I laughed it off at first awkwardly, but then he said, 'I don't think this is going to work, I need someone more feminine…' and then he actually broke up with me over it."
"He dropped me home, didn't say goodbye or kiss me, and sped off as I was shutting the door. Like he dumped me because I was taller than him in heels."
"THEN… he basically crashed out on me over text later on in the night I don't have a lot of dating experience, so I don't know if this is normal or not, to be honest."
The OP then shared two slides of unhinged text messages.
When the OP tried to clarify why he was breaking up with her, the boyfriend wrote:
"[You're] embarrassing to be around and even now when [I'm] not with [you], [you're] still embarrassing.""Do [you] realize what [you've] done? I gave [you] everything, and [you threw] it back in my face."
"When [you're] actually old enough and mature, [you] will remember this time and realize [you] f**ked up."
u/purplehavocc/Reddit
The OP remained confused about what happened:
"I just wore heels, though?""I don't mean that hostile, just literally confused."
"Seems like [you] flipped so quick and now [I'm] just feeling confused."
The boyfriend further pushed the issue:
"[You're] too masculine for me, and I deserve better.""I'm high value. [You] are still a child and finding [your] way in life."
"[It's] not [your] fault. I understand [you] aren't very conscious and have baby brain."
"I have a high value network and when [I'm] around big, big people who I can network with, I need someone who shows me off and compliments me."
"Makes me look good in front of others."
"[You're] not that."
u/purplehavocc/Reddit
The OP still felt conflicted.
"I honestly don't know whether to be sad or just embarrassed that I even dated him in the first place."
"Am I overreacting for thinking that's the most insecure, petty reason to end things?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some laughed in the ex-boyfriend's face over his obvious sexism and insecurities.
"LOL, I'm so sorry, girl; he sounds SO insecure. 'Wahhh! My girlfriend is taller than me in shoes that... make her tall!' Like, please, he needs to work on his fragile masculinity before dating another person."
"My ex was shorter than me, and I love wearing platforms (I'm only like 5'1 and he was 4'11) and he'd lose his S**T over me wearing them."
"I dumped his insecure little a**, and it was the best thing I'd ever done. Someone who's that mad over their partner's looks/physical features they can't control is not someone worth looking at, let alone being with."
"Wishing you heaps of luck and positivity, NOR." - EffectiveUse3760
"I laughed out loud reading those texts. Like, 'waah waaah, don't you see I'm very important?!'"
"There are five-year-olds better at controlling their own tantrums."
"In the words of Tywin Lannister: Any man who must say, 'I am the King' is no true king."
"If he were really that big of a deal, he wouldn't be making this kind of fuss. He already took his a** out to the curb himself, OP; leave him there." - AmenaBellafina
"Eww, the little man child got his feelings hurt! Girl, you deserve so much better. Also, 26 years old, dating teenagers while also behaving like one?! You are much better off without him, I promise." - phatbatazz
"NOR. Don't take this the wrong way, but he's with you because he's hoping you don't know any better, so he can pull this bulls**t with you."
"He's just a control freak, that's all. Luckily for you, he revealed himself earl,y and you can get out unscathed."
"He will try to make comments to damage your ego on his way out, like calling you immature and saying you have baby brain. Remember, that's just him lashing out because he couldn't control you."
"Please, for the love of god, he's giving you a get out of jail free card here. Grab it with both hands and RUN." - Tough-Ad-3255
"EWWWWW. WTF?? A 26-year-old guy is pissed by the fact that you wore heels? LOL, that's the most pathetic excuse anyone's ever heard of from this piece of s**t."
"So he thinks you wearing heels makes you taller and more masculine??? This dude really needs to touch grass, he's really that f**king dense not knowing that heels are feminine accessories."
"OP, you really need to get rid of him from your life, for good. Trust me on this one. You don't need a man who has a low IQ and doesn't know how to manage his own insecurities, such a fragile and immature scumbag."
"And you're young, very young; you have to take some time to figure out how you can properly set boundaries in order not to let anyone take advantage of you to make themselves more powerful. You're a wonderful and beautiful young lady, and no one should tell you otherwise."
"Try to take a break from romantic relationships and start learning about self-care, if you're into reading, I recommend, 'Gentlewoman. Etiquette for a lady, from a gentleman,' by Enitan O. Bereola II; he makes really strong points about romantic relationship etiquette in his book, not just about romantic relationships, but also has written other great points about self-worth, finances, health care, etc."
"On a final note, remember that this scumbag's anger doesn't reflect who you are as an individual; he's just projecting his own insecurities onto you for his ego not to be bruised (clearly shows that it's bruised). It's NEVER your fault. You got this, girl!" - SimonaAlex
Others agreed and reassured the OP that she had nothing to apologize for or feel insecure about.
"It's honestly sad that there are men who shame tall women for simply existing."
"Like, I'm sorry your growth stunted at 12 and that you're shorter than the average person, but that doesn't mean you can bully and belittle another person for something they cannot control."
"There's nothing 'masculine' or 'feminine' about height." - Fun_Skirt8220
"I'm 5'6" male, and I generally try to date people my height or shorter, but I did date a 5'10" woman. People cracked jokes on occasion, but I would just brush that s**t off. If I like you, it's not due to how tall you are, and me being shorter only makes me less of a man if I accept it."
"If she had worn heels, she would have been way taller than me, but there are absolutely occasions where I assume it's fun to wear them and where it's sort of socially expected, not to mention that it would just be dumb to get upset about."
"You did nothing wrong, OP; this guy is DUMB." - DPlurker
"NOR!! This 'man' is pathetic. The way he is speaking to you is disgusting. He is so insecure that he is trying to put you down and make you feel less than him. GROSS!"
"In answer to your last statement, unfortunately, just be embarrassed you dated him and proud that he's gone now."
"I also promise you, the only thing you will realize eventually is just how awful he truly was. You definitely are not going to regret never talking to him again!" - bluelights0121
"You've had a lucky escape to get away from him this early; he's bad news."
"Him talking about being 'high value' is a massive red flag, you've done absolutely nothing wrong here, wear your heels, a real man wouldn't care."
"He's massively insecure and his reaction is utterly bizarre, just be glad he's out of your life and move on." - Hulla_Sarsaparilla
"Mans watches 'Tate and Fresh and Fit' 100%. OP dodged a massive bullet."
"Legit OP, this man never had any interest in you as a person whatsoever lol. He just dated you because having a 19-year-old on his arm gave him some very bizarre social credit, because his 'high value network' are probably the kind of toxic weirdos who think adult men dating teenagers is awesome."
"And the second he thought you didn't make him look amazing, boom, mask comes off, and he f**king hates you."
"Go find a nice guy closer to your own age who actually likes you. Or better yet, don't."
"Just focus on school, your career, and building a nice life for yourself. It'll build your confidence, and next time a man like this comes anywhere near you, you'll know better than to give him the time of day." - velvetstatic
The subreddit was a mixture of judgmental and cackling over the OP's ex-boyfriend, and they were grateful that the boyfriend did the heavy lifting and ended the relationship himself.
If he was going to let something as small as this stop him from a quality relationship, he needed to sort some ideologies out before dating again.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.