No matter how confident someone is, everyone has some insecurities, whether it’s about their body, their personality, or their life accomplishments.
But it’s low to push your own insecurities onto someone else, almost like you expect them to take those insecurities on as their own, side-eyed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor purplehavocc thought that things were going well with the guy she was dating, but she noticed that he didn’t like the fact that they were so similar in height.
The Original Poster (OP) only realized how serious he was about it when he broke up with her over wearing high heels to a party.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by being upset and confused that my boyfriend dumped me because I was taller than him in heels?”
The OP thought things were going well with a guy she was dating.
“I (19 Female) was dating this guy (26 Male) for a few months. He was the same height as me, maybe even half an inch shorter, but honestly, I didn’t really care.”
“I love wearing heels when I go out because they make me feel confident, and I don’t think height should matter in a relationship.”
But he had a shocking reaction when the OP dressed up for a party.
“Anyway, last weekend we went to a party my friend invited us, too, and I wore heels. The whole night, he was super quiet and moody, and barely talking to me.”
“On the way home, he straight up told me he hates when I wear heels because it makes me taller than him and that it ’emasculates’ him. He literally said it makes him feel like less of a man being with me.”
“I laughed it off at first awkwardly, but then he said, ‘I don’t think this is going to work, I need someone more feminine…’ and then he actually broke up with me over it.”
“He dropped me home, didn’t say goodbye or kiss me, and sped off as I was shutting the door. Like he dumped me because I was taller than him in heels.”
“THEN… he basically crashed out on me over text later on in the night I don’t have a lot of dating experience, so I don’t know if this is normal or not, to be honest.”
The OP then shared two slides of unhinged text messages.
When the OP tried to clarify why he was breaking up with her, the boyfriend wrote:
“[You’re] embarrassing to be around and even now when [I’m] not with [you], [you’re] still embarrassing.”
“Do [you] realize what [you’ve] done? I gave [you] everything, and [you threw] it back in my face.”
“When [you’re] actually old enough and mature, [you] will remember this time and realize [you] f**ked up.”
The OP remained confused about what happened:
“I just wore heels, though?”
“I don’t mean that hostile, just literally confused.”
“Seems like [you] flipped so quick and now [I’m] just feeling confused.”
The boyfriend further pushed the issue:
“[You’re] too masculine for me, and I deserve better.”
“I’m high value. [You] are still a child and finding [your] way in life.”
“[It’s] not [your] fault. I understand [you] aren’t very conscious and have baby brain.”
“I have a high value network and when [I’m] around big, big people who I can network with, I need someone who shows me off and compliments me.”
“Makes me look good in front of others.”
“[You’re] not that.”
The OP still felt conflicted.
“I honestly don’t know whether to be sad or just embarrassed that I even dated him in the first place.”
“Am I overreacting for thinking that’s the most insecure, petty reason to end things?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some laughed in the ex-boyfriend’s face over his obvious sexism and insecurities.
“LOL, I’m so sorry, girl; he sounds SO insecure. ‘Wahhh! My girlfriend is taller than me in shoes that… make her tall!’ Like, please, he needs to work on his fragile masculinity before dating another person.”
“My ex was shorter than me, and I love wearing platforms (I’m only like 5’1 and he was 4’11) and he’d lose his S**T over me wearing them.”
“I dumped his insecure little a**, and it was the best thing I’d ever done. Someone who’s that mad over their partner’s looks/physical features they can’t control is not someone worth looking at, let alone being with.”
“Wishing you heaps of luck and positivity, NOR.” – EffectiveUse3760
“I laughed out loud reading those texts. Like, ‘waah waaah, don’t you see I’m very important?!'”
“There are five-year-olds better at controlling their own tantrums.”
“In the words of Tywin Lannister: Any man who must say, ‘I am the King’ is no true king.”
“If he were really that big of a deal, he wouldn’t be making this kind of fuss. He already took his a** out to the curb himself, OP; leave him there.” – AmenaBellafina
“Eww, the little man child got his feelings hurt! Girl, you deserve so much better. Also, 26 years old, dating teenagers while also behaving like one?! You are much better off without him, I promise.” – phatbatazz
“NOR. Don’t take this the wrong way, but he’s with you because he’s hoping you don’t know any better, so he can pull this bulls**t with you.”
“He’s just a control freak, that’s all. Luckily for you, he revealed himself earl,y and you can get out unscathed.”
“He will try to make comments to damage your ego on his way out, like calling you immature and saying you have baby brain. Remember, that’s just him lashing out because he couldn’t control you.”
“Please, for the love of god, he’s giving you a get out of jail free card here. Grab it with both hands and RUN.” – Tough-Ad-3255
“EWWWWW. WTF?? A 26-year-old guy is pissed by the fact that you wore heels? LOL, that’s the most pathetic excuse anyone’s ever heard of from this piece of s**t.”
“So he thinks you wearing heels makes you taller and more masculine??? This dude really needs to touch grass, he’s really that f**king dense not knowing that heels are feminine accessories.”
“OP, you really need to get rid of him from your life, for good. Trust me on this one. You don’t need a man who has a low IQ and doesn’t know how to manage his own insecurities, such a fragile and immature scumbag.”
“And you’re young, very young; you have to take some time to figure out how you can properly set boundaries in order not to let anyone take advantage of you to make themselves more powerful. You’re a wonderful and beautiful young lady, and no one should tell you otherwise.”
“Try to take a break from romantic relationships and start learning about self-care, if you’re into reading, I recommend, ‘Gentlewoman. Etiquette for a lady, from a gentleman,’ by Enitan O. Bereola II; he makes really strong points about romantic relationship etiquette in his book, not just about romantic relationships, but also has written other great points about self-worth, finances, health care, etc.”
“On a final note, remember that this scumbag’s anger doesn’t reflect who you are as an individual; he’s just projecting his own insecurities onto you for his ego not to be bruised (clearly shows that it’s bruised). It’s NEVER your fault. You got this, girl!” – SimonaAlex
Others agreed and reassured the OP that she had nothing to apologize for or feel insecure about.
“It’s honestly sad that there are men who shame tall women for simply existing.”
“Like, I’m sorry your growth stunted at 12 and that you’re shorter than the average person, but that doesn’t mean you can bully and belittle another person for something they cannot control.”
“There’s nothing ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’ about height.” – Fun_Skirt8220
“I’m 5’6″ male, and I generally try to date people my height or shorter, but I did date a 5’10” woman. People cracked jokes on occasion, but I would just brush that s**t off. If I like you, it’s not due to how tall you are, and me being shorter only makes me less of a man if I accept it.”
“If she had worn heels, she would have been way taller than me, but there are absolutely occasions where I assume it’s fun to wear them and where it’s sort of socially expected, not to mention that it would just be dumb to get upset about.”
“You did nothing wrong, OP; this guy is DUMB.” – DPlurker
“NOR!! This ‘man’ is pathetic. The way he is speaking to you is disgusting. He is so insecure that he is trying to put you down and make you feel less than him. GROSS!”
“In answer to your last statement, unfortunately, just be embarrassed you dated him and proud that he’s gone now.”
“I also promise you, the only thing you will realize eventually is just how awful he truly was. You definitely are not going to regret never talking to him again!” – bluelights0121
“You’ve had a lucky escape to get away from him this early; he’s bad news.”
“Him talking about being ‘high value’ is a massive red flag, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong here, wear your heels, a real man wouldn’t care.”
“He’s massively insecure and his reaction is utterly bizarre, just be glad he’s out of your life and move on.” – Hulla_Sarsaparilla
“Mans watches ‘Tate and Fresh and Fit’ 100%. OP dodged a massive bullet.”
“Legit OP, this man never had any interest in you as a person whatsoever lol. He just dated you because having a 19-year-old on his arm gave him some very bizarre social credit, because his ‘high value network’ are probably the kind of toxic weirdos who think adult men dating teenagers is awesome.”
“And the second he thought you didn’t make him look amazing, boom, mask comes off, and he f**king hates you.”
“Go find a nice guy closer to your own age who actually likes you. Or better yet, don’t.”
“Just focus on school, your career, and building a nice life for yourself. It’ll build your confidence, and next time a man like this comes anywhere near you, you’ll know better than to give him the time of day.” – velvetstatic
The subreddit was a mixture of judgmental and cackling over the OP’s ex-boyfriend, and they were grateful that the boyfriend did the heavy lifting and ended the relationship himself.
If he was going to let something as small as this stop him from a quality relationship, he needed to sort some ideologies out before dating again.