The dating scene is supposed to be fun, but it can be difficult and aggravating to navigate, especially when potential partners do not communicate as well as they should.
Because, let’s face it, a lot of conflicts and misunderstandings could have been skipped entirely with a proper conversation, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Be4rp4wt00 had just gone on her first date with a guy and thought things went pretty well, but the next morning, she received a Venmo request from the guy for the fries they’d split.
Since he had already paid for the meal and she’d covered the tip, she thought the meal was already resolved, but when the Original Poster (OP) received this Venmo request, she felt like it was some kind of petty revenge.
She asked the sub:
“AIO for feeling insulted that my date Venmo-requested three dollars from me for half of the fries?”
The OP had a simple and straightforward first date with a guy.
“I (28 Female) went on a first date with a guy (30 Male).”
“We got burgers and fries to share, and I offered to cover the tip since he paid for the meal.”
But she was puzzled the next morning when she received a Venmo request.
“This morning, I woke up to a Venmo request for 3.25 dollars with the note, ‘half the fries.'”
“At first, I thought it was a joke, but nope, he was serious.”
“I declined it and texted him that it was petty.”
“He responded back, saying I was overreacting, that ‘it’s about fairness,’ and ‘that’s just how he is.'”
The OP questioned the guy’s criticism.
“Now I feel turned off and honestly insulted.”
“My friends are split. Some think I’m being petty, too, but others think it’s a red flag.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some found demanding three dollars to be incredibly petty, especially without having a conversation about it first.
“What’s the real message here?”
“‘I wanted to buy the meal, but decided that I didn’t enjoy myself enough to pay for the whole thing’?”
“‘I’m so broke, that three dollars is a big deal’?”
“‘I’m too weak-willed or vain (or whatever?) to ask up front (or even when you offered to get the tip) to split the bill’?”
“‘I’m setting the stage to be able to ask you for money throughout this relationship’?”
“Obviously, there was some discussion of who was paying since you offered to get the tip, so if he wanted you to chip in more, that was the time to ask, not the next day when he realized (perhaps) that things didn’t go as well as he wanted (or something?)”
“If he offered to pay, which seems to be the case, then it’s not about fairness. Sounds more like buyer’s remorse. Maybe in his mind, it seems fair to ask, because he thought paying for the meal entitled him to something he didn’t get?”
“At 28 and 30, you’re obviously not high school kids (which you might expect this from) and he’s probably not a broke a** college student (from whom it might be marginally understandable).”
“Seems like a major red flag to me, whatever the reason.” – snark_attak
“If he paid for the burgers, asking her to pay half of the fries is probably some sort of test.”
“A friend of mine went through something similar. The guy she was seeing asked her to pay him back, like, five bucks for a coffee, and when she was taken aback by it, he told her he was testing her to see if she was only after his money.”
“Turns out the guy was a redpill weirdo. Funny thing is, the guy was broke. Dude was worried about gold diggers while working in retail.” – ceciliameireles
“It’s because the people they watch tell them that they’re more valuable than women, even when they’re broke. Because they see women as practically property. It’s also a way for someone who’s broke as f**k to inflate their ego by convincing themselves they’re someone worth gold digging over.” – petty_throwaway6969
“I’m a 40-year-old dude, so thank God I was already grown up when this whole high-value/low-value/manosphere (and girls too) started to take shape. I spend a minimal amount of time keeping myself up to date with this kind of stuff, just to see what’s going on with younger people, and the way she described it in the post sounded to me exactly like some ‘advice’ the guy saw on YouTube.”
“I honestly hope this guy is just stingy and rude: it’s hard to believe that a 30 years old man has so little understanding of the world to think that there is a formula that you can apply to any woman, in any date scenario and it will yield a reliable outcome that you can interpret as some sort of water purity test.” – pastapizzapomodoro
Others agreed and confided that this was not someone they would want to date.
“I would send him the money for my whole meal with a public message on Venmo to keep his petty @ss away from me. Let all of his contacts see it. I’ll match petty any day. If he wanted money, he should have taken it when you offered it.”
“I’m so curious as to why he was okay with paying for the burger, but not half of the fries. It’s not like you ordered steak and lobster while he ordered a burger. I always offer to pay for my half and/or tip if they decline.”
“I never expect a free meal or anything. I’m participating in the fun; I can participate by paying, too. If they decline my cash, I accept graciously. I agree with the other comments, dodge the bullet and find someone better.” – MelsAlterEgo8
“If people want to pay for their own meals, great. That’s truly being fair if both agree to it. But let’s be real here: even if they wanted to split for fairness’s sake… this is tacky because it’s such a minimal amount of money. It’s three bucks.”
“It just shows how petty he is. Anyone with a brain knows that requesting three bucks back will 100% guarantee no future date.”
“He’s telling you that the three bucks is more valuable than your company. If he’s so petty, then fine. Send it along with a message to have a great life, and hope the three bucks was worth it. Then block him.” – Ok-Soup-514
“Red flag most definitely. Especially with his statement of ‘that’s just how I am.’ That statement should always have you running. It always comes with red flag behavior, followed by all manners of toxic f**kery.”
“People who use that statement are very committed to their toxic behavior traits, and will always lie and manipulate to justify it.” – fyrelyte11
“As a straight dude, I am SO F**KING GLAD I do not have to deal with men when it comes to dating.”
“I’ve been on hundreds of internet dates over the years, some of which I wasn’t feeling and had to let them down, and not once have I ever heard anything crazy back; it’s always just something along the lines of ‘thank you for being direct, I wish you well.'”
“I’m actually really good friends with a few people I wasn’t romantically into after meeting. When I moved to LA, one of them watched my kitties for months, and I’m flying to Portugal to hang out with her in a few weeks.”
“The amount of sh*t like this that I have heard from my female friends is just astounding. I was zero point zero percent surprised when that bear question was making the rounds.” – MEOWS_R_RAD
Some theorized that the guy was trying to get back at her for not giving him the date night that he wanted.
“Let me ask you this: did he at one point try to become intimate, and you denied him? I’m only asking because that’s what I also experienced.”
“This happened to me on a first date, too. He even TWICE refused my offer to pay half of the meal while we were at the register.”
“After dinner, we went to a bar where I suddenly started to feel really queasy and sick. I threw up in the bathroom, and suspected that I had gotten food poisoning from the restaurant, because I hadn’t even finished half of my drink yet, so it wasn’t from the alcohol.”
“He was concerned and wanted to make sure I got home alright, so he called us a cab, and even stopped to get some nausea medicine for me at the pharmacy. I thought, ‘Wow, he’s so caring and thoughtful to take care of me like this.’ I alternated between puking, apologizing, and thanking him for helping me. He just said he wanted to make sure I got home okay.”
“I figured he would just drop me off at my place and take the cab back to his own place after. Again, even as I was puking out the window of the taxi, I offered to pay for half of the ride, to which he refused.”
“When we got to my place, he got out of the car and tried to come inside with me. I told him that while I appreciate him wanting to help, I was just in no position to have company.”
“He suddenly got extremely angry and said he thought I was inviting him to have sex when we got into the taxi. As if me puking several times in front of him wasn’t already enough of an indication that we would NOT be having sex.”
“He left, and I went inside to continue expelling liquids out of both ends for hours before passing out. The next morning, still nauseated, I woke up to numerous angry texts demanding 90 dollars, and an ITEMIZED payment request from some CashApp. He tried to charge me for dinner, the ENTIRE taxi ride, AND THE MEDICINE.”
“I told him I would not be paying anything, as he had refused my payment several times and offered to get the medicine for me without me even asking him to do so.”
“All because I rejected sex with him. F**king loser.” – Nekojita8
“I went out with this guy, had a great time. I offered to go Dutch multiple times, but he insisted on paying the tab. I was drunk, it was 3:00 AM, and I lived downtown while he lived in the boonies.”
“He asked if he could stay at my place so he didn’t have to pay money for a cab back home, as transportation closed down at 3:00 AM. I was very hesitant, but said yes and that he could sleep on the couch only.”
“The only reason I even allowed that was because we had already gone on a few dates, and I lived with four other people, so I wasn’t super worried about anything horrible happening.”
“Anyway, we got home, he tried to tempt me and made a fuss about sleeping on the couch. I declined the head and the bedfellow, and in the morning, he headed home. I was kind of grossed out about his behaviour and shortly thereafter met and started dating one of the great loves of my life, so I stopped seeing him.”
“When he found out, he was P**SED and sent me an itemized bill, demanding hundreds of dollars for our multiple dates. I didn’t pay, and he ended up stalking me for YEARS. I’m 99 percent sure he came into my room when I wasn’t home. I lived in a rowhouse, and my bedroom spanned the back of the house with an awning below it and two windows, which I kept open in the summer.”
“One day in the winter, I came home and the window was WIDE OPEN, and he texted me around then to, ‘Remember, I know where you live.’ He also continued to call, text, email, social media message, and otherwise harass me for multiple years. I actually also saw him on my way to the subway one morning at 6:00 AM, in a totally random neighbourhood, so I think that was a fluke.”
“He called me a b***h but walked away. Eventually, my boyfriend at the time told him he’d go to the police if the guy didn’t stop. About three years after the fact, he sent me a final message on Thanksgiving, wishing me a happy Thanksgiving.”
“I didn’t recognize the number and so asked who it was, and he goes, ‘Give me my money, b***h!”. About five years after the fact, he texted me from a random number and apologized for everything.”
“And they say women are emotional. Ugh.” – master0jack
“Guys who expect sex for the price of a meal are not only gross, but they are also cheapskates, thinking they can get cheap booty for the price of McDonald’s instead of paying regular price to a professional sex worker.”
“There’s plenty of really cringe losers out there, apparently.” – Constant-Plant-9378
Though few Redditors used the formal rating system of “NOR” or “YOR,” it was clear that they found the OP’s date problematic, if not also petty.
It was one thing to split the bill after discussing the situation, but since the OP had already covered the tip, it seemed the opportunity had already come up and passed for the guy to ask the OP to cover the fries.
More than likely, there was a reason behind the Venmo request, either to “test” the OP for further dating potential or as petty revenge for the date not going in a direction the guy might have felt entitled to, no matter how small the dinner bill had been.
Either way, it sounded like the OP was better off.