Most parents who want advice about their children will ask for it.
Anyone who offers unsolicited criticism of a person’s parenting or of their children is asking for a confrontation.
If someone isn’t in imminent danger, it’s not necessary to offer unwanted critiques.
A father dealing with unappreciated opinions from his sister turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
DadofGymRats93 asked:
“AITA for calling my sister wacko over my boys’ ‘inappropriate’ shower habits?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Dad of teens, boys 17 and 15. They are pretty lucky in that our whole finished basement is their junior Man Cave.”
“It’s not of my doing, the previous owner was a gym rat and really fixed it up. Besides their bedrooms, there’s a little gym area with a couple of machines, free weights and even the world’s tiniest locker room with three lockers and a bench etc…”
“It opens into a pretty large walk-in shower, a mini version of an actual locker room gang shower, about 5×7 feet I guess.”
“The boys think this basement is their kingdom and they love it. So do their friends.”
“When it comes to showering, it’s not usual for them to just leave the water running and one jump in right after the other finishes. It’s not even unusual for them to overlap.”
“In fact it’s not unheard of if they are in a hurry to both jump in at the same time after a workout. It’s a pretty normal gym atmosphere and a decent size shower with a couple of shower heads—not like a bathtub shower or anything.”
“Somehow this setup was mentioned in front of my sister—taking a house tour for the first time recently—and she was appalled. APPALLED.”
“Taking a shower? At the same time? Together? She was positively incredulous.”
“I told her it was absolutely no different than the boys showering at the gym, or in their sports locker rooms at school. Guys, especially athletes, take showers.”
“Yes, together. Happens a million times a day.”
“She said that was very VERY ‘inappropriate’.”
“No idea what’s going on in her mind.”
“I don’t know if it’s the fact that the boys are in there naked, or that they are showering together, or in the same space, or what.”
“Maybe I don’t even want to know.”
“I’m for sure never mentioning their friends also work out down there with them sometimes and shower.”
“I called her a wacko prude, and now she’s not speaking to me or my wife.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be the a**hole because I guess it is pretty rude to call someone a wacko or a prude, especially one’s own sister.”
“I could have just chalked up her attitude to ignorance and kept my mouth shut rather than saying anything at all.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA!! If anything is inappropriate here, it’s her for making a mundane, non-issue into some perverted concern.”
“That is indeed whacko prude behavior, I wonder if she’s uber religious…acting this way because any nudity is a sin or some BS.”
“Good on you, OP. What could she think is so wrong‽‽” ~ booshie
“NTA. I grew up with sauna culture and my friend group is the chill one that doesn’t mind mixed saunas.”
“I probably don’t even need to explain how ridiculous I think your sister is. Being naked doesn’t need to be sexual at all and it’s on your sister for thinking that.” ~ Jatulintarha
“NTA. Looking back as an American adult, it’s wild how crazy and harmful the whole approach is here.”
“From the time you’re a young kid, all you hear is ‘these are your private parts! Nobody is supposed to see them! Don’t even talk about them or you’ll get in trouble! …oh yeah, here’s a room where you have to get naked with everyone else, who’s also been told it’s bad to be naked in front of other people’.”
“I honestly don’t remember a single time being in a locker room when I was a kid where there wasn’t someone being laughed at or mocked.” ~ Molenium
“Guy here. Played all the sports. For f*cks sake, we would shower an inch away from each other, have full conversations, and constantly horseplay.”
“There is literally nothing sexual or weird about it. We’re just dudes man. We don’t give a sh*t. NTA.” ~ derbyman777
“I was in girls’ sports and while we didn’t horseplay, it was always common to be chatting, smelling each other’s body wash if someone had a new one and similar.”
“Band camp was the same as was the first year of college where we had stalls.”
“I don’t know what’s up with your sister, but it’s weird. NTA.” ~ dasbarr
“NTA—I mean getting two teenage boys to even take a shower in and of itself can be a challenge. So I would be happy they are taking them as it is whether separate or not.”
“As far as sharing a shower together, they are close to the same age as brothers. Does she get all weirded out if two toddlers take a bath together?”
“Now if it was an unrelated male adult with one or both, then yeah I get it. But your sister really is the weird one here for being appalled.” ~ Mustng1966
“As a mom, that sounds like a setup I would love.”
“Send all the kiddos in there, hose them down and move on! NTA.” ~ Miascircus
“NTA. Does she also think it’s weird at the gym or in a school locker room? If not, what’s the difference?” ~ Lizm3
“When I was in high school the guys’ locker room was communal showers and no doors on the toilet stalls, but the girls’ locker room had dozens of individual, private shower stalls.”
“So it’s possible she just didn’t realize what lockers are like for dudes. NTA.”
“I can’t imagine what she’d think of the trough style urinals.” ~ TuckerCarlsonsOhface
“NTA and if she brings it up again, directly tell her to stop sexualizing your sons.”
“As a former athlete, showering together was completely innocuous, and was usually just mind your own business and get clean.” ~ Suitable_cataclysm
“I’m still over here trying to figure out what’s so bad about two (unrelated, such as one of the brothers and their friend) 17 year-olds taking a shower together.”
“I’m not sure what she thinks the problem is and it’s not her business.”
“Feels like homophobia has a stake in her argument.” ~ LifelsButADream
“If the shower was 3 feet square (3 feet x 3 feet), any two people showering together would be weird.”
“But as long as there is sufficient space to move around, then NTA.” ~ survival-nut
“NTA—she has clearly never visited a YMCA locker room where shower heads line the wall and naked strangers of all ages wash their bodies in the same room together.” ~ Fluffy_Sorbet8827
“NTA—I don’t see why she is so worked up. It sounds like they treat it as their own personal locker room and that is absolutely normal to them—especially if they grew up playing sports at all.”
“It’s only weird if you make it weird.”
“From her perspective, most women don’t grow up in the same locker room style culture most boys do. Our locker rooms are simply set up different.”
“It may very well be a foreign concept to her. She should, however, be able to logic herself out of clutching her pearls if she stopped to think for just a few seconds.”
“Let’s all just be happy the stinky teenage boys are showering and move on with our day.” ~ chelseatx84
“NTA—it’s ultimately none of your sister’s business.” ~ jrm1102
The OP provided an update.
“Spoke briefly with my sister, said she was just trying to ‘help my parenting’.”
“I ended the call. My boys are awesome, never caused me a minute’s real trouble. They are parented just fine.”
“Might be a while before I hear from her.”
“When we do talk again, certain subjects just won’t be discussed: showers, R-rated movies, the fact that the younger goes commando, grades lower than an ‘A’, skinny dipping or hot tubbing or any other bare-assed activities, questionable browser histories, manscaping, the younger one’s occasional potty mouth… and God forbid she ever learns the older has had sex.”
“We’ll stick to the weather.”
“To the 95% of you who said NTA, THANK YOU.”
“To the 2% that said I should not have called her wacko… she did more than say the showers were ‘inappropriate’… there was a full-blown unhinged rant mixed in there.”
“To the 2% who said the showers were wholly inappropriate, that’s your opinion. I couldn’t care less and didn’t ask for it. I asked if I was an a**hole for calling my sister a wacko prude. NOTHING else.”
“And to the 1% convinced there is an orgy going on down there…I invite you to go f*ck yourself. There is nothing of the sort happening.”
“It’s a gym locker room and decidedly non-erotic. NO ONE is having sex down there. Grow up.”
The advice offered by his sister was unsolicited and unwanted.
Maybe OP should offer his sister some advice.
MYOB is free.