There is no greater joy than bringing a baby home from the hospital.
Even if fewer things bring on quite so much anxiety.
In addition to sleepless nights, new parents are constantly worried about their infant child’s health and safety, as newborns are vulnerable and delicate creatures.
Of course, some parents worry far more than others.
Redditor PrincessMia1671 was very cautious of keeping her soon-to-be-born baby safe and healthy following their arrival.
As a result, the original poster (OP) planned on implementing a strict rule.
However, owing to a change in circumstances, the OP wondered if she needed to apply this rule to everyone or if it was acceptable to make some exceptions.
Unsure of how to handle this situation, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole (WIBTA), where she asked fellow Redditors;
“WIBTA If I refused to let my in-laws see my newborn by not my parents?”
The OP explained how she found herself struggling with introducing her baby to both sets of grandparents:
“I’m not due till December, but this question has been bothering me.”
“I (27, F[emale]) and my husband 26m are expecting our first baby.”
“Both our parents have expressed wanting to be at the hospital when the baby is born.”
“My husband and I are moving into my parents’ house this September for financial reasons.”
“We’re staying until he finishes school (1-2years).”
“My original plan was for no one to see the baby for 1 month to prevent illness, but now that we’re moving in with my parents, I think it’s kinda pointless to exclude them, and having their help will be great.”
“I’m thinking about asking my mom not to get close to the baby’s face but still help.”
“However, for my in-laws, keep the 1-month rule.”
“Maybe that’s just too unfair, tho, and I should not accept help from my parents for one month and have them follow the rule as well.”
“Because we’re living togethe,r I’m not sure.”
“My MIL has asked about hospital plans, and I’m not sure what to say yet, and don’t want to upset them.”
“They already dislike me due to a language barrier and my overall personality- very skittish/aloof due to past trauma.”
“Any advice is appreciated!”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community did not think the OP was using her best judgment, and generally agreed that she would be the a**hole if she prevented her in-laws from visiting her baby for a month, but not her parents.
While many people did at least understand the OP’s logic, everyone generally agreed that forbidding her in-laws from meeting her grandchild for a month, but not her own parents, would only worsen their already fragile relationship:
“Gently, YTA.”
“I’m a mom.”
“I get it.”
“But if you’re LIVING with your parents, then your baby is already going to be exposed.”
‘Have visitors wash hands and give no kisses and certainly stay away if they have any symptoms whatsoever of any illness.”
“But that is really unfair, otherwise to exclude your husband’s parents.”
“Imagine if it were your parents that were told to wait a month while you lived with your in-laws?”- Interesting_Order_82
“Gentle YTA.”
“Look, I was pregnant and gave birth during the height of the pandemic, so I absolutely understand worrying about germs around your newborn.”
“As others have said, if you are living with your parents, you all will be exposed to the same germs.”
‘It would definitely be really tough to allow your parents to be around the baby while holding your in-laws to the 1-month rule.”
“Which honestly, is kind of an arbitrary time period.”
“All newborns under three months of age are considered to have weak immune systems, and if they get a fever during that time period, it’s an automatic trip to the hospital.”
“Just saying, it’s not like your baby will magically be less vulnerable to illness once they turn a month old.”
“As long as everyone is practicing good hygiene and taking precautions (TDAP vaccine, etc.), things should be okay.”
“Since it was the pandemic with our oldest, we had all the grandparents wear masks and gloves when holding baby.”
“That might feel over the top to you, but just sharing as an example of how you can mitigate germ exposure.”
“Also, you don’t know how birth is going to go, and you may need more help than you realize.”
“I ended up with a 4th degree tear and other complications during delivery, and my husband suffered a major medical emergency soon after we came home from the hospital.”
“Our plans of total isolation went out the window since both of us were in such rough shape, and we desperately needed the help.”
“Depending on how things go, you may end up glad to have some family around who are able and willing to help you guys.”- chipsandguac419
“YTA.”
“If you allow your parents to see the baby but have your husband’s parents wait 1 month.”-Consistent-Pickle-88
‘Going with YTA.”
“What’s your husband, the father, half the decision maker, want?”- tossaway1546
“Soft YTA.”
“What does your partner think?”
“Realistically, if you don’t want your parents around the baby for a month, then you need to find somewhere else to live because whilst you can enforce some boundaries around things like don’t kiss the newborn, only the parents handle changing/bathing etc, you can’t block them entirely from sections of their home.”
“As for the in-laws, that decision needs to be made with your partner.”
“It’s absolutely fine for you to be firm about who is in the delivery room with you, as you are the patient and the one in the vulnerable situation.”
“But once that baby is born and brought home, it is a joint decision between both parents as to who is around and how things are handled.”
“And banning your in-laws from your house for an entire month is effectively cutting off a large part of your partner’s support structure, at the same time that you get to have yours living with you full time.”
‘He’s already dealing with living with his in-laws for 1-2 years (not always the easiest situation even when you get on well), cutting off his family is only going to build resentment.”- kiwifarmdog
“YTA.”
“Babies change so fast, and that first month is different than everything else.”
“Don’t take that experience away from your in-laws.”- Disastrous-Box-4304
“YWBTA if you don’t let them see the baby while your parents have regular access.”
“Work out the protective measures you need – eg TDAP vaccine, no kissing etc, no coming to the hospital etc and enforce those.”
“While you don’t technically owe anyone access to your child, there are very real effects from how you manage this time – both for you, your husband, and your child.”- Living-Ad8963
“YTA.”
“Such an arbitrary rule, and a whole month seems excessive.”
“It makes sense for both sets to meet the grandbaby at the hospital.”
“Usually the rule is to not take the baby around crowded places and to not let anyone kiss the baby and make everyone wash their hand for even looking at the baby.”- Virtual_Ad1704
“My brother did this to my mother when his first kid was born because of some parental alienation stuff that my dad did when he was younger, and it FRACTURED our family for YEARS.”
“Luckily, the fracture was mended in time for her to be there for the next baby, and she’s going to be there for the one coming up, but the hurt that she experienced was AWFUL.”
“YWBTA if you did this to one set of parents and not the other.”- leeloocal
“IDK.”
“Soft YTA.”
“I get it but it’s overkill.”
“If you’re that concerned, have people wash their hands or wear gloves and masks.”
“It’s their grandchild, and if something happens to one of them and they don’t meet their grandchild, you’ll feel pretty guilty.”
“Faced should always be kept at a distance from the baby and no kisses.”- ImaginaryPie7696
“Good grief, YTA, and get off social media already.”
“Delete the apps from your phone and go for a walk.”- doublethebubble
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how she intended to handle things following the responses from the Reddit Community:
“Thanks for all the advice.”
“I agree, I’m probably watching too much TikTok.”
“While the 1month would be nice, it’s not all that reasonable while not having my own place anyway.”
“I’m going to ask everyone to wash their hands and take precautions while still seeing the baby.”
“Thanks Reddit!”
One can’t say the OP was being selfish, as she seemed to only be thinking of the health of her newborn child.
However, if she wants to improve her relationship with her in-laws, telling them they have to wait to meet their grandchild would not be a good start.
Perhaps helping the OP with her newborn baby will be the first step in improving their relationship.